Don't Hold Back
by divergentxoxo46
Summary: Modern Day FF. Tris is happy with her life as the owner of her own bakery and engaged to her high school sweetheart... Until a tragedy happens which causes her to lean on her friends old and new. Will she hold back on the new things happening in her life or will she take the jump? OOC- Horrible at summaries!
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Hold Back- Chapter 1**

 **AN- Hey guys! First I want to start off my thanking everyone who reads this. This is my first FF… Eek… I hope you guys like it. This story just somehow came to me… I want to also say that I am not an English buff, so Im pretty positive that there will be mistakes here and there. I will go ahead and apologize for those in advance. Also… I am not in the military and none of my family is right now. My granddad was but that was before I was born, so with that being said… I don't know a lot about it… There might be things in my FF that aren't correct, but for the sake of this FF, well say that they are correct. I apologize in advance if I mess up on some things. (I will try my best not to though) Anywho… Let's get on with the story! Enjoy and if you like follow and leave a review! (:**

 **P.S. ANY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM IS WELCOME, JUST PLEASE DON'T BE HATEFUL IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMETHING I WRITE… THANKS!**

 **March 14** **th**

"STOP, JUST STOP," he says grabbing my elbow as I try walking away, "I know you feel this too. I'm not the only one with these feelings and we both know it. Don't hold back your feelings anymore… Please!"

"I…I…" I turn my head away from him, "I can't do this. I'm sorry." I feel his hand drop from my elbow in defeat. I look back at him… at the man who opened his heart to me and that has helped me get through one of the most difficult things that has ever happened to me… and know in a way he is right. I do feel the same way as him. I can't though. I don't think my heart can take it if…

He lifts his eyes to find mine starring back at him. I can see the sadness in his eyes as I start backing away from him. I can't take looking into those eyes any longer. I turn quickly and walk toward the door. I get there quick and as I turn the knob I hear, "Tris… Please don't leave."

 _Don't look back. Don't look back…_

I don't listen to the voice in my head and look back. He is watching me, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. As I take a step out of the door, I watch his head fall.

XxXxX

 **6 months earlier- October 3** **rd**

"Morning Tris," Christina says as she walks in the bakery.

"Morning Chris," I tell her as I put the finishing touches to the sweet sixteen birthday cake I have been working on all morning.

"How long have you been here?" she asked eyeing the cake I managed to get done just this morning.

"Just a few hours," I tell her.

"Tris… It's 6a.m.," she says.

"I really don't know why you are surprised," I tell her, "You know I have not been able to sleep good since he got deployed."

He and I have been together since we were Junior's in high school. We were friends for much longer than that. We met in the 3rd grade when he moved here from California. After high school we stayed together. I went to culinary school and he went to the University of Chicago. We even moved in together. I got my parent's house after the passed away. He wanted to become a teacher and baseball coach, so that's what he went for. I finished my last year of culinary school last year and with the money from my parents passing, I opened my own bakery. It has always been my dream to make beautiful cakes. My mom and I used to bake a decorate cake, and cookies and cupcakes… everything… at home together. She was my motivation to get through school. It was a big risk opening my own bakery but I knew with my mom as my guardian angel… Everything would be ok.

I knew his whole family was in the marines. His dad, grandfather, and great-grandfather all were. They always expected him to follow in his footsteps. To their surprise though, when he graduated high school, he finally told them what he really wanted to do.

About two years ago his grandfather had a stroke and wasn't doing well. His grandfather's last wish was for him to become a marine. He went the next day and joined. I knew better than to try and talk him out of it because that wasn't going to happen.

He was deployed at the end of April but not before popping the question. I was not expecting it. I mean we had been together for a while not but I wasn't expecting a proposal. He did it with the help of all of our friends. He even played one of those cheesy marry me songs… I wouldn't trade it for anything though… I loved it and I love him.

"He is supposed to be coming home after Thanksgiving you know," I say smiling to Christina.

"Really… That's great! I will start planning the coming home party now!" she squeals giving me a hug, "But… Can we please start planning your wedding now?"

"You know what… Sure. Let's do this. BUT… Just a reminder, I am not having you over the top fantasy wedding. I don't need all the horse and carriage and big ball gown wedding… OK!" I say giving her a look.

"Ok… Ok…" She throws her hands up in defense.

...

"Christina," I groan at her, "We literally just discussed this, this morning…" Ugh! "Why in the world would you bring all of this stuff over? I haven't even gotten his input yet!" I gesture to all of her wedding books and binders full of ideas.

"First of all… You know he won't care what it's like. He will be over the freaking moon to marry you. And SECOND… You never know… Once you get started planning, you might decide you want to do a little more than you tiny wedding."

Christina has been working at the bakery since it opened. She mainly does just front of the house stuff but she is the best! She is also going to be a wedding planner.

"Doubtful… Let's just get started," I sit at the table and look over the pages she has marked.

I am immediately overwhelmed. I am looking at color schemes and different flowers. Do we want an outside or inside wedding? Do we want our wedding to be in a church? Are we going to have a reception? If so, are we going to book a catering place or have finger foods since it's a small wedding? Then my dress… Christina wants to go right away to find one. I can't believe there is so much that goes towards a wedding!

After about two hours of going over different things for the wedding I call it quits. I promised we could go next week and look for a dress though.

"We can go over more of these when I talk to him. I don't even know when he wants to have the wedding," I tell her.

"Sounds good,' Christina says grabbing the books and binders she brought in. She did leave a couple that seems to be the way I was liking the best for the wedding. "Well at least you picked the color scheme you wanted… Pink and Yellow… That definitely surprised me," she said.

"Well like told you, pink was going to be one of the colors. It was mom's favorite. Then every time I have gotten a call since he has been deployed, he had called me his sunshine. So yellow seems to fit. I have to say though… I would have never guess in a million years that I would have picked those colors for my wedding. I'm more of a navy blue and black color girl," I say walking her to the door.

"It will be perfect… and I am not just saying that because I am planning the thing of course," she giggles, "Tell him I said hello when you talk to him again. Also tell him we all miss him!"

"I will," I say before closing the door.

Whew I think I deserve a long hot bubble bath after doing all of that. Yep… I think I will!

 **October 9** **th**

I knew Christina wasn't going to wait long… We are headed to dress shop. We go to a few bridal shops and they are a bust. I didn't find anything that fit me. I was about to give up when Christina squealed really loud.

"What?" I say grabbing my heart because literally she almost gave me a heart attack.

"How did I forget…? Belle Vie is having there sample sale this afternoon… I bet you would find a dress there and on sale. Want to go? We will have to stand in line though probably," she says excitedly.

"Why not… Can we stop and get something to eat first though… I'm starving. Wait you said Belle Vie… Oh yea they order a shit load of cupcakes for this event. I finished them up last night. Let me call Jackson and see if they were delivered yet," I tell her.

I hit the button on my car and say, "Call the bakery."

"Made from Scratch bakery, this is Jackson speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hey Jackson, it's me Tris. Has the order for Belle Vie bridal shop already gone out for delivery?"

"Let me check really quickly,' I hear him set the phone down. A few seconds later he is back, "Madison is about to go deliver it."

"Tell her don't worry about it. I am right around the corner and I will deliver them. Thanks Jackson," I say.

"Yes ma'am," he say before hanging up the phone.

"I have told him about calling me ma'am… He is only like 3 or so years younger than me…." I tell Christina, "We can just grab something from here to eat and deliver these!"

"Sounds good to me," she says.

"Hi, this is Tris with Made from Scratch bakery. Where would you like me to bring the cupcake order?"

They tell me to deliver them at the back door and when we turn the corner that the shop is on we know why. There are over 50 women standing at the front door waiting for the sale… That doesn't start for about 2 hours.

I look at Christina and give her a look. I know she doesn't care though. She will go fight the crowd for a good deal on any type of clothing.

I sigh as we turn down the alley to the back entrance.

"I guess we better hurry and help set this up so that we can get in line," I say sarcastically.

We jump out and grab the cupcakes. Once inside we are lead over to tables near the cash register. We have two women helping us as we quickly set the cupcakes out on the stands and table. I set some of my business cards along the table because if they are shopping for wedding dresses, they will need a cake.

Once we finish the owner and manager walk up that start chatting with us.

"Thank you so much. These look amazing," the owner says.

"Thank you. Anytime. I would love to stay and chat but it looks like the line has grown significantly and if I am going to get any chance at a dress, I better go get in line," I tell them as I turn with Christina and head for the door.

"Oh, you're looking for a dress?"

"Yes, I don't have a date set yet but we have started the planning," I tell her.

"Well," the owner says looking at her watch, "How about you go look now. We have about an hour and a half before we open the doors."

"Are you serious?" I say in shock.

"Of course," she says, "Better start now though, because once those doors open… It's a mad house!"

"Sadie," the manager calls to one of the girls by the dressing rooms, "This is Tris and she is the owner of Made from Scratch bakery. I am letting her look at the dresses now since she delivered and helped set up the wonderful cupcakes. Why don't you help these ladies out with whatever they need?"

"Yes Ma'am," she tells them as they walk away.

"So, Tris," she turns to me, "What type of dresses are you looking for and we can go from there. Unless you want a certain designer and we can start there."

"Umm…," I think about it, "I know I don't want big ball gown type dress or anything over the top revealing. I don't mind what designer it is."

"Ok, well why don't we go and look at a few dresses and try them on," she says.

We look at a couple of dresses and I show her the type of dresses that catch my eye. She sends me to wait in the dressing room while she and Christina grab dresses for me.

We end up trying on about 6 or 7 dresses then Christina comes running to the dressing room with one in her hand squealing. She holds up the dress and it has a sweetheart neckline and it flows out from the waist. It is a Lela Rose dress.

After trying on the dress I knew it. I just knew it was the one… So did Christina.

I turn towards her and she is already crying, which makes me tear up.

"Stop it," I tell her, "You're making me cry."

"You look so beautiful Tris. Your parents would be so proud of you," she says causing more tears to fall down both of our faces.

"This is the one," I tell her.

"No duh," she sniffles.

XxXxX

 **October 14** **th**

I haven't been able to talk to him in about 2 weeks. It's been hard, especially trying to figure out this wedding stuff without him. He did send me and email saying he would call tonight. I can't wait. I have had my phone by my side all day. Just as I finish ringing up my last customer my phone rings…

"Hello," I say quickly as I walk and switch the open sign to closed.

I already sent everyone home since today wasn't a very busy day.

"How has my sunshine been?" his voice purrs into the phone.

My heart skips a beat. Hearing his voice was the best part of my day.

"Miss you like crazy of course," I confess.

"I miss you too babe," he tells me.

I can hear the guys in the background giving him grief.

"Oh shut up Four, you're just jealous that I've got a girl at home waiting on me," he yells at his best friend. Jamie and Four met the first day of boot camp. They hated each other at first. Jamie told me they were just alike and could get along. People actually thought they were brothers. I haven't met Four yet, but I have received several pictures of their unit and them. I know Jamie has asked him to come here for a few weeks after their deployment. I think he is hoping he will settle down here. He apparently doesn't have family, or at least none he talks to, and Jamie wants him to spend the holidays with us.

"Tell Four to shut up of he doesn't get any of my famous butter rum muffins when the two of you get back," I laugh telling Jamie.

"Aww, Trissy Poo," I hear Four say after Jamie relays the message, "You know I'm only joking. Don't tell the other guys though… Ive for a reputation to keep… Can't have them thinking I'm a pansy cake!" We all laugh. Jamie has told me about Four's reputation. He is a hard ass. He and Jamie always butted heads in boot camp. That was until they were both at a bar one night and all they had was each other's back. They had about 5-7 drunk trouble makers causing trouble and starting stuff with them. They managed to take on the guys and only come out with a few cuts and bruises. They were inseparable after that. They quickly became best friends and if you messed with one… You better expect to mess with the other.

"You are a pansy cake," I tell him, "Now let me talk to my fiancé!"

"Sure thing Trissy," Four tells me in a southern accent and it makes me laugh.

"I'm back babe," Jamie says.

"So… Christina has started helping me plan the wedding… Have you thought about a date you might like to have it on?"

He sits there for a minute... "How about a fall wedding?"

"Well actually… I was sort of leaning towards spring or summer… I kind of picked the colors out already. I picked pink and yellow… Seems more of a spring or summer color to me," I tell him.

"Pink and yellow huh… I wasn't expecting that," he jokes, "Babe, you know I really don't care when I finally get to call you my wife, just as long as I get to…" This makes me smile. How did I get so lucky?

Jamie and I didn't get to talk for a long time, but we did decide on a date. We decided on April 21st. Its only 6 months away, but I'm not planning a huge wedding. I also have Christina, so it can be planned pretty quickly. We talked about our plans for when they get back and for Christmas. He tells me before we hang up that it might be a few weeks before we get to talk again. I hate this deployment thing!

XxXxX

 **October 31** **st**

"Tris get your ass down here. We are already 30 minutes late for the party," Chris yells at me.

"Chris, I hate this outfit… How and why did I let you talk me into this?" I ask her.

"Tris, you and I both know you look hot in that outfit. Now get your hot ass down here," Chris yells again.

I take a look at myself one last time before finally giving in. She has dressed me in the sexiest Marilyn Monroe costume she could possibly come up with. She is going as Audrey Hepburn. Obviously the sexiest Audrey Hepburn she could manage. She tried to talk me into wearing the Marilyn Monroe show girl costume… That wasn't happening.

After a short drive we reach Uriah's house. Uriah went to school with Jamie and I. He was what you would call our class clown. We were all best friends. In high school it was Jamie, Uriah, Marlene, Lynn and I who were mainly hanging out. Sometimes, Uriah's older brother Zeke and Shauna, Lynn's older sister would hang out with us and of course their friends. I didn't meet Christina until Jamie and I went to a party at his college his first year there. We quickly became best friends. Well that was because she said we would be of course. Ha… She wasn't going to give up on that. We actually did get along really well and it just clicked between us.

"Tris and Chris… Finally you girls are here," Uriah yells over the music blaring.

"I couldn't get Tris here to leave the house," Christina tells him as he hands us drinks.

"Well, let's catch you up then," he smiles a wicked grin at us.

We all cheers before taking our shots. It still feels weird to me being here at a party without Jamie. I haven't been to many since he has been deployed.

Uriah can still throw an amazing party. We don't end up leaving until after 2 a.m., which is late for me. The party is still going strong. I never stay until the end. They always talk about how I can't hang… oh well…

 **November 8** **th**

I got to the bakery at 4 a.m. We have a few deliveries this afternoon, so I really need to get a good bit of work don't. After I pop the last batch of butter rum muffins in the oven, I wipe the flour off of my face. I always tend to get it everywhere.

It's just after 6:30. Christina usually gets here about this time. I walk to the front door and unlock it and flip the sign just as Christina barrels towards the door.

"Morn-,"I begin to say.

"Have you seen the news?" she asks breathless.

"No not this morning, why what's going on?" I quickly ask trying to get to the bottom of why she is acting so frantic.

"Come on," she says dragging me to my office in the back, "I have been trying to call you! Where is your phone?"

"Umm… It must still be in my purse here in my office. I have been baking all morning," I tell her.

She grabs the remote and quickly finds the news.

They are just finishing the weekly weather forecast.

I hear the news cast start talking and I am frozen to my spot.

"Tris," I hear an echo of a voice calling my name before Christina snaps her fingers in my face.

I turn towards her and don't know what to say.

"It didn't say any names Tris. Don't get all worried and worked up when you don't know whether or not it has anything to do with him. When is the last time you spoke to him?"

"Umm… Umm… A few weeks ago," I manage to get out, "He told me it would be a few weeks before he would be able to talk to me again."

"Ok, so there is probably nothing to worry about then. Why don't you check your phone," she says.

I quickly walk over to the cabinet where I put my purse and get my phone. I have 6 missed calls from Christina and 3 text messages, one from Christina, one from Uriah and one from Marlene.

 _ **Chris- Call me ASAP**_

 _ **Uriah- Have you seen the news? Let me know if you hear anything**_

 _ **Marlene- Uriah asked me to text you. Let us know if you hear anything…**_

I have to keep myself busy or I will worry myself to death. I get busy on the cake orders I have to get done today.

Finally getting home after a long, stressful day, I throw my keys and purse on the table by the door. I check my phone for any call but there are none. Same the emails…nothing. I just want to hear his voice.

I have heard from all of our friends. They are just as worried as I am. I love them for checking on me and seeing how I am but whew… I have been so overwhelmed and stressed over the news that I have went off on a few of them. I immediately apologized of course but I still felt bad. They were only concerned.

I decide to take a nice, long, hot bubble bath. As I am soaking I can't help but let every bad thing cross my mind. I need to talk to him… Before I knew it I was dosing off. After jumping and waking myself up, I notice the water has gone cold. I don't even know how long I have been in here.

I quickly grab a towel and wrap it around me. I reach over and check my phone and email. Still nothing... Ughhh… I am so drained. I decided I'm not eating anything tonight because I am too tired. As soon as my head hits the pillow I am already drifting off so it doesn't take long before sleep takes over. I will hear from him tomorrow… I have too!

 **AN- Well that's chapter one! I know some of you are thing OMG… She's with another guy… Just be patient. (: I hope you enjoyed it so far.**

 **I don't have a set schedule yet for when I will add chapters. I have already gotten most of Chapter 2 written already. For now we will say I will post a chapter a week. Days may vary. Again this is not a set schedule so I may end up (if I get more done) posting more than one a week.**

 **I am rating this story M because in the future there may be a few lemons and also there will be strong language. – Don't be upset if this doesn't come for a while in the story… I haven't gotten that far yet so… I don't know when I will be myself.**

 **Thanks again for reading my story!**

 **Review, Favorite and Follow if you enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- I just want to thank everyone that took the time to read my story so far. Thanks also to those of you who reviewed, followed and favorited. 3**

 ****Just in case—I do not own divergent or its characters… just my ideas.****

November 9th

Lauren, my top baker, decided she would open the bakery today. Everyone saw how stressed I was yesterday, they practically forced me to stay at home and relax today. I have some amazing employees and friends.

I wake up to my door bell ringing and knocking on my front door. I look at the clock and it reads 7:30 a.m. I quickly grab my rob my bed and throw it on because I basically crashed after getting out of the bath tub… meaning I basically slept naked.

I rub my eyes wondering who would be at my door this early in the morning besides Christina. It can't be her though because she is at the bakery with Lauren. I crack the door and open it a little and a man with his back to me, wearing a military uniform is standing there.

I clear my throat and say, "Hello."

The man turns and his face looks so familiar.

"Tris," he says in almost a whisper. I look at the name on his shirt and it reads Eaton.

"Four?!... Oh my gosh Four… You're here. Thank God. I was so worried… Where's Jamie," I ask as I throw the door open and step outside.

"Is he messing with me," I step out further on the porch. "Jamieeee…. Ha ha ha… You can come out now," I scream.

"Tris, we should go inside and talk," Four says.

"NO! I want to see Jamie. He has to be here too since you are. Did you guys get to come home early?" I ask.

"Tris… I'm so sorry," Four says barely holding his emotions at bay.

"Sorry for what?" I ask him…

He looks down towards the ground.

"FOUR… WHAT ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT?" I scream.

"Tris…. Jamie… We were sent out to check on a few abandoned buildings. We were ordered to secure them. I was leading one group and he was leading the other. He went towards the second building and my team went in to secure the first. After discovering our building was all clear, my team was heading to meet and assist Jamie's. That's when we heard gunfire," Fours voice was shaking and he was holding back tears, "I didn't make it in time to save him. My team took down the men who attacked Jamie's. He told me to tell you that he is sorry. He is sorry he can't make it back to you but that he would always be with you."

I fall to my knees as he keeps talking. This isn't true… It can't be… Jamie said he would be home after thanksgiving…

"Tris… Tris….," Four shakes my shoulders, "You have to breath… ok!" He takes my hand and puts it on his heart. "Feel my heart… Just breathe… You have to calm down," he says sitting beside me as he pulls me in his arms to comfort me. I don't know how long I sit in his arms crying but eventually I hear my phone ringing and it breaks my trance.

I get up and Four follows suit. I reach my bedroom and grab my phone. Christina is calling.

I answer the phone but don't say anything.

"Tris… I know we all said for you to stay home today but this place is insane… I think it's the busiest we have been… ever… You think you might be able to come in for a couple of hours to get through this rush? Molly called in… AGAIN…-"

"Chris..," I try to say but it comes out as a whisper.

"Tris… Are you crying? Is everything ok?" she asks…,"Tris!?"

"I can't," my voice cracks.

"Beatrice Prior… Tris... please tell me what's wrong," she says in a panic now.

I drop the phone to the floor not able to keep holding back the tears. I hear footsteps from the doorway come towards me and grab my phone.

"Hello," he says. I can only imagine what Christina is thinking.

"Whoa… Whoa…," Four says, "I'm Four, the guy that was deployed with Jamie… his best friend…"

He pauses for a minute for her to respond.

"She is right here, but she isn't really able to talk right now…-"she keeps cutting him off "Look I will have her call you back as soon as she can. Goodbye," he hangs up the phone.

"Umm," he says as he rubs the back of his neck, "Christina wants you to call her back. She said if she doesn't hear from you in 30 minutes she was coming here with an army of her own… whatever that means…"

I can't help but smile a little. That sounds just like her. I take a deep breath to calm myself.

"How are you here?" I finally ask Four, who has been standing awkwardly in my room since he hung up with Christina.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean what are you doing here? How are you the one here telling me this news? They just let you come home?"

"I'm ranked pretty high and I'm respected. I talked with my commander and asked if I could be the one to come and tell you. I also accompanied Jamie home. I sort of thought it might be a little easier if I was the one to tell you-"

"EASIER… EASIER?! How does that possibly make it easier for me? They only thing that would make it easy is if you were the one that went in that building instead of him," I scream and ran to my bathroom.

I immediately feel horrible for what I just said. I know it wasn't right. I take a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom. Four isn't in there anymore. I start to walk out of my bedroom and hear my front door shut. I run to the door and open it. Four is getting in the truck he obviously rented.

"Four," I yell. He turns back and looks at me with red eyes. I make my way over to him, "Im sorry! You didn't deserve that."

"I wish it was true though," he says as he hangs his head.

I quickly pull him into a hug. I don't really know what to do or say. He doesn't pull back like I half expected, instead he embraces me back.

"Don't think like that," I tell him.

"I should have been there with him Tris. We were a team… This one mission we were separated… I… I couldn't save my brother…" he says.

"It's not your fault Four," I tell him, "Come back inside. You don't have to leave."

He stands there for a minute then shuts the truck door and we walk back in the house. I walk to the kitchen and make us both coffee and we sit quietly at the breakfast bar.

Before we know it, we hear someone bursting through the front door, Four jumps up trying to figure out what is going on.

"Tris," I hear Christina before I see her and once I do the tears start to fall again.

"Tris, oh my gosh," she glances at Four for the answer but he gestures towards me.

"Is it Jamie?" she finally asked.

All I could do was nod my head at her. She pulls me into an embrace, "Oh Tris… I'm so sorry."

…..

"I just want to go lay down," I finally say to all of my friends and Four.

Christina called everyone and they all came over. Everyone was shocked and in disbelief. I still couldn't believe it either… One day I am wedding dress shopping and the next Im finding out my fiancé was killed….

I get up and start walking to my bedroom. All of my friends are watching my every move.

"Four," I turn towards him… "Yea Tris," he says.

"Did you have a place to stay?" I ask.

"I just planned on getting a hotel room somewhere," he says.

"Nonsense… Just stay here. I had the spare room ready for you already anyways," I tell him before walking to my room and shutting my door.

I walk to the shower and turn it on. When I see the steam, I step in. The water is a little hotter than I normally like but I just welcome it. Maybe I was just hoping the burn and pain would take away the pain I feel inside. It doesn't work though.

I feel like my eyes can't produce anymore tears. I sit on my bed and think about Jamie. I remember when we met. We were in the 3rd grade and he was the new kid. I tried to talk to him and be nice but he was mean to me. I smile thinking about it. He told me I was just a little girl and he didn't want to play with silly little girls. I punched him in his nose and made it bleed. I got in so much trouble. I was suspended for 3 days. When I went back to school I expected him to hate me but he didn't. He said he was just still mad he had to move. We became good friends after that.

There are so many memories that flood my mind. We started officially dating our junior year.

 **Flashback**

 _We decide to all go to the homecoming dance together as friends. Uriah and Marlene were already dating and Lynn was talking to her crush, leaving Jamie and me to ourselves most of the night. I hadn't told anyone, but I had been basically in love with Jamie for years. While we were at the dance Stacey, Jamie's ex, managed to get Jamie to dance with her after several attempts. They ended up dancing for a while, then my worst nightmare they kissed. I didn't stick around after that. I went to the shed behind my house that my friends and I turned into our own hangout spot. I was really upset. I wasn't there long by myself. I had my back towards the door when I heard someone come in. I turn quickly thinking it might be my mom, but it wasn't. It was Jamie._

" _What are you doing here?" I ask him._

" _Trying to find you," he says walking towards me._

" _Well... You found me… Where's Stacey?" I ask coldly._

" _Probably still at the dance. Why did you leave?" he asked actually puzzled._

" _I wasn't going to be a third wheel to you and Stacey… been there, done that! No thanks!" I say._

" _Tris, what are you talking about? Stacey and I are not getting back together… I only danced with her to get her to shut up," he says._

" _I wasn't referring to the dancing," I say as I sit on the sofa we have in here._

" _What then?" he says getting frustrated._

" _Must not have been a very good kiss then huh," I smirk._

" _Did you not see the whole thing? She kissed me and I pushed her away Tris… I didn't want to kiss her. I wanted to kiss someone else. I like someone else… actually. I think I might be in love with this person."_

 _My heart breaks. I can't take much more. "That's nice to know," I say standing about to walk towards the door but he blocks me, "Why aren't you with her then?"_

" _I am," he says, "She is standing right in front of my being stubborn as ever."_

 _I look at him in shock. ME? He was talking about me? Wait did he say he might be in love with me? Before I realize it I am crashing my lips to his._

… _.._

 _March 2_ _nd_ _(this year)_

 _Jamie wasn't the best at keeping secrets from me but he did once. He left the house early that morning. Christina randomly stopped by and told me I was coming shopping with her._

 _After shopping for about 2 hours, we went and ate lunch. After lunch she takes care of the bill and then hands me a card. I can tell the hand writing on the card was Jamie's._

" _ **Roses are Red**_

 _ **Violets are Blue**_

 _ **Go to the place**_

 _ **Where I first met you"**_

 _Chris hands me the key to her car and smiles._

 _I go to the elementary school that Jamie and I attended. Taped to the door was a bright yellow envelope with my name on it. I ran over to the door and grab it._

 _I go on to my next location and then several more than that._

 _Finally I get to Millennium Park. I have a map on the envelope telling me to go towards the ice skating rink._

 _I start towards the rink and see all of our friends waiting._

" _What are you guys doing? What is this," I ask referring to the envelopes in my hand. After I make it to my friends I hear the "Marry Me by Jason Derulo" start playing. I look at Christina and he points behind me._

 _I turn around and see Jamie coming towards me dressed really nice. He has the biggest smile on his face._

 _He makes it to me and we hug each other._

" _What is this?" I ask him._

" _Tris…" he says nervously, "I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember, I was just too scared to do anything about it. I asked all of our friends to come here because I have something to ask you."_

 _I start tearing up because I now realize what's happening._

" _Tris Prior, will you make me the happiest guy in the world and be my wife?"_

" _Yes…" I squeal, "A million times yes."_

 _He puts the ring on my finger and grabs me in a big hug._

 _All of our friends run over and congratulate us._

 _I examine my finger. Jamie knows me so well. He knew just the kind of ring I would want. He kept it simple. Nothing big or flashy but still beautiful. Better than anything I would have ever picked out._

 _Christina and I jump around and squeal like little girls. I am the happiest girl on the planted right now._

 _ **End of Flashback**_

I sniffle because I literally think all of my tears are gone… for now at least. My stomach growling interrupts my thoughts. I guess I should have realized already that I hadn't eaten since lunchtime yesterday and well… It has got to be past 6p.m. by now.

Not thinking about how I have probably the shortest robe I own on, I walk out of my room. I realize all of my friends have gone. I'm sure they knew I would need a little by myself. I turn to walk in the kitchen and start making me a bowl of cereal. I sit at the breakfast bar eating my cereal and I hear, "May I join you?"

I nearly jump out of my own skin. "Oh my gosh, I forgot you were here," I tell him.

"Im sorry," he says, "I didn't mean to scare you…"

"It's ok," I tell him, "So are you hungry?"

"Starving actually," he confesses.

"When was the last time you ate?" I ask.

"Umm… about 2 days ago or so… Maybe 3," he says.

"Oh my gosh," I say jumping up, "Let me make you something… What would you like?"

He thinks about it for a minute.

"How about some of those famous butter rum muffins? BUT only if you are up for it. You don't have to make me anything."

"I don't mind at all actually…Baking is like meditating to me," I tell him as I reach for the flour in the top cabinet. I can't quite reach it and if I lift my arms any higher, he will get a full view of my ass…. Oh God…. Im naked under this robe!

"Let me get that for you," he says from behind me. He reached over my shoulder and grabs the flour. I turn and we are inches away from each other. Ive seen several pictures of him but none of them do him justice. He is very attractive with his chiseled jaw and deep blue eyes- stop Tris… Oh my…

I quickly walk past him blushing and go to my room shutting the door,

What the hell….

I grab a pair of pajama pants and throw them on. I look in the mirror and realize you can see my now hard nipples through my silk robe. My face blushes even more now. I go to my dresser and grab a sports bra and t-shirt.

"Can I help you make these," Four asks as I start adding all of the ingredients.

"Umm… Sure. Why don't you grab the muffin pan and line them with muffin cups. Pan is under the cabinet and liners are in the drawer by the sink," I tell him.

…

Beep Beep Beep

…

"Time to take them out," I say about to get up but Four jumps up first.

"Let me get them," he says.

I put the glaze on top and hand him one.

"They are even better warm," I tell him.

He takes a big bite and closed his eyes. I watch him and smirk a little. He is shaking his head a little and starts moaning.

"Oh my gosh Tris… This is fucking amazing," he says taking another bite. He finishes two more before he speaks again, "Jamie was right… You do make the best muffins."

Hearing Jamie's name makes me sick to my stomach. I quickly slap my hand over my mouth and run to the nearest bathroom. Luckily it's right past the kitchen. I am hovered over the toilet both crying and puking my guts out when I hear footsteps.

"Are you ok Tris?" Four says coming over and holding my hair out of my face and rubbing my back. It's so weird… I just met this guy this morning and he told me my fiancé was dead, but I feel really comfortable with him. He actually does remind me a lot of Jamie. I understand why people asked if they were brothers. I quit puking and sit back against the hall and close my eyes. Seconds later Four is placing a damp wash cloth on my forehead,

"Thanks," I tell him.

He walks out of the bathroom but in a few minutes time he returns. He is holding a glass of water and a bottle of medicine.

"Christina gave me her number just in case. I text her and she told me to get you some water and she left these Ambien. She said take it and go lay down. They will help you sleep," he says shyly.

"Well thank you," I say grabbing the glass of water and medicine.

"Need help getting to your room?" he asks as he helps me off the floor.

"I think I can get there," I half smile at him, "Thank you."

I remember him telling me he had a reputation of being an ass… I don't see it. He has been nothing but nice and caring to me…

I make my way upstairs and to my room. I walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth before taking the meds.

I remember I left my phone in the kitchen, so I run down stairs to the kitchen. Before I walk in I notice the light is still on. I also hear a voice.

"Why? Why could it not have been me? He had such a good life here. He had a great fiancé and great friends! I have no one… No one would have missed me-,"

"That's not true! Stop saying that," I burst in the kitchen and see Four sitting at the breakfast bar with red rimmed eyes, "Jamie would have missed you… Was he nobody?"

"Of course not! What I meant was I have no family, no girls waiting on me and no home to even go to…" he hangs his head.

I walk over to him and hug him. "You do now," I tell him, "You can stay here for as long as you would like." I sit with him in silence until I almost fall asleep sitting up. The meds must be kicking in.

"Why don't you go ahead to bed Tris," Four tells me, "I'm about to go to bed also."

I stand up from the stool and have to quickly grab ahold to the counter.

"I think I will just sleep on the couch tonight… I don't think I will make it to my room," I tell him.

"I got you," Four says before picking me up bridal style and walks towards the stairs.

"This isn't necessary," I say yawning.

"It's not a problem," he says.

I don't realize I have laid my head into his chest until it was already happening. He doesn't say anything.

 **November 10** **th**

"JAMIE," I scream and bolt upright from sleeping in a cold sweat… I was hoping everything was all a dream, but when Four came running in my room, reality smacked me in the face.

I start shaking and I can barely breathe. Four hurries over to me and tries calming me down. After about 5 minutes I am finally able to speak.

"He's really gone… Isn't he?" I ask.

"Yes," he says.

I nod my head at his answer and a few tears start falling down my cheeks. I look over at the clock and its 4:45 a.m.

"Thank you," I tell him.

"For what?" he asks.

"For helping me calm down and getting me to bed last night," I tell him and blush a little.

"Anytime Tris," he says, "I'm the one who should be thanking you. You let me stay here… You didn't have to do that!"

"It's what Jamie would have wanted," I tell him.

XxXxX

 **November 22**

Jamie was very well liked and loved. There were a lot of people at his funeral. That was the toughest thing I have ever been through in my life, along with my parents. How come the people I love the most always leave me? I haven't been back to the bakery yet… Christina is taking care of everything and Marlene has also been helping. I really should get back. This has been one of my busiest times since opening. I just can't get myself out of this house. All of my friends call and sometime stop by, but they know I want to be alone. Well… Sort of alone… Four is still here. I am actually glad he is. He helps me through my toughest moments no one else sees. I have also helped him a few times. I am very thankful for him. I actually don't know how I am going to manage after he leaves.

"Get dressed," Four interrupts my thoughts.

"What." I say taking another sip of my coffee.

"I said get dressed! You are getting out of this house today," he demands before walking to his room.

I sit there for a minute processing what he said, I'm not ready… I jump up and walk to his room. The door is cracked open so I push through it.

"Oh my gosh… I'm so sorry. I should have knocked," I say covering my eyes.

Before covering my eyes I see him smirking at me. He stood there before me in just his boxers. Well his boxer briefs. Wow… He is very fit… I think I saw a tattoo on his back also but I covered my eyes so quickly that I didn't get a good look.

"It's safe… You can uncover your eyes," I hear him say.

I uncover my eyes but I know my face is so red. "Sorry," I say, "…. Anyways… I'm not ready! Not today…"

"Tris, you are never going to be ready… You just have to do it. I'm here to help you. Jamie wouldn't want you all cooped up in here for the rest of your life," he tells me.

I give him a look, "That's not fair!"

"Who says I play fair," he smirks, "Now go get ready."

"Where are we going? I don't even know what to wear," I whine.

"It doesn't matter what you wear. I don't care if we just go for a drive today… You are getting out of this house at least," he says.

"Fine," I say as I stomp away towards my room. I hear him laugh as I make my way down the hall.

…

We are on the road within the hour. He is driving and I'm just watching the buildings and houses we pass.

"So… any ideas about where you want to go?" he asks.

"Back home," I smile.

"Besides there," he says knowingly.

"This was your bright idea," I say still looking out of the window.

"Yea… but I am from Boston… so I really don't know where I am going. I am just driving," he says.

"Boston huh…" I say.

"Yep… Go Red Sox," he jokes.

"You know… You have been staying at the house for a couple of weeks now… but I feel like I don't know anything about you…" I tell him.

"I don't really talk about myself much," he says shrugging.

"Well I will tell you what… Let's play 20 questions… We can both get to know one another," I suggest.

"Hmm…," he scratches his chin and smiles, "Sure!"

"Ok… What's your favorite color?" I ask him.

"Simple enough… Probably blue," he says, "What's yours?"

"Black or Navy blue," I say back, "Any siblings?

"None and you?" he says.

"One brother… Caleb. He is gone to college and decided to stay and make him a new life there," I say, "Why is your name Four?"

"Baseball number in high school," he tells me.

"So you played baseball? Jamie did too… What position?" I ask.

"Short stop," he says, "but I thought it was my turn." I looked his way and he is smiling at me.

"Oh yeah… That's right," I say and smile back.

"What's your favorite thing to do?" he asks.

"Bak-,"

"Besides baking…" he cuts his eyes my way.

"Hmmm… I used to dance a little in high school but I don't anymore much. Only when Ive had a little too much to drink." I shrug at him.

"Now that you mention it… I think Jamie might have mentioned that…" he says, "He was so in love with you…"

I look over at him and he is starring ahead like he is remembering things about Jamie.

"I was very lucky to have him," I say.

"He was lucky too," he replies.

We ride in silence for a little while. Neither of us really knew what to say after that. I finally break the silence, "So… What made you join the military?"

He glances over at me. I can tell by his expression that he is debating on whether he wants to tell me or not.

"Umm…" he clears his throat and looks straight ahead, "The short story… I joined to get as far away from my father as possible…" He grips the steering wheel tighter.

"I thought you didn't have family," I say.

"Jamie didn't tell you?" he asks.

"Tell me what?" I ask curiously.

"About my father's and my relationship. I technically have a father… but I wouldn't consider that my family," he says.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask.

"Not really… Well at least not right now," he says.

"Ok," I simply say.

"What kind of music do you like?" I ask him as I turn the volume up.

"Anything really," he says.

"Ok well let's see what we can find," I say scanning through the stations. As I scan through the different stations I stop immediately when I hear a song I know all too well. I don't want to listen to it and get emotional all over again but I couldn't change it.

 _ **Rascal Flatts- Forever**_

It starts and I'm frozen. I can feel Four's eyes turn towards me.

 _I miss you so much  
Your light, your smile, your way  
And everything about us_

 _Though you're gone you're still here  
In my heart, in my tears  
Yeah, you sure left your mark  
And we were just getting started_

I feel the tears falling down my face. I know better than to try and hold them back. It was pointless, there was no stopping them.

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough together  
But it was long enough  
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever_

I feel the car stop and Four puts it in park. We sit there as the song keeps playing. I look out of the window and he stays looking at me.

 _Sometimes I get so mad  
I scream, I swear at this  
'Cause this isn't how we planned it_

 _I sit here in a cold room  
Praying, waitin' on you  
To run back through that door  
To the way it was before you left_

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough together  
But it was long enough  
Yeah, it was long enough to last forever_

 _I feel cheated and defeated  
(I feel cheated)  
(Can't believe it)  
Can't believe that you're gone  
(Your gone, your gone)  
Oh, it was wrong  
(So wrong)_

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough_

 _No, it wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough together  
But it was long enough  
Yeah, it was long enough to last  
To last, to last forever_

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough  
No, it wasn't long enough_

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough_

 _It wasn't long enough  
It wasn't long enough_

When the song goes off I realize we are parked at some kind of rest stop. I quickly get out of the car and start walking down some sort of trail. I stop at a bench and sit putting my head in my hands and screaming out in frustration and sadness and confusion. I still ask why? Why him? Why did he leave me here? He was supposed to be coming back…

"Why?" I scream out.

I hear footsteps coming towards me and I'm assuming it's Four. I look up and realize I was right. He is walking towards me with his hands in his pockets.

"Sorry," I say wiping my tears.

"No reason to be sorry Tris," he says, "You're grieving… its ok!"

"Can we just go back home now?" I ask.

"yea," he says sticking his hand out, "Let's get you home."

We walk back to the car silently. We also don't say a word on the way here. I end up dosing off right before we get back in Chicago. I didn't realize how long we had been driving for.

"Tris," Four shakes my shoulders lightly.

"Mmm," I mumble.

"We are about to pull up," he says.

"Ok," I sit up a little straighter, "Stop at the mailbox please. I haven't checked it in a few days."

He stops and puts the car in park, "I'll grab it."

He gets back quickly and hands me the mail.

"Thank you," I say as I start going through the mail.

I am about half way through it when I see something that makes me drop everything.

Four parks and looks at me to see what's wrong. I say nothing. I just sit there. Four takes it upon his self to grab the mail that had fallen to see what it possibly could be. He flips through the mail and finally spots it.

(Not real address… I don't know what it would usually say)

To: Tris Prior

813 Divergent Ln

Chicago IL 60640

From: Private Jamie Anderson

Four looks at me in shock as well… We both just sit there and look at the envelope.


	3. Chapter 3

I walk straight in the house and head for the kitchen. I grab the Jameson out of the cabinet. I don't even bother grabbing a glass; I open the bottle and take a swig. I shake my head a little at the taste.

"Whiskey huh?" Four asks, "Mind if I have some too?"

I hand the bottle to him and lay the envelope on the counter. Four puts the bottle beside the envelope and I grab it quickly. I take another big gulp.

I grab the envelope and rip it open. I decide if I don't do it now… I might not have the courage later.

I take a deep breath and pull out the paper. I see his handwriting on them and I take one more drink before unfolding them. When I unfold the papers another set of folded papers fall on the counter. They read: Give to Four.

My eyes shoot to Four and his eyes are studying the folded papers on the counter. I don't know what to do… Do I hand it to him or … I don't know… Do I want to read it myself first? No. That would be selfish. I back up to him and his eyes move from the letter to my eyes and back. Finally he slowly moves his hand towards the letter and takes it. He doesn't open it… he just stands there with it in his hand starring at it. I grab the bottle and walk to the couch. I think I need to sit down when I read this. I glance towards the kitchen and realize Four isn't standing there anymore. I look around and don't see him anywhere. I sit back and start reading.

 _Tris,_

 _My beautiful sunshine_ _…_ _. I love you so much. I told you I would not be able to call for a while so I decided to sit and write you a letter. The guys were talking about their families and friends back home_ _…_ _They were also talking about how their family and friends would handle it f something were to happen to them over here. I decided right then that I needed to write you this. If something ever happens to me over here I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. I know this is probably not something you want to think or talk about_ _…_ _And I know after you read this I will probably hear about it on our next phone call_ _…_ _I just need to do it anyways. There are a few things I need you to do if something happens to me_ _…_ _First, tell my parents I love them. Tell mom I_ _'_ _ll always be with her in her heart. Second_ _…_ _You know no matter what Tris_ _…_ _I will always be with you also_ _…_ _I know we didn_ _'_ _t get to experience life together as we planned and I_ _'_ _m sorry for that. Please don_ _'_ _t stop living your life if mine ends. I want you to be happy AND YES_ _…_ _That even means finding someone else who makes your whole world spin. It_ _'_ _s going to be hard_ _…_ _I_ _'_ _m sure, but please try for me. Don_ _'_ _t cry over me Tris. I will be in a better place watching over your beautiful self. Ok. I love you babe. Also_ _…_ _I_ _'_ _m sure you already saw the letter addressed for Four_ _…_ _Please give it to him for me. Somehow get it to him. I would love for you two to meet. You two would get along great, I just know it. He_ _'_ _s been through a lot in his life just like you babe. I would like it if you two were there for each other. Be each other_ _'_ _s support system if you need. Four doesn_ _'_ _t get close to people but we had a bond only brothers could. He is my family and I am his. This part if only if you feel comfortable with it_ _…_ _I would like it if he still stayed at our place_ _…_ _I don_ _'_ _t know for how long obviously_ _…_ _We hadn_ _'_ _t really discussed it. He needs good people in his life_ _…_ _When he left for camp, he left with nothing. No family_ _…_ _Just everything he could fit in his bag. He has nothing right now. I understand why_ _…_ _So_ _…_ _My truck, it_ _'_ _s his if you don_ _'_ _t mind. Everything else is yours. God_ _…_ _I hate writing this to you babe. It_ _'_ _s not something I ever thought about when I joined_ _…_ _I can_ _'_ _t possibly imagine what you are feeling if something did happen and you are reading this. If it did_ _…_ _I_ _'_ _m sorry. Well I guess this is getting long enough_ _…_ _I do truly love you with all my heart and soul. I always want you to be happy_ _…_ _So if worse comes to worse_ _…_ _BE HAPPY. Find something or someone who makes you happy. SMILE, LAUGH_ _…_ _LIVE YOUR LIFE Tris. Not just for you but for me as well. LOVE_ _…_ _Open your heart again. You are a beautiful person so please don_ _'_ _t stop living and loving on my account_ _…_ _I am and always will be with you!_

 **Jamie.**

No… Why can't there be more. I want more. I read the letter over and over causing me to cry more. I miss him. I just want to hear his voice again… Feel his touch… How could he expect me to move on and live my life without him when he was my life? I don't know if I can.

As I am sitting there, I am getting more drunk by the minute. His words play over in my mine. I don't know how long I'm sitting there but I am half way through the bottle and basically drunk.

Four finally emerges from his room. He has a strange look on his face. I wonder what his letter says. Is it rude of me to ask? Hmm… As I am thinking about whether I should ask to read his letter or not, I go to take another drink. Before I get the bottle to my lips, Four jerks it from my hand. He puts the lid back on and puts it back in the cabinet. He grabs a bottle of water from the refrigerator and hands it to me.

"Hey!" I slur a little, "I wassssn't finisssshedd wiiith thattt!"

"You are now," he says back quickly.

"What the fuck did it ssayyy? You didn't mind me drinking earlier… What changed? Why are you so worried about me drinking now?"

"Nothing Tris… You should go lie down," he tells me.

"NO!" I scream. He is not my father… My father is dead.

"Tris… Don't be this way. I'm only trying to help you," he says.

"Can I read your letter?" I ask Four as nice as I can but I think he knows.

"Not right now Tris. You are drunk and you should go lie down," he says.

Im getting angry now! I think it's the alcohol, "Im not ready to go to bed. If I want to sit here and drink the whole damn bottle I will! I am a grown ass woman and I will do as I damn well please!" I slump down and cross my arms.

Who does he think he is? I don't need a damn baby sitter.

"Tris…" Four pauses not really knowing what to say.

"What Four?" I say annoyed.

He says nothing.

I look at my phone. It's about 8:30 on a Saturday night. I scroll through my contacts and find the number I'm looking for.

After three rings they finally pick up.

"Tris is everything ok?" they ask.

"Everything is fine Uri… Except that Four is acting like my father… Who is dead you know. Anyways… I think I want to go out tonight… Did you have any plans? Four is being a party pooper over here," I say.

"Tris are you already drunk?" he asks.

"I've been drinking a little… so…" I answer.

"Are you sure you want to go out… Seems like you have already been out…" he questions.

"Uri… STOP! I want to go out! Now are you going to go with me or not? I will go without you if not!" I say.

He pauses for a minute, "Fuck… Fine Tris… Be ready in 30 minutes," he says and before he hangs up I hear, "Mar get ready… Tris is drunk and wants to go out…" "What?" Mare says shocked then the phone hangs up.

I smile really big because I got my way.

Four is standing there looking at me like I have two heads.

"What?" I say smartly as I can while standing to get up and go get ready.

"You aren't seriously going out are you," he says.

"Of course I am," I say.

"Are you really that stubborn?" he asks.

"Maybe," I say walking to my room. I understand I might be acting really childish right now, but I don't care. These last couple of weeks have been the hardest of my life…

I think this is the quickest I have ever gotten ready in my life. I straighten my hair, put on my makeup, and pick out an outfit in 20 minutes time. Christina would be proud. I walk to the kitchen and wait for Uriah.

"You're wearing that?" Four asks coming around the corner to the kitchen.

"Yea… What's wrong with it?" I ask.

It's only a little black dress after all… Well it's a very short little black dress.

"Well let's just say you are asking for everyone there to be hitting on you the whole night. I just don't think that's what you want. Plus... I think you forgot it's the end of November… meaning its freezing out!" he says.

"Well what if I do," I say not even looking at him or he will know I'm lying. I am going to be freezing though…. He did have a point.

"We both know that's not true," he says. I look over at him and realize he has changed also.

"Where are you going," I ask.

"I'm going out with all of you," he replies.

"What?" I say surprised.

"Yep," he shrugs.

"Ugh… Whatever," I say.

The doorbell rings and I dash for the door.

"Ready to go?" Uriah asks.

"Yep," I say letting the 'p' pop.

"We get to Uriah's SUV and it's already packed.

It's Uriah and Mar is the front seat, Zeke, Will, Shauna and Christina in the back seat.

"Thank goodness for the third row," I say as I climb in the very back with Four following.

"Wow Tris, nice outfit. You look hot," Christina says.

"It's your dress," I reply to her.

"It's yours now. You look smokin'!" she giggles.

"Nice panties too," Shauna busts out.

"What?" I squeal.

"Yea… You totally showed the whole world your butt… Especially Four!" she says.

I cover my now red face and don't say a word. Everyone giggles as we drive away from my house.

"Are you sure about this," Four leans over really close and whispers in my ear.

I look over and our faces are inches apart. It's dark but I can see his face and eyes. He looks like he is genuinely concerned. I nod my head. He lifts his hand and brushes the hair out of my face. Thank goodness for it being so dark though, because I am definitely blushing right now. Four smiles at me like he sees me blushing then turns his head.

"So Tris, where to?" Uriah screams from the front.

"I don't care… How about Dauntless?"

"You… Tris Prior wants to go to Dauntless?" Christina asks.

"Sure," I say shrugging my shoulders.

"Wow… Any you always said that wasn't your scene… I never thought you of all people would go there…"

Our ride to Dauntless isn't long. Every time we hit a bump or turn a curve, Fours leg or arms would brush against mine. It's weird… It's almost as if every time we touched a spark went through my body. I shake that thought out of my mine. I am planning on doing something that I haven't in a long time. I plan to get wasted. Like forget my problems wasted.

Zeke and Uriah know the owner of the club so we don't have to wait in the line that is all the way down the block. It's so crowded in here. Flashing lights everywhere and music blasting. Zeke found the owner and talked him into letting us go got the VIP section. As we are sitting there a girl that barely has any clothes on comes and takes our drink order. She lingers by Four longer than anyone else. She basically flashed him when she 'accidentally' dropped her pen and paper. I watched Four and he just laughed it off. He doesn't pay attention to her and it's pretty funny. She huffs and goes to get our drinks. They are back in a flash. No doubt she got them back as quick as possible to be able to talk to Four again.

She hands everyone their drinks and hands Four his last. She also grabs a piece of paper from her boobs and hands it to Four and winks.

When she is gone everyone gives Four grief over it.

"Damn we are out for 5 minutes and you are already getting numbers," Zeke high fives him.

I roll my eyes and down one of the shots we ordered and quickly pick up another.

"Mar," I scream over the music, "Let's go dance!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," she jumps up and squeals.

None of my friends have seen me like this in a very long time.

We hit the floor and Beyoncé's 7-11 comes on. We look at each other and smile.

We have our own choreography for this… This is going to be fun. I just have to make sure I change up a few parts since I have really short dress on.

 **(You can watch the choreography on YouTube… JoJo Gomez- 711)**

We start dancing and it isn't long before all eyes are on us. I don't usually care for all of this attention but right now I am welcoming it.

I glance over to our friends who are cheering us on. Four is standing there with his jaw on the floor. I smile and wink at him. _What?_

After the song ends Mar makes her way to Uriah and I walk towards the bar. It takes me a little while to get through the crowd.

Finally at the bar I get a shot of Patron.

"Can I get you a drink," a guy walks up to the bar beside me.

"Umm… Sure," I say.

"I'll take a jack and coke and she will have…" he waits for me to answer.

"Hmm… How about Bacardi Coconut Rum and pine apple juice," I say.

They both look at me a little funny and I smile a shrug.

"So I saw you dancing… You are amazing," he says.

"Thanks," I say.

"Im Eric," he says holding out his hand to shake mine.

"Tris," I say.

"It's nice to meet you Tris," he says.

The bartender hands us our drinks. I take a few sips of mine and oh my gosh it is so good.

I notice Eric look down at my hand… At my engagement ring…

"Married?" he looks at me and asks.

"No…" I say.

"Engaged?" he asks.

"Well… Not anymore." I shrug.

Eric and I sit and talk for a few minutes. I turn to see if I can find my friends. I see most of them are still in our section. Four is scanning the crowd.

"Hey," I say to Eric, "Want to join me and my friends in VIP?"

"Sure," he says picking up both of our drinks and handing me mine. I take more sips as I make my way to my friends.

"Guys this is Eric, Eric these are my friends. That's Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Marlene, Christina and Will," I say pointing at each of my friends. "Oh and that's Four," I say as he steps back in our section

Eric throws his hands up. Everyone just looks not sure what to say. I mean we just buried my fiancé about 2 weeks ago and I am walking up with a random guy at the club. I'm drunk though, so I don't understand what the problem is like they do.

I gulp down the last of my drink.

"Well it doesn't seem really fun in here, so you want to go dance," I ask Eric. He grins and takes my hand.

 **Four's POV**

Jamie said she could dance but wow… I was not expecting that… And she winked at me while she was dancing. Im not sure how to take that… She is drunk too… Where did she go? I scan the crowd and can't find her. I walk towards the dance floor and as I am about to fight my way through the crowd to find her, I see her walking towards our section… AND a guy is following her. I can't help but feel a bit jealous… I have no reason to though… right? I quickly make my way back.

"Oh and that's Four," I hear her say as I step in the VIP section.

I see that all of her friends are looking at her shocked. A guy… She is really finding a guy in a club… I shake my head.

"Well it doesn't seem real run in here, so want to go dance," she asks this guy and then they are headed to the dance floor. I watch them dance for a while but I just can't anymore. It seems wrong.

…..

"Hey," a random girl walks up to me.

"Not interested," I say without even looking at her.

"Dude," she says, "Me either. Where is the girl that just walked over here with the guy from the bar? The blonde?"

"Dancing with said guy," I point towards the dance floor.

"  
Seriously, that guy put something in her drink. I saw him. I was on the other side of the bar and couldn't get to them before they walked off and now she isn't here…"

My eyes shoot over to her, "Are you serious?"

"Yes and I don't see her anywhere," she says scanning the dance floor.

"Tell them," I scream for her to tell the gang and I run to find Tris. I scan the dance floor and the bar area… No Tris.

Zeke runs up to me, "Have you found her yet?"

"Does it look like she is with me?" I shout! "Sorry," I say before he says anything back.

"Get the girls to check the restrooms. I'm walking outside and checking. You guys check in here more," I say to him. He runs one direction as I run the other.

Outside it is freezing. I scan the streets and nothing. No sign of her. Maybe they didn't come out…

As I am about to walk back in the club, I hear someone scream, "Stop… No I don't want too!"

I run in the direction of the scream. I turn down the alley to find the guy pushing Tris against the brick wall covering her mouth. Her dress is already hiked up.

I see red and run up to them. I punch the guy in the side of the face. He stumbles, letting go of Tris in the process. I jump between the two incase he tries something stupid… again.

"What the fuck," he says turning towards me.

"Call Zeke," I tell Tris hoping she can manage that. He needs to get her out of here.

"You fucking drugged her?" I scream lunging at him. I knock him to the ground and start punching. He tries to fight back but it's no use… It doesn't really work for him.

Finally I feel someone grab my shoulders to get me off this guy.

"Four," I hear Tris say weakly, "Please stop."

I look up at her and she has a terrified look on her face. She has tears running down her cheeks. I look back down at the guy's bloody face. He is out.

"Are you ok," I say jumping up asking Tris.

"Yea," she gets out between sobs, "I'm just ready to go home. I'm really tired."

I look around and everyone has made it out here now.

"I'll take care of him," Zeke said, "Get her home."

I turn and pick Tris up bridal style and carry her to the vehicle. Everyone stays behind while Uriah and Mar take us home. Well to Tris's home. Uriah is going back to get them after he drops us off.

"Need help getting her inside?" Uriah asks pointing at Tris who is lying in my lap.

"I think I got her," I tell him.

"Thank you," Uriah says.

"For what?" I ask.

"For saving her. If it were not for you, she might not be safe right now… She is like a little sister to me and I can't have anything happen to her," he says as if he is holding back tears.

I look down at Tris and think back to Jamie's letter.

"I would do anything for her to keep her safe," I tell him as I get out and carry Tris to the house.

I decide to let her sleep on the couch, so I can keep an eye on her. I'll sleep on the recliner. I go to my room and get one of my t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I take them to the living room to where Tris is passed out. I don't know if I should help her change or not. I decide yes. I slip the shorts on her first and then pull the dress over her head. I quickly grab the shirt and pull it over her head. I leave her bra on…I don't know house she would feel about me taking it off of her. I lay her back down on the couch and run to her bedroom. I grab her pillow and the throw blanket that is on her bed. I put the pillow under her head and cover her up. She actually looks peaceful after this terrible night.

After getting her situated, I walk to my room and grab some clothes. I walk to the bathroom and wash the blood off of my hands. I examine my knuckles and already feel them bruising. It was so worth it though. I would do it again. I slip some basketball short on then walk back to the living room. There is a small throw blanket draped over the recliner so it will have to do. I glance over at Tris once more and see her sleeping soundly. How can any guy drug a girl? Especially Tris? I play the night over again in my head. Her grinding on him… Was I jealous? Do I have feelings for Tris? I can't… It's not right… Right? Jamie's letter… It said to take care of Tris for him. Help her move on with her life…but did that mean with me? Would she even feel the same? Would she even be with me when I was Jamie's best friend? What would Jamie think about this? If I could only talk to him one more time… I miss him. He was one of the only people I have ever opened up to… In his letter he told me that I could trust Tris. He said I could open up to her about my past… I'm not ready right now though. I finally close my eyes and let the sleep take over.

November 23rd

 **Tris POV**

"Mmm," I groan as I go to roll over not wanting to open my eyes just yet. The only problem is when I went to roll over…There was no more bed. I land hard on the hardwood floor.

"Damn," I swear as I blink my eyes open.

"Are you ok?" Four says.

I jump and look over at him. I realize I wasn't in my bed… I was on the couch.

"Why was I on the couch?" I ask.

I look down and see that I have a huge shirts and shorts on… They are definitely not mine.

"How did I get in these clothes?"

Four rubs the back of his neck then answers, "Ummm…Me… but I didn't look or anything. I also left your bra on you… I didn't want you thinking badly of me…"

I feel my face turn red, "Ummm… Thank you."

"Do you remember anything from last night?" he asks me.

"Truthfully," I say, "Not really at the moment… I remember going to the club… I remember ordering drinks and then dancing with Mar…" I think about it a little more. "Wait… a guy… He bought me a drink and oh God… I remember being so wasted and dancing with him… It fades from there though…"

"So that's all…" he says.

"Pretty much… Why? What did I do?" I ask.

"Tris," he says sitting up, "I hate to be the one to tell you this… He drugged you. He put something in your drink and he tried to take advantage of you in the alley near Dauntless."

"Noooo," I cover my mouth holding back a sob, "What happened?"

"Well… A girl saw him put something in you drink. She couldn't find you after the fact to warn you so she found us and told us. I went outside looking for you after we couldn't find you inside anywhere. I heard you scream for his to stop. When I got to you he had you pinned against the wall and you dress was up… but nothing happened. I found you in time. I beat the hell out of him and brought you home…" he finishes.

"How could I let that happen to myself? Oh God… He could have… Oh God," I start shaking.

"Tris," Four says throwing the blanket off of himself and sitting in the floor next to me… with just basketball shorts on… NO SHIRT…, "You are ok now! This is not your fault. It was all his… and mine. I should have watched out for you better. I knew you had already been drinking a lot… Then when you and him were dancing… I didn't-,"

"Four… It's not your responsibility to take care of me," I tell him.

"It's what Jamie wanted though," he says dropping his head.

"What do you mean?" I ask surprised.

He took a deep breath, "Jamie… In his letter he asked me to look out for you. He said to take care of you and help you move on with your life and most of all be happy… I failed him… Story of my life!"

"Im shocked… Well not really but then again, I am.

"Four…" I start to say but he starts getting up and walks towards his room. I jump up to run after him and just as I am about to catch up to him, he turns around quick to say something. I run smack into him… into his shirtless self… into his hard chest and abs. I look up at him and he can't help but smirk at me. We look at each other and I finally break the eye contact and look down at my hands. I just now realize my hands are pressed against his rock hard abs. I blush and let my hands slide down. I look back up at him and he raises his eye brow at me.

"Sorry," I mumble and step back a little.

He smiles his perfect smile at me… _Did I really just think that?_

"Umm…" I shake that thought out of my mind, "Can we both just try to forget about last night?"

"Done," he says.

"How about breakfast?" I ask.

"Yes please," he says.

"Have anything in mind?" I ask.

"Well some of those butter rum muffins sound great…" he smiles.

"You've got it bad for those things," I laugh, "Sure. Only if you get us some coffee started."

"On it," he says.

Our moods have changed so much from what they were just minutes ago. After Four gets the coffee started I am just getting through washing my hands.

"Mind grabbing the flour down for me?" I ask.

He laughs and grabs the flour.

"Hey… What's so funny?" I ask grabbing the flour and adding some to my bowl.

"You… And your shortness… How you keep putting the flour on the top shelf of the cabinet knowing you are not tall enough to reach it without standing on something," he laughs again.

"Are you making fun of me?" I turn to him.

He puts his hand on his chin like he is thinking hard, "Yes… Yes I think I am. You are just so… short!"

I open my mouth to defend myself but I don't know what to say, so I look over at the flour on the counter. I reach in and grab a handful of it. I quickly turn and throw it right at him. He is shocked. He is covered in flour. It's all over his face and chest. I can't do anything but laugh.

He looks down at his chest then back up at me.

"I know you did not just do that… You are in big trouble now," he says stepping closer to me.

I have to think fast so I turn and grab another handful and throw it at him before trying to run away. It doesn't work though. He caught me before I was out of the kitchen.

"Oh, no you don't," he says grabbing my arm and pulling me to him. He rubs the flour all over me. He rubs his face and neck all in my hair and then grabs some of the flour. He takes it and rubs it all over my face. I can't do anything but stand there.

"Perfect," he says after he covers my entire face.

I make a pouty face at him, "That wasn't fair!"

"Any throwing it at me in the first place was?" he asks.

We both laugh and look around. We seemed to have gotten flour everywhere.

"Go get cleaned up. I will get these muffins started then do the same," I say hitting his chest. I don't know if he is feeling the same spark I feel when I touch him, but if he does… I can't tell.

I look up at him as he looks at me. We stand there quietly just looking at each other. He takes a step closer to me… only inches away… What's happening?

"Tris," I see him looking from my eyes to my lips and back at my eyes. I bite my lip nervously. Is he… Before I can let the thought cross my mind he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. He starts to lean down towards me…I can't do this… I back away a little and turn my head. I can tell his has caught him off guard a little and he stands back up straight.

"Those muffins aren't going to make themselves," I say walking around him to the counter.

I lift my eyes towards him and he still has his back to me. He stands there for a minute then shakes his head. I look back down at my bowl and add the rest of the ingredients. When I look back up he is gone.

Maybe he did feel the spark… This can't happen though… right? He was Jamie's best friend. Jamie has only been gone for a few weeks… Did he think…? I shake my head. I don't even know what to think about it. I quickly get the batter in the oven then walk to my room. I take a quick shower. I don't bother blow drying my hair, I just use a towel. I throw my sweats on and walk back to the kitchen. I'm surprised when I walk in the kitchen and all the flour is cleaned up. The muffins are also out on the counter. Four is currently glazing them.

He looks up at me and smiles. "I watched how you make it last time," he says referring to the glaze.

He is acting completely different from the way he was after our flour fight. He seemed to be almost…upset after and not he is all happy!

I sit at the breakfast bat and watch him finish up. He hands me one and gets one for himself.

"Thanks," I say before taking a bite.

"Tris," he finally says, "I'm sorry about earlier. I should not have done that… I kind of got caught up in the moment…-,"

"Four, its fine-," I start to say.

"It was a mistake!" he finishes.

Well…that wasn't what I was expecting to hear. I sort of fell… hurt almost… but why? Why does it make me sad that he thinks almost kissing me would be a mistake?

 **Well how does everyone like the story so far? I am half way through with Chapter 4… It just needs to be typed. I find it easier to write down my chapter then type it! I hope you like this chapter! I apologize for any error in this chapter... I wanted to get it posted this morning so I didn't go over it or edits it.**

 **Review*Follow*Favorite if you liked it so far!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Sorry I wasn't able to update last week… It was a busy week for me! I made this chapter a little longer than usually since I didn't update. Thank you for the reviews and favorites. I appreciate them! Now… Here is chapter 4! Enjoy!**

 **December 1** **st**

Today is the first day I am actually going back to work. I realized I have abandoned my business… Well not abandoned, it's been in good hands. I just realized I can't stop working just because something tragic happened.

Things between Four and me are good. We are really becoming good friends. He helped me get through my first Thanksgiving without Jamie. All of our friends came over to my place and we had a great time. We all felt like something…someone was missing of course.

I get to the bakery bright and early. Lauren came in early this morning to get everything started. Baby steps… I walk in… Oh how I have missed this smell.

"Good morning Lauren," I say as I walk in my office.

"Good morning Tris," she says back as she pops some cookies in the oven.

"What's left to do this morning?" I ask as I put my apron on.

"I have one more batch of cookies almost done and then I have to decorate the others. Also, Mrs. Anderson called in last minute. She is having ANOTHER dinner party. This one is supposed to be big. She wants two dozen gluten free cupcakes. She said it doesn't matter what kind… That you make them all great. She also needs four dozen dinner rolls. I told her we don't really do those and she said you always do for her…" she says, "Oh and she needs to pick them up by noon! Something about being at home the rest of the afternoon to oversee the decorators… If only I had her money…" We both laugh.

Mrs. Anderson was one of the richest people in Chicago. She was always throwing these random parties just because she can. Only the richest of the rich were invited to the party also. She knew Jamie's grandparents… That's how she found out about my bakery. She fell in love with the dinner rolls I made for a gathering at their house before Jamie was deployed. I have done every party for her since then. She is very demanding though and wants everything her way or no way…

"I guess I will get started on all of that then… I would want to have them done a minute late," I say.

…

Twelve o'clock on the dot… In walks Mrs. Anderson.

"I do hope my order is ready… I simply do not have the time to sit and wait. I am a very important woman," she says standing in line.

"Of course Mrs. Anderson," I tell her before walking to the back to get it.

I bring it out and get her checked out and on her way. I watch as she goes towards the door and in walks Four as she exits. I smile and meet him around the counter.

"What brings you by? Don't you see enough of me?" I joke.

"I could never see too much of you," he says nudging my arm, "I figured I would stop by and get me a butter rum muffin... One that I don't have to make myself…"

"Oh whatever," I swat at him, "You so do not have to make them… Plus you don't even know my secret ingredient!"

"Maybe I do… maybe I don't," he says.

I shake my head at him and walk behind the counter. I grab two butter rum muffins and two coffees. I walk to the table in the corner and Four follows.

"So… what really brings you here," I say taking a bite of my muffin.

"Ok, you got me… I wanted to stop by and check on you. See how your first day back has been," he admits.

"It's been god. Very busy," I say.

"That's good. Feel good being back here?" he asks.

"Yea, I have missed it," I say as I look around the bakery.

"It's nice here. This is the first time I have been here. It's officially my favorite bakery," he says.

"Well thank you," I smile at him. He finished his muffin and coffee and stands up, "I better let you get back to work."

"Ok…" I say a little bummed. Four has been great company. He smiles at me then walks out.

I sigh as I walk around the counter.

"No freaking way," Chris says.

"What," I ask looking at her.

"You like him… You so like him and he likes you too!" she gushes.

"What… No!" I say blushing.

"Tris… You should know by now that I know when you are lying to me," she says, "You are so crushing on him… I don't blame you… Look at him."

"Chris," I say giving her a look.

"Ok… Ok… but just remember I know you Tris Prior," she says walking to the back.

Is she right? Do I have a crush on Four? It's too soon… I mean what is a normal time before you should start dating after you lose your fiancé? I highly doubt it is less than a month. What would that say about me? About how I felt about Jamie! How do I even know he likes me back? He did after all try to kiss me… But he also did say it was a mistake… Stop Tris… It's too soon anyways.

The rest of the day goes by pretty fast. I really did miss the place but when I get home I am ready to sit down. I walk through the door and smell something cooking.

I make my way to the kitchen to see Four pulling garlic bread out of the oven.

"I hope you like spaghetti," he asks when he sees me.

"I am allergic to tomatoes," I say.

He looks up at me with the most disappointed look on his face, "Damn! I knew I should have asked. I just want to surprise you since it was your first day back at work."

"I'm just joking Four. Spaghetti sounds amazing right now… Thank you for cooking," I say.

He smirks at me and I stick my tongue out at him.

…

"That was amazing," I say sitting back in my chair," I ate way too much. I think I gained 10 pounds."

"I'm glad you liked it," he says grabbing our plates.

"Oh no… You cooked, I will wash," I jump up and grab the plates from him.

"Fine, but I will dry them," he says.

"Fine," I say.

We get through washing the dishes but not without soaking each other first.

"How come we always end up having some kind of fight?" I ask laughing.

"Well if I remember right, you started the flour fight," he reminds me.

"That's true," I agree.

We laugh for a minute then he says, "I guess it's about time for bed."

I look at the clock and yes… 4:30 is going to come really early.

"Well thank you again for the dinner. Goodnight Four," I say.

"Sweet dreams Tris," he says and kisses my cheek.

I can't help but blush. I watch him as he leaves the room and goes towards his.

Maybe I am crushing on him a little… Did that thought really just cross my mind?

 **December 6** **th**

"Ok, so everyone will need to buy two gifts. One for whoever is on the slip of paper you draw and the other is for dirty Santa. What price limit do you feel comfortable with?" Christina says as she folds the paper and puts it in the bowl.

"How about $25 for each gift? That's now too much right?!" Marlene says.

"Is that good with everyone?" Christina asks.

Everyone agrees.

"Umm… Can I ask what Dirty Santa is?" Four speaks up.

"You have never played or heard of Dirty Santa?" Zeke asks.

"Nope," Four replies.

"Dirty Santa is where everyone buys a gift. Sometimes people split up the girl's gifts and the guy's gifts… Sometimes everyone gets neutral gifts…And sometimes guys end up with girl's gifts and girls end up with guy gifts… Say there are 10 people playing. They will draw numbers 1-10. The person with number 1 goes first. They will go pick a gift and unwrap it. Everyone can see it. Then number 2 goes. If number 2 wants the gift the number 1 opened they can steal it. Number 1 will then go open a new gift. And so on. We have always played that the gift can only get stolen 2 times. We can explain more if you need when the game starts. It can get pretty intense! Especially if the couples start trying to work together to get what they want," Christina says.

"Ok…" Four says then looks at me…, "Wanna be my partner."

I nod and laugh.

"Ok on to the next… No one can know whose name you have drawn. Keep it a secret!" Chris says as she passes the bowl around, "If you draw your own name, put it back and draw again."

We all grab a name out of the hat. I look at mine. I drew Uriah's name. Oh the possibilities…

"So I have a question… Are there any rules for the Dirty Santa gifts?" Uriah asks as he raises his eye brows up and down.

We all look around and shrug.

"I say we have fun with it… Get whatever you want… No rules," I say.

Uriah gets very excited.

"Ok now what day are we going to do this on?" Zeke asks, "I need to make sure I'm not patrolling that night."

"Why not Christmas afternoon… Anyone have plans that night?" Chris asks.

"I'm good with it," I say and everyone else agrees.

"Yay! I can't wait. Oh and don't forget to wear your ugly sweaters," Christina says excitedly.

"Aww Christina… Do we really have to?" Zeke whines.

"Yes… You do!" Christina tells him.

The girls laugh at the guys faces.

"Fine," they all mumble.

"Want to go Christmas shopping together tomorrow? Im not working," I say nudging Four's arm.

"Sounds good to me," he smiles at me.

I look over a Christina and Marlene. They are both looking at me with big smiles on their faces and wiggling their eyebrows at me…I just role my eyes at them.

"Anyone want to play a game?" Uriah says.

"What kind of game do you have in mind?" I ask suspicious.

"I was thinking something like Truth or Dare,' he says.

"Not the drinking version… I still am not ready to do that again," I admit.

"Of course not… It's the STRIP version," he smiles his mischievous smile.

"Uriah… We are not teenagers anymore," Shauna says.

"So… It will be fun!" he says.

Everyone finally agrees.

Everyone in this group knows that I will do anything when it is the strip version. I don't take off clothing… Well I will take off shoes, jacket, socks… but after that I pretty much have to do it. Im not one to show my body.

"I'm first," Uriah says.

Thank goodness I have on my hoodie.

"Truth or Dare… Four… Let's get you caught up with us… We have after all played this game a couple hundred times," he says.

"Dare," he says.

"I dare you to let Christina paint your fingernails a color of my choice," he smirks.

"Do you have any fingernail polish remover," he whispers to me.

I laugh and nod my head yes, but I actually don't think I do… Oops.

"Fine," he shakes his head to Uriah.

"Tris can you go get your nail polish please," Uriah says.

I walk to my bedroom and grab my bag of fingernail polish.

"I pick… this neon pink… I think that will look so cute…" Uriah says.

After Fours fingernails are painted we continue the game.

Four dared Will to drink two raw eggs. He does it but throws up shortly after.

Will dares me to lick the bottom of Zeke's foot… No thank you. I lost my hoodie.

Marlene picked truth so I asked her who she thought was the hottest guy in the room. She lost her shoes and Uriah acted hurt that she didn't pick him.

Marlene dared Shauna to kiss Christina. She actually did it too.

All of the guy sit up a little straighter after that.

The game continues and I have to say they are coming up with some crazy dares. Zeke had to run around the house naked. Christina had to call her mother and tell her she was pregnant with twins. Uriah had to drink a concoction that Lynn made from items in my kitchen. Yuck. She added milk, mayonnaise, a pepper, peanut butter, ketchup, mustard, and honey. He tried his best…

I am now down to just my shirt and pants…. That means I can't pass on a dare or I will have to take off stuff I never do.

Please let this game end soon.

Christina breaks my thought.

"Tris… Truth or Dare…" she says.

"Truth," I say.

"Ok… Do you have a crush on anyone in this room and who is it if you do?"

"Ok dare," I say quickly. She smirks.

"I dare you to kiss Four,' she says.

Everyone looks at her like she has two heads. Even Four.

What to do…

I finally just turn to Four and he looks at me.

'Ready," I say.

He nods his head.

My heart is pounding out of my chest.

"Oh and I forgot to mention… No kissing on the cheek and no little chicken peck. A real kiss," Christina clarifies.

"Are you sure about this," he asks.

"Do you not want me to kiss you?" I ask.

He lifts his hands in defense, "I didn't say that!"

"So you do want to kiss her then," Christina speaks up.

"Christina," I turn and glare at her…, "You don't have to answer that Four.

I have to get this over with before Christina opens her big mouth again.

I turn my head to Four and before anyone can say anything I lean in and our lips meet. His lips part, as do mine. Our kiss is not aggressive; it is really nice and slow. If I thought touching him caused a spark… I had no clue kissing him would feel like this! I break away first… Wow… is all I can think. We sit and look at each other after the kiss. I wonder what he is thinking what is going through his mind right now…

"Well… I think it's getting late," Will says and Christina agrees,

"Yea…" they all agree.

Four and I have not looked away from each other yet.

"I'll call you tomorrow Tris," Chris says.

I finally look up at her, "Umm… Ok. Yea."

She giggles at me.

I quickly say goodbye to everyone before they leave.

Four is still sitting in the same spot he was. He looks like he is in deep thought. I start cleaning up the mess and bring it in the kitchen.

I turn to go grab the rest of the things and Four is standing there with his hands full of dishes and trash.

"Thanks," I say grabbing the dishes out of his hands. He turns and walks out.

Should I feel this giddy after a dare kiss? I feel like I want to kiss him again. I can't though! For so many reasons… Plus who says he liked it? He might have felt nothing… Damn you Christina… You have just caused me to be more confused than anything.

I don't feel like doing the dishes right no so I just set them in the sink. Four has walked out of the kitchen, so I have no clue if he thinks the kiss was a mistake of not.

I make me a cup of hot chocolate and grad a throw blanket from the couch. I grab the new Nicholas Sparks book that just came out and walk outside to the porch swing.

I remember when my dad put this swing up for my mom when I was little. My mom and I have spent many hours out here talking and laughing and crying…

I can only imagine what we would be talking about if she were here right now. I sit down and cover up with the blanket before starting my book.

….

Oh my gosh… Nicholas Sparks books are soooo good. I'm already half way through the book before stopping for the night. I have no clue what time it is. I haven't seen or heard Four inside, so he must be asleep already. I grab my stuff and make my way inside. I try to be as quiet as possible… I still don't know how I feel about the dare kiss situation yet… So I would rather not run into him right now. We were doing so good too! It wasn't awkward anymore after the almost kiss in the kitchen… And now… It is! Why didn't I just take my damn shirt off, but if I had taken it off I wouldn't have seen how amazing that kiss was. We need to talk… Yes... We are going to have to talk to each other and set some boundaries or something. I don't like having to tip toe around him…Especially since he is living here right now. We should probably talk about that as well. I wonder how long he plans on staying. Not that I want him to leave… We have become good friends… Oh man… We are supposed to be going shopping tomorrow. Maybe we can talk about it then and get it over with. Yes… That's what we can do. I need to see what time he wants to go. I wonder if he is asleep.

Before I knew it I am standing at his door. I don't hear anything… He is probably asleep. I knock lightly on his door. Nothing. I stand there for a minute and knocked again. No answer. I finally crack the door open a little and see that he isn't in his bed. I open it a little more and don't see him. As I am about to back out and shut the door quietly … he walks out of the bathroom with just a towel on… Around his wet glistening body… The towel hangs just right on him. I also can't help but notice how… well-endowed he is…. It's hard not to notice. I just stand there. I can't get anything in my mind to work right.

We really do have to stop meeting like this," Four says to me and laughs. He walks to the dresser and grabs a pair of boxer briefs and basketball shorts before going back in the bathroom. He emerges seconds later and I am no sitting on his bed.

"Sorry,' I say as he comes around the bed and sits next to me.

He nods, "So… to what do I owe this surprise visit?"

"I was wondering what time you wanted to go shopping tomorrow… If you even still want to..."

"Why wouldn't I want to go shopping with you tomorrow," he asks surprised.

I give him a 'you know exactly why' look.

"Should we talk about it?" he says.

"Is there anything to talk about?" I ask him… He might not have felt anything.

"What do you mean by that?" he asks.

"I mean," I say feeling my cheeks redden, "Was it just kiss to you?"

He sits there for a minute then looks at me, "I wouldn't call it 'just a kiss'… That's not what it felt like to me."

"But that's what it should have been… Just a kiss," I say back.

"What was it for you Tris?" he asks me finally.

"It should be… It has to be…" I say as I twiddle my fingers.

I hear Four sigh… "Then that's what it was… Just a kiss."

I look at his eyes… his deep blue gorgeous eyes. I can tell that's not what he really wants.

"I'm sorry Four," I finally say.

"I understand Tris," he says, "I really do."

"It has nothing to do with you Four. Please know that. It's me. Im not ready… I don't think," I tell him.

"I get it Tris! Message received," he says.

I look down and sigh. I just want to cry. It wasn't just a kiss for me but it has to be.

He nudges my arm and smiles. I smile back at him.

"So… What time would you like to go shopping," he asks.

"How about a little before lunch? We can grab lunch while we are shopping," I suggest.

"Sounds good," he says.

He stands and I do the same. I take it as the conversation is over.

"Goodnight Tris," he says as he moves in for a hug.

"Goodnight Four," I tell him back and accept his hug.

We hug for a little longer than a hug between friends should be. I almost felt like this hug signifies the end of whatever was happening between us… I lay my head on his chest. He smells so good.

"I wish the circumstances were different," I whisper.

He doesn't say anything. He just continues to hug me. I'm not sure if he heard me or not. It seems like neither of us wants to let go but he finally break free first.

I look up at him and smile before walking out of his room.

"Sweet dreams Tris," Four says as he holds his door about to close it.

"Sweet dreams Four," I turn and say before turning back and going to my room. I am going in my room before I hear his door shut.

 **December 7** **th**

Beep Beep Beep

Ugh… I forgot to turn my alarm off. I reach over and turn it off. I quickly roll back over and drift off to sleep.

 _I am sitting in the shed (my friends hangout spot) reminiscing on everything. I hear the door open. I turn and all I can see is a silhouette standing in the door with the sun shining in. I squint my eyes trying to figure out who it is. He takes a step forward._

" _Hey Tris," he says._

 _I can't move. I just look at him. He is wearing his Marine uniform. I want to reach out and touch him but I can't make myself move. I start crying._

" _Jamie, is that really you," I barely get out._

" _Hey there sunshine,' he says walking over to me._

" _Oh Jamie," I cry embracing him._

" _Don't cry Tris," he says._

" _I miss you so much it's crazy," I tell him not letting go._

" _I miss you too babe," he tells me._

" _How… What… How are you back here?" I ask him._

" _I came to see you. I know I haven't been gone long… I just want to see how you are doing?" he asks._

" _I'm… I'm a mess," I admit._

" _Oh Tris… come on… It can't be that bad," Jamie says, "I see you have met Four."_

 _I look at him shocked… I didn't expect Four to get brought up._

" _Yea…he is staying at the house… Just like you wanted," I tell him._

" _Yea, I see he is helping you through this rough time as well," he says._

" _He has helped me and confused me more than you know," I say._

" _What's so confusing?" Jamie asks._

 _I look at him not sure what to say…-," I say_

" _Don't hold back Tris," he says_

Knock Knock Knock.

My eyes shoot open. NO NO NO! It was just a dream. I want to go back. I didn't get to say goodbye… AGAIN!

"Tris… I didn't want to wake you but its 10 o'clock… Do you just want to go shopping later?" Four asks through the door.

I groan, "No… I'll get ready now."

"Ok. I have some coffee ready," he says and I hear his footsteps go further down the hallway.

As I get ready all I can think about it my dream. He felt so real. I hug myself trying to feel him again but it doesn't work.

I jump around and throw a little fit like that is going to help anything. I wonder if that will be the last time I talk to him and hear him talk back to me.

….

I have already gotten Uriah's gift. I decided to get him something he would really like. It's over $25 dollars though… And I got one for all of my friends. They are going to get me for doing it but… They deserve it. They have helped me so much in this last month… Plus it's not like I have anyone else to buy for.

Four and I have been in a few stores but haven't bought a while lot. Four hasn't told me who he drew. I figured he would need help picking a gift out.

"Hey… I will be right back. I have to go get my two gifts…" Four says.

"Ok… I will just be in Tiffany's," I tell him.

He raises his eyebrow at me.

"Thank you gifts for Chris and Mar," I tell him.

He nods his head. I walk inside Tiffany's and he walks away.

"Welcome to Tiffany's. Can I help you find anything in particular?" the older sales lady says.

"Yes. I am looking for something for two of my best friends. It's a Thank you gift for them," I say.

"Did you have anything in mind?" she asks.

"Maybe a bracelet," I shrug.

"Follow me. We will find something perfect for them," she says walking to a display case.

We spend about 20 minutes looking at different bracelets. Finally I decided on the silver infinite bracelet. They will both love it.

She takes them to go wrap them for me.

I walk around the store looking in different display cases. As I am looking something catches me eye.

The sales lady walks back with my bracelet, "Will this be all for you"

"Can I see those earrings please," I point at the twist knot earrings.

Just as she is pulling them out of the case Four walks up.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," I say back taking the earrings and looking at them.

"Who are those for?" he asks.

"I was actually looking for myself. My mom always had a saying she said when times were rough. She said when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. These are knot earrings," I say.

"I think you should get them then," he says.

"Mmm… Not today. I've gotten enough for this trip," I tell him.

"Well maybe your fiancé here should buy it for you. Christmas is not far away," the sales lady says… You make a beautiful couple. You two will defiantly make some pretty babies."

I look at Four and giggle a little while he looks at me and smiles. "We aren't a couple," I finally tell her.

"Oh, I'm sorry… It just looked…" she didn't finish. Instead she started adding my items into the computer. I finish paying and we walk out. We laugh more about her thinking we were a couple and couldn't help but like the face that she thought it.

We decide to go teat at Rosebud on Rush. When we are almost at the car Four stops, "I left my bag in Tiffany's!"

"Well let's go back and get them," I say.

"No you get the car and I'll run back in and get them," he says.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Yes… I will run back really quickly," he says sprinting off.

 **December 18** **th**

I'm finally finished with my Christmas shopping. I just wrapped my last gift and put it under the tree. I wasn't sure if I wanted to put a tree up but Four convinced me to do it. He even went with me to cut one. I have to say I am glad he did… It looks great. He helped me decorate it. I see that he has put his gifts under the tree as well. Poor guy needs a few lessons in wrapping gifts.

I have been preparing myself… It has hit me but then again it hasn't that this will be my first Christmas without both my parents and Jamie… I feel exhausted from my breakdowns… I need a vacation.

I am glas that I have some great friends. They have helped me so much… I can never repay them.

I walk over to the counter and grab a cookie. I decided to bring a batch home from the bakery. I know Four will be excited about this.

Speaking of Four… I wonder where he is… It's not like him to be out this late…. Given its only 6:30… but he is usually here by now.

 _It's not your place to keep track of him Tris. He is a grown man. He can stay out as long as he wants and with whomever he wants._

I make myself a quick bite to eat and clean a little after. It's about 7:30 and Four still isn't home. I go and take a shower and get ready for bed. Before getting in bed I go and check to see if Four has made it here by now. He hasn't. I'm getting a little worried. We have got to get him a cell phone. Guess I have one more Christmas present to purchase. I grad my laptop and get online. I order him a phone and just add him to my plan. Its only $10 extra a month. His new iPhone should be here in the next few days.

I decide to sit up and wait for him to get home.

I text everyone and ask if they have heard from Four. Of course no one has. I grab my Nicholas Sparks book and start where I left off. These books always get to me. Thank goodness I don't have any make up on. It would be running down my face looking a hot mess right about now.

I look at the clock and it's pushing 9:30. I lay my head down and end up dosing off. Only to be woken up by the door slamming a little too loud. My eyes shoot open to see what's going on. I see Four dragging his feet, trying to be quiet but failing miserably.

"Four?!" I say.

He jumps a little and looks in the living room where I am.

"What are you doing? Where have you been?" I ask glancing at the clock that reads around 11:30.

"Wow… I didn't know my motherrr wass ssttillll alivvve," Four slurred in a smart ass tone.

"Excuse me?" I say.

"Basically… You," he points at me, "Are not my mother. You don't have to keep up with me!"

"Fuck you! I was just worried," I say.

"No need. No one needs to worry about me… I was just out getting all of the ladies tonight… I even got a date for tomorrow night," he says proudly, "And another for the next."

Why did him having a date and talking to girls bother me so much? I told him 'we' couldn't be anything more than friends basically… I can't be mad or upset when he does go out. I also can't help but think this is a front he is putting on. He never talks like this…

Great he's drunk and a smart ass… Now I am seeing the other side of Four.

"So, this is the other side of Four that I have heard about," I say as I get up and walk past him.

"Whats thattt ssuupposed to mean?" he tries stopping me.

"It means your jackass side of you is showing… And it's not cute," I say.

"This is the real me baby doll," he says trying to straighten up.

"Well this side sucks," I say and run upstairs. I go to my room and shut my door behind me.

I hear a knock on my door.

"Go away Four. You are drunk… I don't feel like talking to this Four," I say. I don't hear him walk away.

"You are the one who told me it could only be a dare kiss Tris," he says and it sounds like he rests his head on my door.

"You're right Four. I did say that. Have fun on ALL of you date," I say.

He still doesn't move.

"Goodnight Four," I say.

"Goodnight Tris," and he is gone.

Maybe I should try and go on a date or two… I grab my phone. _I think I have lost my mind._

 **Me- Do your magic… I need to go on a date… To see if I am ready… AND NO… NOT WITH FOUR!**

I text Christina. I almost regret the text instantly; I think it's still too soon.

 **December 24** **th**

"We need to make one more batch of cookies for our Christmas party tonight," I tell Lauren. I can't believe it's the bakery's first Christmas Party. All of my employees and their significant other, if they have one, will be coming.

I only employ about 15 people plus my friends who always help. It's a start though.

"Is it ok if I bring a date," Lauren asks me.

"Yea, of course… Everyone is bringing a date… Christina actually set me up with a friend of a friend… And he is coming here to meet me tonight," I tell her.

"Oh my goodness," she said, "I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy."

…

Christina came over to help me get ready for tonight. She insisted.

"You are going to look amazing," she says handing me the dress she brought for me to wear.

It's a red cocktail dress with sequence all over it. She also brought her red pumps and red clutch with a big bow on it. I grab my mother's red ruby ring. "Don't forget your jacket, its cold," she says hanging it to me.

I haven't seen Four. We haven't really talked a whole lot since the night he came home drunk. I guess we are both just giving each other space.

Chris and I arrive at the bakery to finish up the last details. We spent most of the afternoon decorating the place and getting it ready. We closed the shop early today.

At 6 people start arriving. Will is the first to get there. He and Christina have been dating for a little while not. They are so cute together. Finally Chris is happy. All of my friend's lives are going great… all but mine.

I play hostess…sort of.

Almost everyone is here by now. I see someone walk in hat I don't recognize. I look towards Christina and she is walking up to him. This must be my date.

I have to admit… This isn't someone I would usually go for, but what the hell. I walk over to them.

"Tris," Christina says, "This is Al. He works with Will."

"Hi," I say smiling at him.

"Hi," he says back.

Al and I start up a conversation, getting to know each other. He seems like a really nice guy...he just…I don't know if this will go anywhere. I'm just taking it one step at a time. I feel a chill, almost like a shiver, going down my spine. I turn around and I am surprised. In walks Lauren and her date… Four. I turn quickly, not wanting him to catch my surprised expression.

"What's wrong?" Al asks.

"Oh nothing. Will you excuse me for a minute? I need to make sure everything is set up," I say as I walk away to my office.

Ugh… Four looks great tonight. He even wore a suit. Tris, you can't be upset. There is nothing between you two, plus you have a date here.

I sigh and decide I need to get back to the party. I am about to walk out of my office and someone starts to walk in… Four.

I look at him unsure of what to say. He starts, "You look beautiful tonight Tris."

 _Ugh don't say that._

"Thanks. You clean up nice yourself," I tell him.

"Look Tris," he sighs," I had no clue this was the party we were going to tonight. I didn't even know Lauren worked here…"

"its fine Four," I say. I know we aren't at the best place right now… We need to talk about everything. Please," he says.

"Yea fine but I have a date that I need to get back to," I tell him.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the shocked look on his face just a little. I smile and walk around him going back to the party.

I find Al awkwardly standing near the corner. I walk over to him.

"Sorry, I had to take care of something," I tell him.

"No problem," he smiles. He really does seem like a nice guy. I smile at him. Out of the corner of my eye I see Four emerge from the back. I see him glance my way then walk back to Lauren. She is talking and laughing with Madison. When Four is beside her she wraps her arm around him, and the other I on his chest. I look away. Am I jealous?

I grab a drink and gulp it down. So much for not drinking for a while. Al and I walk around the room being social. I can't help but glance at Four every now and gain. I catch him doing the same.

The party is going really well.

Christina was just as shocked about Four and Lauren as I was. We don't say much but we are really good at knowing what the other is thinking.

I am standing talking to Al, Christina, and will when Lauren and Four walk up.

"Hey Tris," Lauren says cheerfully.

"Hey Lauren," I smile.

"This is my date Four," she says clueless to the fact that we know each other.

"Yes, I know Four," I say.

"Really…," she turns to Four, "I thought you said you were not from here."

"He and Jamie were in the same unit," I say quickly.

"Oh…," she says quietly.

"Who's Jamie?" Al asks.

Everyone looks at Al then back to me.

"Jamie… Was my fiancé," I start to say.

Al looks shocked and looks down at my hand, "You still wear his ring? Are you even over him? Was this date a waste of time? Great… I just wasted this whole night on a date with a girl who still wears the ring her ex fiancé gave her… Why would you set me up with her will?"

Everyone is shocked. I can't do anything but stand there and stare at him. I try to stop the tear trying to escape. The lone tear falls anyways.

Four is the first to speak up, "Are you fucking kidding me? Get the fuck out of here you idiot!"

"Why should I leave? I didn't do anything wrong… What would you think if you were in my position," he says back.

"First I would have gotten the whole story before opening my big mouth. Her fiancé… MY BEST FRIEND lost his life kin the war fighting for us. Now get the fuck out of here before I make you leave… And that won't be a pretty site," Four spits out.

Al is shocked at what he says. "I…I…I didn't know. I'm sorry," he says.

"Just go," I whisper trying to not cry.

Al hangs his head and walks out.

At this pint everyone there is looking at us. I look at Christina, "I need to go…Umm… Can you stay and close up when the party is over?"

"Please don't go Tris. I'm so so sorry… I feel like this is my fault for setting you two up," Chris says.

"I… I need to go, before I end up breaking down in front of everyone. I will see you tomorrow… Ok…," I say, "Oh here. Hand these out to every one of the employees please."

After handing her the gift cards to hand, I walk to my office and grab my purse. I realize that I didn't drive here. I rode with Christina. Looks like I will have to grab a taxi home. I walk out from the back and say my goodbyes. I can tell my friends don't want me to leave… I just can't be here right now. I look at Four and see hurt in his eyes. I know it's still hard for him to talk about Jamie too at times.

The ride home is quiet. Thank goodness. Im really glad I didn't get one of those taxi drivers that like to make small talk…

Once inside I drop my things at the door and head straight towards my room. I walk straight to my bathroom, and turn on the water. I decide to pour in some bubbles. I walk back downstairs while my water is running and grab the bottle of whiskey. Once back in the bathroom, I strip down and get in. The water is really warm. It relaxes me a bit. I grab the bottle of whiskey and take a few sips. I didn't bring my book or phone in here so I just close my eyes. I think I drift off a little because I jump when I hear light knocks on my bathroom door. _Who is in my house? Everyone is at the party… Four is with Lauren…_

"Tris," I hear his voice and quickly sigh in relief.

"Yea," I say. I didn't drift off long because my water is still warm.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

"Four, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

"I'm in the tub…" I say and there is quiet on the other side, "But I have a lot of bubbles covering me so yea come on it."

He walks in still looking handsome in his suit.

"Where's Lauren?" I ask.

"She stayed behind to help Christina," he says.

"So… How are things going between you two…?" I try to say without it coming out sarcastic.

"It's something new… She seems like a really nice girl," he tells me.

"I have a feeling a but is coming," I say.

"Well there is a but… BUT I am not going to say it. It doesn't matter anyways," he says.

"Oh ok," I say grabbing the bottle, "Want some?"

"What the hell… Why not," he says grabbing the bottle and taking a few swigs.

I can see the alcohol still on his lips before his tongue slides across licking it away.

I blush at the thoughts in my mind. Here I am NAKED in the bath tub with Four… standing right there and I'm thinking these thoughts…How do I even feel comfortable enough to sit here naked in the bathtub with him a few feet away?

He hands me the bottle back and I quickly gulp some down.

"Umm… We can talk, but let me get out first. Just shut the door behind you ok!" I say.

He walks bout and I quickly get out and dry off. I throw on my robe and walk out.

He is sitting on my bed when I walk out. I sit beside him and look at my ring. I sigh.

"I'm sorry about what he said to you Tris," Four says.

"He is kind of right," I say.

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well… Jamie has been gone for a little while and I'm still wearing this ring like he is still going to come back and we are going to get married… I'm an idiot for still wearing it…" I say.

"No you're not Tris. People deal with things in their own time," he says.

"Yea," I say playing with the ring on my finger, "I think it's about time… I should stop kidding myself."

I pull the ring off my finger and tears run down my cheeks.

"Tris don't be upset," Four says as he wipes the tears off my face, "Who cares what anyone else thinks. If you want to wear the ring, wear it. If anyone has anything to say, send them to me."

I smile at him and even giggle a little which makes him smile. I know it is time though. I walk over to my jewelry box and put it inside. I turn and see that Four is watching me.

"Ok… enough of this mushy mess…," I say as I grab the box next to my jewelry bow.

"What's that?" Four ask referring to the box.

I sit on the bed and open it. Inside are mountains of pictures and photo albums and even a few year books.

"Want to look at old pictures with me?" I ask.

Four smiles and nods as he stands to take his jacket off.

I grab a stack of pictures and start going through them. You can't quite wipe the smile off of my face. I remember this fondly. These pictures were taken when the gang, Jamie, and I took a trip down to Florida on Spring Break. We were around 20-21. We had the best time.

"Where were these from?" Four asked.

"Our spring break trip to Panama City Beach," I tell him.

We laugh at most of the pictures. There was one of Will when he got so sunburned. He looked like a lobster. We told him not to fall asleep on the beach. I blush a little as we start finding some where I am wearing a bikini that Christina made me wear.

"Whoa," Four says, "Look at that tan you were sporting."

"Shut up," I swat at him. We go through a lot more. We see pictures from high school and some of my family. I show him pictures of my mom, dad and Caleb. He even comes across some really old pictures from around Jr. High and Elementary school.

He grabs the yearbooks and starts flipping through them.

"Oh wow," he says.

I look over and he found a picture of all of my friends and me. It was during homecoming week. We were all dressed up as different decades. My hair is teased so high and the clothes I am wearing… Wow.

"Yea those were the days," I tell him.

"Jamie was pretty scrawny right here," he says.

"Yea. He was until after high school, then he started working out a lot. Especially when he knew he was going to join the Marines," I tell him.

"You though haven't changed a bit. You still look as beautiful as ever," he says.

I have no words for him. I grad the bottle of whiskey and take another shot. I've got a serious buzz going on. A couple more of these and I will be drunk. I slide the bottle away. I won't drink anymore… Not tonight!

"What are these," Four asks as he pulls a few pictures from the year book.

I look at them and sigh, "These were taken at the homecoming dance out junior year. This is the night Jamie and I started dating." I glance back at the bottle. I think I have drink more since Jamie has been gone than I ever have. He would be so disappointed in me.

I keep a fake smile on my face. I don't want to be sad anymore but... I am.

"You looked beautiful," Four says.

He says that a lot.

"You keep telling a girl that and she just might start believing you," I tell him.

"Well maybe she needs to believe it," he says scooting a little closer to me.

I swallow hard as I start grabbing the pictures and putting them back in the box.

"What pictures are those?" Four asks pointing at the envelope with pictures still in them.

"I must have overlooked these," I say not sure what these pictures are.

I open the envelope and there is a piece of paper in it. I grab it out and read it.

 _Pictures for the wedding_

I instantly know what pictures these are. I slowly pull them out.

I look them over and I want to both laugh and cry. After I look through the pictures I stay silent and hand them to Four. He flips through them. I don't think he realizes why I am silent until he gets to the last few pictures. He gets to the picture with Jamie on one knee asking me to marry him. The next is us hugging and kissing. Finally the next is me holding my ring to show the camera with the biggest smile on my face.

I tried… I did but I grab the bottle and take big gulps. They burn going down. I walk out of my room in search of my phone…Something to distract myself. I am feeling the alcohol running through my body a little too well… I stumble and fall on my ankle… Oh the pain!

I hear Four's footsteps making their way to me as I try to get up.

"Tris, are you ok?" he kneels down beside me.

"Yea," I groan, "Actually…I think I sprained my ankle or something. Mind helping me back to my room?"

"Yea, of course," he goes to help me up so I can hobble back with his support.

It's difficult seeing as I have been drinking and now I have a hurt ankle.

"Just wrap your arms around my neck," he says, "I will just carry you."

I do and he picks me up quickly. I wrap my legs around his waist making our bodies flush with each other. I look in his eyes and he does the same.

He opens his mouth about to say something but before he can my lips crash to his. I can tell he is shocked at first but starts kissing me back. Wow. He stars carrying me back to my room while still kissing me. I start unbuttoning his shirt and he stops kissing. I glance up at him and bite my lip. He smiles and we start kissing again. We make it to my room and his shirt is unbuttoned revealing his amazing abs. He gently lays me down on the bed. I run my fingers down his stomach… Wow… This man is freaking gorgeous. He leans down and kisses me more. He kisses down my cheek to my neck. His lips feel amazing on my skin. He opens the top of my robe exposing my breast. He gently caresses them and we kiss again. I go to unbuckle his pants but get stopped. "Tris," Four stops me. I look up at him confused.

"I can't," he says shaking his head, "I am so sorry. I am stupid. You are both drunk and vulnerable…"

"Four," I say but he is already grabbing his shirt and jacket.

I quickly close my robe. I feel too exposed suddenly.

"So what… You try to kiss me and I stop it but then I finally kiss you and… What Four?" I scream at him. He doesn't want me.

"You should sleep Tris," he says.

"Stop telling me that every time something happens…" I say.

"What do you want me to say Tris?" he says.

"That you don't want me! I see that now. I don't know what I was thinking. I actually thought you might like me… but after tonight I see I was totally wrong. I have opened up to you… Why didn't you just tell me from the start Four…," I hear myself saying words, but I'm too drunk to realize what I am saying.

"Fine… Everything is my fault…," he says, "Does that make you feel better? Everything is always might my fault. It always has been and it always will be."

We both stay silent for a few minutes. Both looking at each other like…we don't want to look away.

Four sighs and says, "Goodnight Tris."

"Bye Four," I say as I roll over so my back is towards him.

I hear him walk towards my door and hear it shut behind his as he walks out.

I don't know what to do or say. I just curl up in my bed and hug my pillow. Tears stream down my face.

He doesn't want me. That is the only thing my drunken mind can process right now.

I just want to stay in my bed from now on. My fiancé isn't here anymore… The guy I thought wanted me… Just left me… I just don't know what to do anymore. Why is my life so fucked up?

I glance at the clock… 1a.m.

Merry Fucking Christmas to me.

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this chapter! Next week is Christmas, so I am hoping to post a chapter Monday or Tuesday fingers crossed. I will be a little busy with of course last minute shopping. Do you guys have all of your Christmas shopping done yet? I am so ready to have my done with! Anyways review and favorite if you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I know it's been a couple of weeks… Sorry! First it was Christmas then my computer decided to mess up! Everything should be good now though! I did get a chance to write though… I am now a few chapters ahead they just need to be typed! Yay! I am also going to start a Pinterest page for the story. I don't have it done yet…. But I am going to have it started soon! I will probably have it up to date by next chapter. I will post where to find it.**

 **Also... I am sorry if there are a lot of mistakes in this chapter... I had a 3 year old climbing on me like a monkey or begging for this or that the entire time I was trying to type! ha! #lifeofamother**

 **Chapter 5 - Christmas Day**

"Ohhh…" I moan and groan as my eyes flutter open. The sunlight…too bright… And my head! It's pounding. I need water…and Advil… UGHHHH…. I uncover my face a glance at the clock. 8 a.m. I think about the Christmas mornings when I was younger. My brother and I would wake up around 6 and run to see what Santa brought for us then we would go wake up out parents. They would always try to get us to go back to sleep for a while but that wasn't happening. I understand now…

I roll out of bed and stand. My ankle gives a little. I completely forgot about hurting it. OH MY GOSH… Last night is coming back to me. I close my eyes and shake my head. I limp down to the kitchen. There is a box on the counter. I grab a water from the refrigerator and walk to the counter. There is a note by the box.

 _This was delivered_

 _after you left for the_

 _Christmas party!_

 _-Four_

I open the box to find out it is the phone I ordered him…

I sigh and decide I might as well wrap it quickly. Before I do though, I grad the bottle of Advil and take some. I also start some coffee. I quickly wrap the gift and set it under the tree. I see a few extra gifts under the tree…Four must have bought extra.

Just as I get through placing it under the tree and make myself a cup of coffee, Christina and Will burst through the door with their arms filled with gifts and food.

"Merry Christmas," she says.

"Merry Christmas," I mumble.

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," she asks.

"No someone had too much to drink last night…" I say and on cue Four walks through the front door. He looks like he rolled out of the wrong side of the bed as well.

Did he leave last night? Where did he go?

"Morning," he said to everyone as he walks towards the coffee.

We are not making eye contact and I think Christina noticed. I can already see the wheels turning in her mind.

Time to change the subject.

"So Chris… What time are you wanting to start cooking?" I ask.

"Well everyone will be here after lunch, so I say we start a little before lunch and we can eat later of course," she says.

"Well what on earth are you two doing here so early?" I ask.

"Well… My parents are gone on a cruise remember and Will's family have has their Christmas on Christmas Eve," she says.

"Again I ask… Why are you here so early?" I ask.

"I wasn't going to let you spend Christmas alone," she confesses.

"Technically, she isn't alone," Will says as he yawns and points at Four, who is helping himself to some coffee.

"Well it looks like he just got home," Christina says.

"Anyways," I say, "What do you guys want to do in the mean time?"

"It doesn't matter," they say.

"Well I know I have to make a cake soon but that's all," I say.

"Want to play a game or something?" Christina asks.

"Not truth or dare," I say quickly.

"No not that. How about charades or something?" she says.

"Actually… It's a little early. Can we just hangout for a little while. I'm not fully awake yet and this hangover I have… not fun," I say.

I cut my eyes to Four because I can feel him glaring at me.

"Fine, ok Missy," Christina says.

She is a morning person, and I on the other hand am not.

I can get up to go into work fine…but any other day… ugh… I need coffee.

We walk in the living room and talk.

"So Four… You and Lauren?" Christina says… of course she does.

I look down at my coffee and don't say a word.

"Tris did you know about them?" she asks.

"Nope," I say quickly letting the 'p' pop.

"By the way, I am so sorry about Al… Who knew he was such a jerk," she says.

"It's fine. I'm just taking that as a sign… I don't need a man in my life right now," I say.

I feel Four's eyes looking at me again.

I sigh.

"So Four, is Lauren still coming tonight?" Will asks.

That gets my attention real fast.

"Umm… yea. I believe she is," he says and looks at me.

I nod my head a little like really!? Only for sees me.

"Ive got a cake to make," I say getting up and walking to the kitchen.

I hear footsteps following me. I'm not sure who it is…Christina or Four. I sit my cup on the counter and sigh. I turn to see who I will be having a conversation with. It's Christina.

"What's wrong Tris?" she asks.

"Nothing. I just have to get this cake made," I tell her.

"Tris, please, remember who you are talking to. It's me Christina. The girl who knows when you are trying to bullshit me," he says.

"I don't know Chris. Everything… Jamie dying… My first Christmas without him… That idiot Al…" then I whisper, "Four."

Christina hugs me. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

I nod. We go upstairs to my bedroom. Christina shuts the door, "Spill!"

"Ive got to take a shower. We can talk while I do that," I say.

I jump in the shower and she doesn't even give me a chance to get my hair wet.

"Ok Tris… What's going on?" she says.

"I don't know Chris. Ever since that stupid dare kiss… Thanks for that by the way," I say.

"So you do like him… I knew it," she says.

"We decided… Well I decided that we were just going to let that be what it was…. A dare kiss. Nothing more," I say.

"That was anything but a dare kiss Tris," she tells me.

"I know," I say.

"Then what's the problem," she asks.

"It had to be just a dare kiss. It wouldn't be fair to Jamie… It hasn't been long enough… He was Jamie's bestfriend… The list goes on," I say.

"Tris, trust me, Jamie only wants you to be happy," she tells me.

"I was happy with him. Why did he have to leave me?" I cry in the shower.

"Oh Tris, I can tell there is more that's upsetting you. What happened? Is it about Al," she asked.

"Four and I…" I say.

"Four and you what? What happened?" she asks.

"Technically, not much," I say.

"Come on Tris… Just start from the beginning," she says.

I'm glad she can't see my face right now. I take a deep breath.

"ok… Four came home shortly after I did last night. He came to check on me. I was in the tub. He scared the hell out of me at first….-,"

"Ok maybe you can skip the unnecessary parts," she says.

"Yea… Right… Well… We talked a little and he helped me through my breakdown. I took my ring off by the way. Then we started looking through all of my pictures and old yearbooks. That was fun until we can across pictures from when Jamie proposed. Also I better add I had been drinking since I got home. After seeing those I walked out of my room to find my phone and I fell. I sprained my ankle. He came to help me. He picked me up… Then we kissed…a bunch. We got to the bed and it went a little further. I was unbuttoning his pants and bam… he stops it. It was embarrassing. I felt rejected. We argued after… I don't know what to feel or think. I feel like he doesn't want me," I say finally getting out of the shower.

She is standing there with a shocked look on her face then smirks.

"I knew it," she says, "I knew you two liked each other."

"Did you not hear a work I said," I asked her.

"Yes…but did he say why he stopped," she asked.

"He said I was drunk and vulnerable…" I say.

"See Tris… he's a good guy. He didn't want you to regret something you did while you were drunk… That doesn't mean he didn't want you… Plus, you two aren't dating… Maybe he didn't want to just hookup with you… There are so different many reasons why he probably stopped it," Chris tells me.

"I don't know if Im ready for a relationship or not… Plus apparently he has Lauren now," I say.

"He doesn't look at Lauren the way he looks at you," she says.

"He may not but he is with her. Maybe it's good that things didn't go further last night," I say.

"I don't see that lasting," Chris says.

"Well I'm not getting in the way of that," I say.

"Everything will work itself out," Chris says.

I throw on some clothes that I don't mind getting messy since we are going to be cooking.

When Christina and I make our way back downstairs, Will and Four are both passed out on the couch. Christina runs and snaps pictures. I go to the kitchen and start of the cake. While that's in the oven I start on all of the other dishes we are having tonight.

I actually make 2 cakes. No one knows though. One is going to be my dirty Santa gift. Uriah and Zeke will fight over this cake… It's their favorite Dauntless Chocolate cake. Uriah actually named the cake.

I get it iced and in a container. I wrap I t quickly while Christina is with the guys at the store. (If they can even find a store that's even open on Christmas Day.) I place it under the tree and hear them walk back through the door.

…

Everyone has made it here except Four. He left a little bit ago to get Lauren.

I am so glad Christina has kept our conversation earlier a secret… so far.

"Ok. Everything is done, so I am going to change. I'll be right back down," I tell everyone.

Everyone has their ugly sweaters on. It's hilarious. I throw mine on with some black leggings. I even bought a pair of reindeer antlers. When I get back downstairs, Four has made it back with Lauren. Christina is instantly by my side like something is going to happen.

"Team Tris," she whispers in my ear.

I just laugh and shake my head at her.

"Tris, oh my gosh. I had no clue Four was staying here at your place," Lauren says.

"Yea… I didn't even think about it," I lie.

I have nothing against Lauren… That the problem. I actually like the girl. She works for me… I wish I hated her though… Is that bad?

We sit around and talk for a while until Uriah and Zeke act like they are going to waste away.

…

"Oh my… That was soooo good," Marlene says.

"Yes. I don't think I can eat another bite," Shauna adds.

"Ugh… Yes… So full… .ROOM," Uriah whines.

"Well you did get three plates," I tell him, "And I guess since you are full and you have no more room… I will just keep this Dauntless Cake for myself huh…"

"YOU MADE DAUNTLESS CAKE," Uriah and Zeke scream and run to the kitchen to find it. We all laugh at them.

"What is Dauntless Cake?" Fours asks.

"You haven't lived until you try Tris' Dauntless Cake," Christina says.

"What's so good about Dauntless Cake?" he jokes knowing Uriah and Zeke will give him an ear full.

"Just try a piece," Will spoke up.

Four cut a piece and took a bite. Everyone is starring at him waiting on his reaction.

"Ehhh...," he says, "It's pretty good."

"Pretty good… PRETTY GOOD… How could you say it's just pretty good? It's the best cake you have ever put in your mouth," Uriah says.

We all laugh.

…

"Ok, so everyone knows the rules, correct," Christina says shaking the bowl with the numbers for dirty santa inside.

We all nod.

"Ok there are 10 people…Right," she says counting the pieces of paper in the bowl to make sure.

"Right," I say after counting everyone.

When everyone picks numbers we get the game started. This will be fun… there will probably be truly 'dirty' gifts and normal… Let's see how this will go.

We draw number.

#1. Lynn #6. Tris

#2. Lauren #7. Will

#3. Christina #8. Marlene

#4. Uriah #9. Zeke

#5. Shauna #10. Four

Lynn goes up and grabs a gift from the pile in the middle of the floor.

She sits back down and starts opening her gift. She opens the box it is in. When she pulls out a mason jar full of gumballs we all look confused. She shrugs and opens it to get a gumball out. When she does she finds the middle is actually hollow and she pulls out $25 in cash.

"Very clever," Marlene says.

"Man… I should have left it closed… Then everyone would just think it was gumballs instead of cash. It would have been all mine and no one would have known… Well except the person that brought it," Lynn whines.

Lauren stands to go next. She stands there trying to decide whether she wants to open a new gift or steal Lynn's. She decides to open a new gift. She grabs a small gift that's in a little bag. She walks back to sit beside Four and opens the bag. Inside is a piece of paper and a rock. She reads the paper and it turns out to be a gift certificate.

Bella Oak Spa – 1 hour massage

"This was more than a $25 gift," Lauren speaks up.

"I know the owner pretty well," Christina says smiling. Her mom owns the spa.

"Ok who is next," I say.

"Me," Christina squeals.

She looks the gifts over. She decided on a new gift. She grabs the big bag and opens it.

"Oh my gosh, it is so soft," she says as she pulls out the big throw blanket you can tell looking at it that it is soft.

Uriah jumps up and steals Lynn's gum and cash.

She sticks her tongue out at him and grabs a gift. My gift.

She unwraps the paper and reveals the cake.

"What!" Uriah screams.

We all laugh at him.

"I guess you shouldn't have stolen my gum and money," Lynn smirks at him.

Uriah sulks in his seat.

"Awww Uriah," Zeke says, "Don't be a baby!"

"Shauna is next. She grabs a gift and opens it.

"URIAH PEDRAD!?" she says as she pulls a blow up doll out.

I can't help it… I burst out laughing along with everyone else.

Shauna just rolls her eyes.

My turn. I look at the gifts… I decide I'm going to steal Lauren's, the spa gift certificate. I know Chris is going to think I'm going this for other reasons, I'm not though. I just want that massage. Ive been so stressed lately I could really use it.

 **Four POV**

As I am sitting here watching Tris decide if she wants to steal a gift or open a new one, I can't help but let my mind play back everything that has happened.

Flashback

" _Tris, are you ok?" I kneel down beside her. She is so drunk._

" _Yea," she groaned, "Actually… I think I sprained my ankle or something. Mind helping me back to my room?"_

" _Yea, of course," I try to help her but she is too drunk to walk on a sprained ankle…._

" _Just wrap your arms around my neck," I tell her, "I'll just carry you."_

 _I quickly pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist. Her body right against mine… She is looking at me with lust in her eyes. I can't help but feel myself harden. I start to say something to break the silence but her lips crash into mine. I kiss her back. This is better than the first kiss…. The dare kiss. I shiver when I feel her small hands unbuttoning my shirt. It's off quickly and she runs her hand down my chest and chills instantly cover my whole body. I lean down and kiss her gently. I kiss down her neck and her robe is slightly open. I push it to the side a little exposing her perfect breast. I caress them and kiss her again. She reaches to unbuckle my pants._

 _What am I doing? I have wanted to be with Tris, but now it just doesn't feel right. She is drunk and I shouldn't do this to her. She deserves so much more._

" _Tris," I say. She looks at me confused._

" _I can't," it ell her, "I am so sorry. I am stupid. You are both drunk and vulnerable…"_

" _Four," she says as I grab my shirt and jacket._

 _I turn and she is closing her robe. God I feel like an idiot._

" _So what… You try to kiss me and I stop it but then I finally kiss you and… What Four," she screams at me._

 _I don't know what to do or say to her… I'm sure I just made her feel unwanted._

" _You should sleep Tris," he says._

" _Stop telling me that every time something happens," she screams at me._

" _What do you want me to say Tris," I ask her._

" _That you don't want me! I see that now. I don't know what I was thinking. I actually thought you might like me… but after tonight… I see I was totally wrong. I have opened up to you… Why didn't you just tell me from the start Four…" she says to me._

 _Oh but I do… I like you more thank you can imagine. I have managed to fall for you… I want to tell you all this but all I say is, "Fine… Everything is my fault… Does that make you feel better? Everything is always my fault. It always has been and always will be."_

 _It's true… It always was my fault when I was younger too…At least in my father's eyes._

" _Good night Tris," I say to her finally._

" _Bye Four," she says coldly then turns over. I can hear the hurt and confusion in her voice._

 _I walk towards the door… I don't want to leave things like this but I don't know what to do. As I shut the door I hear her cry into her pillow. It cuts me into pieces. I don't want to make her cry._

 _I just want to punch something! I walk down stairs trying to figure out what I need to do._

 _I walk to the kitchen and grab a water. I glance at the box on the counter and the note I wrote with it._

 _I quickly realize this isn't my house… My home…Its hers… I can't stay here after I just did that to her._

 _I go grab the key to the truck and head towards the nearest hotel. I'm sure she doesn't want to see me when she gets up. I pull into the first hotel I come along._

Flashback over.

Before I knew it, it was my turn to go. I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I missed the whole thing. Since Tris took the gift card form Lauren, she had to get something different. She ended up opening a new gift again. She opened up a box that had a cheap Styrofoam cooler inside. She opened this cooler and inside is a big block of ice and you can see there is money in the middle.

"Wow… Really," she laughed.

Will has a bag full of candy with a $10 gift card, Mar has what looks like 3 bottles body mist or perfume from Victoria Secret, and Zeke jumped at the chance to grab the cake from Lynn. Lynn got the small wrapped box. Inside she found a visa gift card.

Now it's my turn. I decide not to steal from anyone and go for the gift bag. It has a snowman printed on the bad with red tissue paper poking out of the top. I pick the bag up not expecting it to be as heavy at it is.

I take the tissue paper off the top and spot a 5th of Jack. I pull the bottle out of the bag and show it off.

"And I got stuck with a damn blow up doll," Shauna laughs.

"Oh I'll share some Dauntless Cake with you babe," Zeke tells her. We all laugh.

"Ok…Secret Santa gift time," Christina chimes in.

I watch Tris get up and walk over to the tree.

"I have a few gifts to give out before we get started," she says.

"We were only supposed to get out secret Santa a gift Tris," Chris says.

"Well… Jamie isn't here for me to buy for this year," she says.

Everyone can hear the emotion in her voice but looking at her face you can see none. She is a pro at hiding her emotions sometimes.

She quickly picks up two gifts and hands them to Chris and Mar.

"Some of you won't get a gift until secret Santa starts. Oh and Lauren, I didn't know you were coming… I'm sorry I didn't get you a gift."

"It's ok Tris," Lauren smiles at her.

Christina and Marlene open their gifts and gasp a little when they see the Tiffany's box.

They both look at Tris shocked.

"Well open the box and at least look what's inside," Tris tells them.

They both quickly open their box and find their infinity bracelets.

"Oh my gosh," Christina says, "Tris you didn't need to get us these."

"Well they are sort of a Thank You gift for keeping the bakery going while I was away. That means more than you know," Tris says.

All three of the girls have tears running down their cheeks. Tris has some great friends.

"Ok enough of this silly stuff," Tris sniffles and then smiles.

She then goes to the tree and grabs a box. She walks towards me and hands it to me. I look up at her confused.

"It's not much… It's not Tiffany's," she jokes. She actually joked with me… Is that a good sign?

I tear open the paper and see it's the box that was delivered. I open it to find and iPhone inside.

"You got me a cell phone," I say shocked.

"Well yeah… I got it the night you stayed out late… The night I was worried about you and could get in touch with you to make sure you were ok," she admits.

"Thank you Tris," I tell her.

We look at each other for what seemed like forever. I'm not sure whether I should hug her or would that be too much right now?

She goes to say something then Lauren chimes in.

"Oh, I will show you all of the great things this phone can do," she says.

Tris glances her way with an annoyed look on her face and goes to sit down.

"Ok, I'll hand out the gifts," Chris says.

I keep glancing Tris' way as the gifts are being passed around.

Christina hands everyone their gifts…even Lauren. I made sure I got her a gift since she was coming.

"whose gift is this?" Christina asks holding up a smaller wrapped box.

"That gift stays under the tree for now," I tell her.

She gives me a look and puts it back under the tree.

 **Tris' POV**

"Do you guys want to open the gifts one at a time or all at once," I ask.

"Let's do them one at a time so everyone can see what everyone got," Shauna says.

"Ok, well who wants to go first," I ask.

"Let's just start with Lauren and go around the room," Christina suggests.

"ok," I agree.

Lauren smiles and opens her gift. She pulls out a white fuzzy North Face jacket with pink writing.

"Oh my gosh," she squeals and looks at Four, "You got me the jacket I wanted."

She jumps up at grabs Fours face and kisses him. Not an open mouth, passionate kiss, just a closed mouth lips pressed together kiss.

I feel my stomach turn.

I quickly look away. That's not something I wanted to see… at all.

"Thank you," Lauren says when she finally sits down.

"Ok Four," Christina says, "Your turn."

Four opens his gift, it's a small box. Inside he pulls out a gift card to Sports Academy with a note-

I know you like to run, so I got a gift card for you to get some workout clothes or something.

"Thank you," he says to everyone because of course he doesn't know who bought it.

"Me next," says Marlene.

She grabs the tissue paper from the bag then grabs the items. She pulls out body mist, perfume, body lotion and body wash from Victoria's Secret. All love spell scent.

"I'm beginning to think people are trying to tell me I stink," she laughs.

"Oh you know love spell is your favorite! We know you love it," I tell her.

"True," she says, "Uri your turn."

"Ok," he says excited as he rips his gift open. I hope he likes it…As well as everyone else.

He opens the box and reads the note sitting on the top out loud, "Uriah, this gift is not only for you but everyone else. Open to see. Oh P.S. there is one Dauntless Cake with your name on it whenever want." He smiles really big when he reads bout the Dauntless Cake.

He moves the note and spots the tickets.

"Shut the fuck up," Uriah screams, "Are you kidding? Is this a joke?"

I just smile. Everyone is trying to figure out what he got. He pulls out the tickets and start handing them out. I made sure to put names on everyone's, so that couples could sit by each other. Everyone looks at them and their mouths drop then they look at me. And again I just smile.

"Tris…These seats are amazing… These had to cost …-," I cut Uriah off.

"It doesn't matter how much they cost! Merry Christmas!"

"Tris, this is too much," Will states.

"Yes! Especially because you already gave us bracelets from Tiffany's," Christina chimes in.

"Look… They are already paid for… The bakery has been doing really well, so just get over how much they cost and say you can't wait to go or something," I say.

"They are playing the Red Sox," Four randomly says and smiles.

I smile also because I did that on purpose. I knew that the Boston Red Sox are his favorite team. By the way he is looking at me right now I can tell he knows. Just looking in his deep blue eyes I almost forgot about the kiss between him and Lauren just minutes ago…Almost. I pull my eyes away from him.

Everyone continues opening their gifts until it is my turn.

My gift just looks like it's a card. I open the envelope and inside is a card. In handwriting that I know is Christina's the card says:

 _Tris,_

 _You have been through so much this year._

 _You are the strongest person I know. I love you_

 _and will always be here for you!_

 _Love Christina._

On a piece of paper in the card it says:

Good for one tattoo of your choice at Tori's Tattoo Shop.

Christina and I have been talking about tattoos for a few weeks now. She knows I want one but I'm too nervous to get on by myself.

"Just wanted to give you that little push we were talking about," she smiles at me.

"Thank you," I tell her, "Now what to get…"

 **December 31** **st** **(New Year's Eve)**

I get to the tattoo shop around 9:30. I walk in and see a few people standing around.

"Can I help you," a tall skinny girl covered in tattoos and piercings says as I walk to the counter.

"Yea, umm, is Tori here," I ask.

"She might be… Who's asking?" the girl then looks at me with an attitude.

"I'm Tris. Christina sent me with this," I say handing her the paper and look at her not intimidated at all.

"I'll be right back," she says walking to the back room.

Seconds later the tattooed girl is walking back behind Tori. I've met her once or twice with Christina. They are cousins.

"Hey Tris," Tori walks around the counter and hugs me… ok that's not normal.

"Hey Tori," I say.

"Im sorry about Jamie," she says bluntly. That explains the hug.

"Thank you," I say.

"So how have you seen?" she tries to make small talk.

"I'm good. Umm… do you think you could give me a tattoo tonight?" I ask.

"I'm a little busy, but I think I can get you before midnight," she says to me.

"Thanks," I say.

"Do you have any idea of what you might want?" she asks me.

"Not sure yet," I admit.

She laughs, "So you come to a tattoo parlor and don't know what you want. Well I need to finish the tattoo I'm working on. I thought the guy might need a little break. Rachel will show you my books maybe you can get an idea from there."

"Ok," I say.

Rachel hands me the book and I start flipping through the pictures and sketches. I see skulls and roses, hearts and stars. I also see all of her really detailed pieces. Wow… She is amazing.

I finally decide what I want. I look at my phone and see it is already 11. I hadn't realized I had been here that long. The guy that was getting the outline walks out with his whole back bandaged.

"Have you figured out what you want?" Tori asks.

"Yes. I actually want two," I tell her, "One on my collar bone right here (I point and show her). I also want one here on my shoulder. The one I want on my collar has three ravens. One represents Jamie and the other two represent my parents. The on my shoulder I want – Be Brave & Be Brilliant.

"Ok you can go wait in that room. I have a couple of piercings to do before your tattoo," Tori says.

"Ok," I say.

My phone rings and Chris' name pops up.

"Hello," I answer.

"Tris, where are you? I thought you were coming to the party? Everyone else is here…-,"I put her on speaker and set the phone down. I know she will keep blabbing. Tori walks in to grab some gloves and hears Chris. She laughs and shakes her head.

Christina continues talking, "Four is here too… We still haven't finished talking about you two yet!"

I quickly jerk up the phone taking it off speaker.

"Chris, you have been drinking, we will talk about that later. And I am at Tori's. I decided to get a tattoo or two," I tell her.

"Well Four seems like he is looking for someone… Probably you… Maybe be wants you to be his midnight kiss," she screams. I know everyone just heard her.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I won't make it there by midnight," I tell her. I still am not sure where Four and I stand. We have spoken to each other since Christmas Eve… but it's still like walking on egg shells.

"Tris… You have to get a midnight kiss…" Chris whines.

"Yea! Trissy you need to get a midnight kiss… I would come give you one but Shauna might get jealous and murder us both in our sleep," Zeke speaks in the phone. Wow… They all sound really wasted.

"I've got to go Chris," I say and hang up.

As I hang up a guy with dark brown hair and green eyes stops at the door.

"Waiting on Tori?" he asks.

"Yea," I say back.

"First tattoo?" he smiles at me.

"First two," I tell him.

He laughs a little and walks in the room, "Brave girl getting two on your first visit."

"I guess," I reply.

He stays and talks with me for a bit until Tori comes back.

"Well I better go watch the front," he says, "I'm Edward by the way."

"Tris," I tell him.

"Nice to meet you Tris," he says.

"Let's get you started so I can get my new year's kiss from Bud," Tori smiles at me.

I just smile at here and turn in my seat. We do my collar first then my shoulder. The pain… Man it hurts, but I welcomed the pain. I welcome this physical pain with all of the emotional pain I have been dealing with lately.

Once Tori is finished I look in the mirror at them.

"I love them," I tell her, "I will probably be back for more later."

She laughs at me. "Put this ointment on them ok," she says before bandaging them and walking out.

I walk to the front and pay for my tattoos.

After I pay everyone has started the count down. I didn't realize it was almost midnight.

I look around and notice all the couples with their arms around each other waiting for midnight.

When the clock strikes midnight everyone cheers and then starts kissing.

I quickly make my way towards the exit when I feel a hand grab my arm. I turn quickly to see who grabbed me…

It's the Edward guy.

"Wanna be my midnight kiss?" he asks.

I stand there for a minute…

Why not? Four has Lauren now… This guy is cute… Not my normal type though…

I smile at him and tilt my head slightly giving him the ok nod.

He leans down and our lips connect. It's an ok kiss…but it's not a Four kiss. I almost immediately regret the kiss but oh well… At least no one will know. It's not like my friends are here to bug me about it. I know Tori isn't one to gossip… Even if she was, she is too busy with Bud.

Edward finally steps back, "Thank Tris."

"I should go," I say.

"Wait… Let me take you out one day next week," he says.

"Umm… I'll let you know," I say and walk out of the shop.

I turn towards the direction of my car and see a familiar looking person from behind. He is walking away quickly.

"Four," I say too low for him to hear me, "FOUR!"

He stops but doesn't turn at first.

When he does finally turn, I am almost caught up with him.

I can tell something is wrong with him. I just don't know what.

"What are you doing here? I thought you would be at the party?" I ask.

"I was," is all he said.

"Ok… What brings you here?" I ask.

"No reason Tris… No reason at all," he says before saying in a smart ass tone, "I see you got your midnight kiss!"

He stands there looking at me as I do him with a shocked look on my face. I didn't know he saw that!

My phone breaks my eyes away from him- Christina.

"Did he make it," she screamed.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Did Four make it by midnight to kiss you," she finally says, "He asked me where you were. I told him and he left. I'm assuming he wanted you to be his midnight kiss."

"Umm…" I'm speechless.

He came all the way here to kiss me at midnight and I fucked it up by kiss that Edward guy.

"Well," Chris says.

"No," I say softly.

"Oh," she says. She can hear the disappointment in my voice.

"I… I'll talk to you later," I say and hang up.

"Four," I say.

"Let me guess… Christina asked if I made it to kiss you," he says.

I just nod, lost for words.

"Well as you can see I didn't make it," he says, "So I think I'll head back to the party now."

"Four," I say.

"Don't. Don't Tris," he says, "I don't understand you sometimes. First you don't want a relationship right now… then you have a date… You don't like when Im talking to a girl…but then you kiss a random guy at midnight? What do I have to do to be good enough for you when you are sober Tris? I don't think you know what you want… I think I have become a comfort zone for you Tris… You are too afraid to do anything because I could leave just like Jamie… Well I'm done with the games Tris. Ok…"

Before my brain can process everything he walks away.

I want to tell him how I feel. I want him to know that I do want him… I just want him to know how right he is about how scared I am… I don't stop him though. I just walk to my car and drive home. I try to figure out how I am going to talk to him. It's really late and I know he will probably come home drunk. I will talk to him tomorrow though… I will! I want him to know how I feel.

 **Well I hope you guys like it. There were a few ways I wanted to go with this story but I finally just decided to go this direction. Don't forget to review, favorite and follow if you like it! That is what keeps this story going... The more I get the more I know people are actually reading my story and it makes me want to write more! (: If you have any requests or ideas you might like to see somewhere in this story you can pm me. I will get back to you! (: Thanks again for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! First I want to thank everyone that has read my story, followed/favorited & reviewed! I know it's been a while since I posted a chapter but I have a reason. I had two family members that I was extremely close to pass away a day apart and it kind of shook our whole family. I am just now trying to get back into writing and stuff so please be patient with me! I am hoping to post another chapter this week but there are no promises. I hope you guys like this chapter! Let me know what you think! **

**Tris POV**

As I stand in front of the mirror and looked at my tattoos I smile. Last night wasn't the best night, but I am going to live true to my tattoo.

I am going to be Brave!

I am going to talk to Four today. I will let him know what I am feeling. I quickly brush my teeth and hair before walking downstairs… I don't know if he will be up now or not… I wasn't awake when he got home.

As I walk in the kitchen I see a wrapped gift and a note on the bar. I start the coffee then walk over to get the note and gift. I pick it up the note and unfold it.

 _Tris-_

 _First I want to thank you for giving me a place to stay wince I have been back. You didn't have to but you did and I am very grateful for that. I think though now it's time for me to figure things out in my life. I need to get away from here for a little while. I am not sure where exactly I am going yet. Just wherever the road takes me. I don't know when I will talk to you again… I feel like I have caused you unnecessary stress in your life. I can't keep doing that to you. I think we both need our own space. I hate to leave without actually telling you goodbye… but I knew it would probably be harder. The gift… I've had it for you for a few weeks, I wasn't sure when the right time to give it to you was._

 _-When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on-_

 _-Four_

With tears streaming down my face I open the gift.

It's a Tiffany's box… No…

I open it and inside is the knot earrings I looked at the day I got Chris and Mars bracelets. I can't believe he went back and got them.

He can't be gone.

I drop the box on the bar and run to his room.

His bags are gone. Lying on the bed is his cell phone I bought him.

"No," I cry out in frustration.

…

"Tris," I hear Christina yell from downstairs.

"Up here," I say hearing my own voice crack from all the crying.

She opens the bathroom door.

"I got your message, what's wrong? All you wrote was you needed me here… I was worried," she says.

"He left," I sniffle.

"What? Who?" she asks.

I hand her the note then sink further in the water.

She reads thee note, "Oh Tris."

I give her an 'I already know' look.

"What can I do? Have you tried calling him," she asks.

"He left his phone here," I tell her.

"Im sorry Tris. I know how much you really cared about him…Even if you were too stubborn and scared to admit it," she says.

"I was going to tell him today," I cry.

"What happened? What made him leave? Last night he was going to kiss you at midnight… What happened?"

"I fucked up," I tell her.

"How?" she asks.

"I was stupid and kissed a random guy at Tori's shop," I tell her the cover my face, "Four saw it."

We sit there silent to a while.

"What do I do Chris?" I ask her.

"Honestly… You give him the space he needs. Maybe it's a good thing for both of you," she says.

I nod. I don't want to believe space is the best thing for us though.

"What's the gift?" she asks.

"It's in the kitchen. I'm getting out. I'll be down in a few," I tell her.

She walks out and I grab my towel and robe. I walk downstairs and find her in the kitchen.

"He got you these?" she asks holding the earrings up.

"Yea… I looked at them when we were shopping for my Christmas presents. I saw these and I guess he saw how much I liked them. He didn't tell me he got them though," I tell her.

"What are you going to do? You can't just do... nothing," she says.

"You just said space was probably best for both of us… now you changed your mind," I laugh, "What am I supposed to do? I'm not sure where he went. He said he needed space."

"He doesn't know how you truly feel either," she says, "Maybe you need to find him and tell him. Do you not have any idea where he might have gone?"

I think… I don't know a lot about his past like that…but I do know where he is from!

"Boston!" I say quickly.

"Boston? Why Boston?" she asks.

"That's where he is from… Where else would he go?" I say.

She nods her head.

"So...," I look at her with a grin on my face, "Want to go on a road trip with me?"

"I guess I have no plans since the bakery is still closed. Plus Will has to work of course… Boston here we come," she tells me.

"Well hurry and get packed. I want to leave tomorrow morning," I tell her.

When she leaves I head upstairs and pack a bag. I can't believe I'm going this.

It's so hard to fall asleep. I am both excited and nervous. Maybe this roller coaster we are on will finally be over and we will both be on the same page. I know he has feelings for me and I do for him. I just have to stop being scared.

 **January 2** **nd**

The next morning is here before I know it. I am up and at it bright and early. I text Christina and let he know I will be her way in about 30 minutes. I decide to make us some butter rum muffins for our trip. I pack the muffins and my stuff.

When I mentioned to Christina that we could make a road trip out of this… I didn't think about it being like a 15 hour drive to Boston. We will have fun either way though.

When I pull up at Christina's I honk the horn then text her, again. Then I see her coming with 2 rolling bags and one she is carrying. Jeez this girl has to take so many outfits of she can't function.

"Morning," I tell her as she throws her bags in.

"Morning," she says like she is still asleep.

"I brought muffins and coffee," I say holding them up.

"You are a life saver," she says as she takes a big sip of coffee then a bite of the muffin.

"Ready to go?" I ask her.

"More like are you ready?" she smiles at me.

"Yes… Yes I am," I say then pull away from her apartment.

"So… Have you even asked any of the guys or _Lauren_ if they heard from him yesterday?" Christina asked.

"I didn't think to ask…. Text everyone and ask if they have heard from Four," I tell her.

She does and gets immediate responses from almost everyone.

 **Zeke- Yea. He told me he was getting away for a while. I asked where he was going and he said he wasn't sure but probably Boston.**

 **Uriah- He just said bye and the he was heading out of town for a while.**

 **Will- just saying bye.**

Lauren- no response from her yet.

Christina reads the responses to me and I just nod.

"And Lauren?" I ask.

"She hasn't replied yet…" she says.

"Great… She's probably the one who would know since they are so close," I say.

"Yea… Probably," she says.

The next few hours consists of us driving, eating our breakfast and being girls of course.

Christina decided she was going to play some old songs we listened to as teens. Even though we didn't know each other back then… we had the same taste in music.

"Yoooo… I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want-," Christina sings.

"So tell me what you want, what you really, really want-," I sing back to her.

We both laugh at ourselves.

"Chris," I say as I see a sign saying Boston is only 75 miles away, "How am I supposed to find him?"

I am starting to get nervous now. Am I doing the right thing? Did I waste all of this money on gas and our time by coming here? Again how am I going to find him?

"Well what all do you know about his personal life?" Chris asks, "I mean about his life in Boston."

"Well I know his last name is Eaton… He didn't talk about his life before joining the military with me," I tell her.

"Well let me see what I can figure out before we get there," she says grabbing her iPad.

After a few minutes she says, "I found out that the mayor's last name is Eaton… I've only found a few others but not Four… Wait… Did Four pay baseball?"

"Yea… Find something?" I ask.

"Old newspaper articles…. He looks like he was really good by the looks of these articles… Lead his team to playoffs several years," she said, "His real name is Tobias. They have pictures of him so I know it's him for sure."

We stop at a red light and she turns the screen my way. He still looks the same only… The emotion on his face is like he is hiding something.

"Here is the picture of the mayor. Look at his eyes… This has to be Four's dad," she says.

She was right. He and Four do favor a lot.

"Maybe we could start there?" Christina says.

"Maybe," I said, "Keep looking and see what else you can find out."

By the time we got to our hotel, Christina found out the mayor is in fact Four's dad and Four's mom passed away when he was younger. There is a diner downtown that has a burger named after Four and Four seemed like he had a bad boy reputation.

"So… Where do you want to start?" Chris asked jumping on the bed.

"First I just want to sleep. I am exhausted after that drive. We could start at the diner tomorrow. We could get breakfast and maybe ask if anyone knows where to find him. I don't think I want to go to his dad… I think something is going on or something between them… Why else would he tell Jamie he didn't really have a home to go to?" I tell her.

"Well lets sleep on it and we will start at the diner I n the morning," she says.

It doesn't talk long for either of us to pass out.

 **January 3** **rd**

"Time to wake up," Christina shakes my arm a little.

"Ok," I groan and head straight for the shower. The hot water beating on my back feels amazing. I am really going to have to use my gift card for the spa soon. I need to relax.

I throw a towel around me and walk out of the bathroom.

"Ok, I have two outfits on your bed. I am going to let you decide which one you want to wear," Chris tell me.

"Really," I say walking over to the bed.

"By the way, I love your tattoos. Do they have a meaning?" she asked.

"Yea… These represent my mom, dad, and Jamie. I wanted something to remind me of them. The Be Brave & Be Brilliant, well… it's self-explanatory."

"Well I love them. I've even decided to go get me one… Something soon," she smiles at me.

I smile then look at the two outfits she laid out for me.

Outfit one looked nice but I noticed she has heels with it. Yea… No thanks.

So I grab the other outfit. It was jeans, black shirt, black jacket and scarf. I leave my hair down and wavy.

"Ready," I say as I take on last look in the mirror.

"Yep," she says grabbing her purse and iPad.

We get in the vehicle and she puts the address into the GPS.

"Oh it's just right around the corner," she says.

We get to the diner quickly. It's a really cute diner. It looks like it is pulled straight out of the 50's.

We walk to a booth and take a seat. An older lady walks up to take our order.

"I love this place," Christina says excitedly, "It's so cute."

"I know it looks like we are in the 50's right," I say.

"Yessss. I was thinking the same thing. We need one of these in Chicago…," she says and I already see the wheels turning in her head.

Our food comes out and of course it is amazing. Christina and I discuss what to do if this place is a bust on finding Four.

The lady comes back with our check.

"Excuse me," I tell her, "Could you maybe help me with something?"

I go through my phone and find a picture of Four.

"Do you know where I might can find him?" I ask.

"Umm…," she looks at me unsure whether she wants to tell me something or not," May I ask who you are?"

"Of course, I'm Tris, this is Christina. He was in the military with my fiancé. They were best friends. He was killed in the war. Four stayed with me after for a couple of months. He forgot his phone and I wanted to get it to him," I tell her, "We are from Chicago."

"I'll be right back," she says.

"Cell phone huh," Christina laughs.

"Well I didn't want to look crazy," I tell her.

The lady comes back and with her is an older gentleman.

"Ladies, this is Amar. He can probably help you with what you need," she says and walks away.

"How can I help ladies," he asks.

I show him the same picture and tell him the same story.

He looks at me and knows my story isn't the truth.

"Ok... ok… I'm not just bringing him his cell phone… We…," I didn't finish.

"Look they both care about each other very much but both are being children about it. He left and well she followed him here to finally tell him that her feelings are mutual towards him as his are towards her," Christina spits out.

I just blush a little.

"I see…," he says and smiles, "Well follow me."

He walks to the back of the diner to an office area and we follow.

"Well I wish I could tell you more but I haven't seen him. I am glad he finally found someone though. He is a great kid… Well I guess he isn't a kid anymore. Please tell me that you didn't go to his father yet," he says.

"No… That was one of our options but we haven't yet…," I tell him.

"Don't! If you care anything about Tobias, you will NOT go to Marcus. It's not my place to tell you everything, just know that they do not get along! I am willing to bet Tobias hasn't even let him know he is back in Boston," he tells us.

"Ok we won't," I tell him, "Do you know some places we might be able to find him?" I ask.

"Well…," he says then tells us a few places we could try.

My phone rings. I don't recognize the number but I answer.

"Hello," I say.

"Tris, hey, this is Lauren. I lost my cell phone so I am calling from a different number… I… Well I hate to have to do this over the phone but… I have to put in my two week's notice. I… I am moving away from Chicago," she says.

"Oh… Well I hate to hear that Lauren, you will be missed of course. I will see you in a few days," I tell her.

"Bye Tris," she says.

Christina looks at me. "Lauren put her two weeks notice in. She is moving," I tell her.

Christina nods and looks back at Amar.

"Well if he comes by here could you please give him this?" I say as I get his phone from my bag.

"Of course," he smiles at me," I do hope you find him and you two figure your 'problems'. I can tell you would be good for him."

"Thank you," I tell him and stand.  
We leave and decide to head to one of the places he suggested. It's a little hole in the wall bar. We walk in and grab a seat at the bar. We order a drink and talk for a bit. I look around the bar and behind the bar are a few pictures. I notice one immediately. It's Four. I bump Christina's arm and nod towards the picture. She sees it immediately also.

"So… What does one have to do to get their picture on the wall," Christina acts flirty with the cute bar tender to get answers. I just smile.

"Well…. Everyone on that wall is either famous now or someone who has what it takes to be famous…," he says.

"hmm… I don't recognize the baseball guy… Who's he?" she asked.

"Oh that's Four," he says, "He was an amazing baseball player. The Red Sox even wanted him after college and well he kind of disappeared. I heard he joined the military."

The Red Sox wanted him… Is that why he liked them so much? Wow… Why would he give up playing pro baseball?

We pay for our drinks and leave.

"It doesn't look like he has been there," I say.

We spend the rest of the day going all of the places Amar suggested. Everywhere was a bust.

It's getting late so we head back to the hotel.

"Don't give up Tris," Chris says trying to cheer me up, "We will find him."

"Sure Chris," I say.

After a shower and room service I finally get in bed and I'm out.

That night I dream about Four. About what he was possibly like when he was younger… Morning comes too early though.

 **January 4** **th**

"Let's go do some sightseeing this morning, and then we can go back to the diner for lunch. I want to try the famous Four burger," Christina says excitedly.

"Fine,' I agree.

I pick my own clothes today but I get Chris' approval anyways… Even though it wasn't asked for.

We toured the city for a while. We went to a few museums that Christina wanted to go to and we even went to see Fenway Park from the outside.

It's about so we decided to head over to the diner for lunch.

"Hello again," Amar greets us as we walk in.

"Hey," we both say.

He walks over to us. "What can I get you girls…? I mean ladies today," he asks.

"We both would like to try the famous Four burger, fries and a chocolate milkshake," I tell him.

He smiles and heads to the back.

He is back before we know it with our food.

"It looks amazing," Christina says.

"So… Did you have any luck?" he asks us.

"No luck," I tell him.

"Well maybe you will have better luck later," he says, "I will let you two eat your food."

Oh these burgers are amazing. No wonder they are names after Four!

As we finish I decide to go to the ladies room before leaving.

When I walk out I stop in my tracks and turn quickly.

I text Christina.

 _ **Four just walked in. He's not alone… Let's go- T**_

 _ **What- C**_

I peak around the corner.

 _ **Back booth. Can you see who he's with?- T**_

 _ **OMG! Is that Lauren?- C**_

My heart sinks a little.

 _ **Yes! Let's go!- T**_

As I quickly walk to our table trying not to be seen by them, I see Amar walk to their table.

Chris and I break for the door and I turn one last look.

I see Four stand and look in my direction. I run out of the diner and down the street. We jump in the car and drive off. As we pass the diner, Four is standing outside looking in both directions looking for us.

Christina and I ride in silence. When we get to the hotel we pack. I am ready to leave. I don't want to be here anymore. This cat and mouse game we are playing is getting old.

My phone starts vibrating and I look to see that it's Four calling for the phone he obviously got back from Amar.

After packing we walk downstairs and turn in our key cards. I give the small box I am holding to the guy at the front desk and give him instructions.

I text Four an address and we leave. I am thankful that Christina offered to drive. Our ride is silent again

We decide to stop about halfway and stay the night. We will get up in the morning and head back.

"Are you ok Tris?" Christina finally asks.

I'm actually surprised she waited this long.

"I just don't understand… First he tries to get to me so he could kiss me at midnight, then he leaves for Boston without saying goodbye. And whats worse is Lauren is with him. She also turned her 2 weeks notice in … Does that mean she is moving to Boston with him?" I ramble.

 **Four's POV**

 **December 31** **st** **\- January 3** **rd**

When Tris didn't show up at the New Year's Eve party I was sort of bummed. Lauren and I talked and I confessed to her my feelings for Tris. She actually understood. She also told me that her family has decided to move and she is going with them. When Christina told me where Tris was, I knew I had to get there fast, but when I got there… I almost wished I wasn't. She kissed some random guy.

The only time she wants me is when she is drunk. She just let me walk away.

I know that going away is what I need right now.

I text everyone letting them know.

Lauren texts me back and asks where I'm going. I tell her I'm not sure yet.

"Well, I'm going to check out Boston while I'm off. I want to see what it's like before I move there," she tells me.

"You're moving to Boston… That's where I'm from," I tell her.

"Well, why don't we both go? You could show me around… tell me what spots are good and which are not. We could have so much fun… And just as friends of course," she says.

"Why not," I tell her.

When we get to Boston I show her around. There are somethings I have missed about this city… But there are a few that I will never miss. I am hoping not to run into the mayor aka my father. Our past isn't great and I'm not ready to see him again just yet.

"Ok, I'm going to call it a night. I want to show you my favorite spot at lunch tomorrow… Is that cool?" I tell Lauren.

"Sure," she smiles at me.

"Ok. I am going to hit the hotel gym in the morning and we can go after," I tell her.

"See you at lunch time," she says and goes towards her room.

I get to my room and shower. I haven't decided when I am going back to Chicago… I don't even know if Tris will want me back there. I left without saying goodbye.

I eventually fall asleep and have one reoccurring dream. The night Jamie died. I always try to swap places with him but it doesn't matter. Half the time he goes in the first building and half the time he goes in the second building… He still is the one that gets ambushed every time.

 **January 4** **th**

I wake up sweating.

I hate having those dreams.

I hit the gym and then get ready to take Lauren to the diner.

It will be great to see Amar again. When things were tough at home he was always there for me. I even stayed with him the last part of my senior year. As soon as I turned 18 I was out of Marcus's house.

"Ready to go," I ask Lauren when she answers the door.

"Yep. Let me get my purse," she says.

It doesn't take us long to get to the diner.

"Oh my gosh, I love this… It looks so… Authentic," Lauren says as we sit at the booth in the back.

"I know. I always loved that about this place. Look here's someone I want you to meet," I tell her as I spot Amar. He sees me and walks right to us.

"Four," he says and gives me a hug.

"Hey Amar, this is Lauren-," he cuts me off.

"What about Tris?"

"What?!... How do you know about Tris?" I ask confused.

"She was here… Actually she and Christina are over there right now-,"

I'm shocked. I jump up and look around. Running out of the diner are Tris and Christina. Tris turns and looks at me. I see….hurt…in her eyes. Why? I run towards the door. I am out on the street in no time but I don't see them. I look in both directions and they are gone.

"Dammit," I scream. A few people walking past give me a funny look but I don't care.

I walk back in the diner and see Lauren and Amar talking.

"Did you catch them?" they both ask.

"No… Why are they here?" I ask him, "How did they know I was even here?"

"For you! Tri planned on telling you how she feels. I can only assume why she left. Oh here is your phone by the way. She gave it to me to give to you in case you stopped by… And she just came in on a whim. Hoping you would be here," he says.

"What!? How she feels… How did she find you?" I keep asking questions.

I grab the phone a quickly text her. She doesn't respond for a while.

We sit and talk with Amar but all my mind can think about it Tris.

As we are sitting there my phone buzzes.

"Look I hate to leave but Tris just text me an address…Wait this is the hotel we are staying at I think. I need to go Amar… Look after Lauren for me. She is moving here soon and doesn't know anyone or anything about around here," I tell him.

"I hope to see you again before you leave," Amar shakes my hand.

"Me too," I tell him and race to grab a cab.

I look up the address and I was right. This was the same hotel we were in… Did that mean they stayed here as well?

"Thanks," I say to the cab driver as I pay him and race inside.

I get to the counter and tell the guy standing there that I am looking for Tris Prior.

"Yes, hold on one moment sir," he says and walks through a door behind him.

That's weird… Why wouldn't he just call her room and tell her that I am here or something? The computer is right here.

"Here you are sir," he says then hands me a box.

"Oh umm… I think you have me mistaken," I say trying to hand the box back to him, "I'm looking for Tris Prior. She gave me this address to come to."

"Is your name Four/Tobias?" he asks.

"Yes," I gulp at the name Tobias. No one calls me that anymore.

"Then yet this is for you," he smiles and walks away.

I look at the box confused before finally opening it.

Inside is a note and what looks like a Tiffany's box.

The note reads:

 _I think these will look better on Lauren. Have a nice life in Boston!_

 _-Tris_

I open the Tiffany's box and already know what's inside. Of course it's the knot earring I left her.

"Fuck," I band my hand against the counter.

The man returns, "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave."

"I need to see Tris Prior," I tell him.

"I am afraid she has already checked out sir," he says then mumbles, "Probably for her own good."

I glare at him then walk out of the hotel.

I make my way back to the diner to talk to Amar. He always has good advice.

Lauren isn't there when I return. I walk straight to the back to find Amar.

"Four, what happened?" Amar asks as soon as he sees me at the door of his office.

"She left. She also left this," I say handing him the box, "I bought those for her."

"Four, sit," he tells me, "I am going to be honest with you. Ok!"

I nod.

"You and Tris… You are both acting like kids in this situation. Both of you are running away from your problems. Neither of you are communicating well! I can see she is good for you Four. I can just see it. I can also she has been broken before. This girl is good though. She needs someone like you Four. Someone to protect her even though she think she can protect herself," he says.

"She's sooo… imperfectly perfect! She has been broken. Do you remember Jamie… my friend from boot camp?" I ask.

"The boy you hated at first?" he asks.

"Yes… Jamie and Tris were engaged. Jamie was killed. I can't… I don't understand why it had to be him. Why couldn't it be me? He had everything going for him… I… I had an abusive father to come back to…," I confess.

"Four you can't think like that. The world works in mysterious ways. What if the reason you and Jamie became friends was for you to eventually meet Tris? What if Jamie was only your 'in' into Tris's life. I know it's not easy… it never is but the best things in like take work," he tells me.

I just nod at him. We sit at talk about my life since the military.

"Four, whatever you two decide to do, make sure it makes you happy. You deserve happiness in your life," he tells me.

"Well… I shocked myself with this thought I had yesterday… I want to know what your thoughts on it are. I think I am going to re-enlist. If I can't have Tris… There is no reason in me staying. And now that I have let it cross my mind… I think… even if we work things out… I think I would still do it. It's … it's just something I feel I need to do," I say.

I don't think you need my answers Four… You know yourself better than anyone. If this is what you need to do then do it," he tells me.

We sit and talk for a while before I go back to my hotel room. Thank goodness the same guy isn't at the desk or I might not be able to stay.

I can't get re-enlisting out of my head. It might ruin whatever chance I have with Tris… It might change everything. It's something I have to do though… I am doing it.

 **Tris POV**

 **January 7** **th**

It's been a few day s since we were in Boston. Ive have a few missed calls from Four or Tobias… Whatever his name is. I can't bring myself to answer them yet though. I don't want to hear that he is moving to Boston with Lauren just yet… I'm not ready for it.

Lauren returns to work tomorrow to work her two weeks. I can't say that it's not going to be awkward. I just… I can't… I just don't know.

"Tris, we need some more of your new Dauntless Chocolate Cupcakes. They are a hit. That was a great idea," Christina pokes her head in my office.

"Oh ok. I think there should be on batch cooling right now…," I tell her.

"Yea wheel we kind of have a big order for them already," she laughs.

"Huh? For who?" I ask surprised since this is the first day I have put them out.

"Firehouse 7," she smiles.

"AKA Will and Uriah," I say getting up from my desk.

"Exactly," she says.

I quickly get started on a few batches. They sold out so fast I might as well make a little extra.

"Chris, want to ride with me to deliver these," I ask her.

"Of course," she says.

It's only a few blocks away.

We walk in the firehouse and are welcomed with open arms as soon as everyone sees what we are carrying.

"Where are they," Chris asks Max, the fire chief.

"The kitchen of course," he smirks.

We laugh and head for the kitchen. We hear talking and laughing all the way down the hall towards the kitchen.

Christina is in front of me, so when she stops quickly and turns facing me, I am surprised.

"Whoa," I say as I almost drop the cupcakes I am holding.

"Umm… Maybe I should just bring them in," she says quickly.

"Don't be silly, just go," I try to nudge her forward.

"Tris," she gives me a look.

"Fine… I'll go first," I say and I go around her.

Why didn't I listen?

Sitting at the table with Will and Uriah is none other than Four.

I stop in my tracks but it's too late. They all have seen me… Dammit.

"Umm… Did someone order Dauntless cupcakes?" I put on a fake smile and say.

"YES!" Will and Uriah both say as they jump out of their seats. Four stays sitting.

"Well… I thought I would be nice and deliver them for you," I say handing them the cupcakes I am holding. Uriah grabs mine while Will grabs Christina and kisses her.

"Well… I think I'll go. Chris are you just going to stay here? I mean you only have about 20 minutes left before we're off anyways."

"Sure," she smiles then sits in Will lap.

"Enjoy guys," I say then I am out of there,

I wasn't expecting him to be back in Chicago. A little heads up from the guys would have been great.

I get to the bakery. Thank goodness it's almost closing time. We get everything put away and I go back in my office to finish my paperwork. Once I'm done, I know everyone is gone by now and locked up since I'm here alone.

I get a surprise though as I walk out. Four is sitting at one of the tables waiting on me.

"Holy shit," I jump, "You scared me. I thought I was the only one here."

"Justin let me in. They were about to lock up when I walked in. I didn't want to interrupt what you were doing so I waited," he says.

It gets a little awkward. We both go silent.

I finally walk to the table he is sitting at and sit down.

"Why?" I finally ask.

"It's not what you probably were thinking Tris. I'm not with Lauren. Yes, we were in Boston together… But I'm not with her," he says.

"So… Friends with benefits isn't easing my mind any Four," I say.

"Tris, stop! I have tried calling you to explain! We are not friends with benefits either," he tells me.

"But I thought-,"  
"I told her how I fell about you. I was just showing her around Boston since that's where she is moving," she says.

I feel stupid now.

"But you just left without saying bye," I say holding back my emotions, "That really hurt me."

"You did the same Tris. When you ran away from Boston," he says, "I just had to get away for a little bit."

We sit for a few more minutes in silence.

"I'm sorry," we both blurt out at once then I laugh.

"Four… I am going to admit that I do really like you. I… I'm scared," I admit.

"Scared… Why are you scared?" he asks.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person since Jamie. I'm just too stubborn to admit it. You are everything I think about, everything I need, everything I want," I say, "You are my best friend."

He sits there for a moment and just stares at me.

"Say something," I finally say.

"Tris… You mean a lot to me too-,"

"But," I say, "I know there is a but coming…"

"We just need to take things slow. Friends first," he says.

"Ok," I agree. I can't believe I am agreeing though. I finally tell him my feelings and he wants to be friends for now…

I can't complain though I guess, I want him in my life no matter what and I have figured that out these last couple of days. He is my rock.

"Well… I guess we can head home now," I say as I get up.

"Actually… I am staying with Zeke for a while," he confesses.

I am actually a little bummed. Since I have been back from Boston my house has felt so empty.

"Oh… Ok then," I say with a sadness in my voice.

"I just… I want us to be friends and not have to tip toe around each other. I also don't want things to get hot and heavy like before," he says, "Not before we are both 100% ready."

"No I get it. I do," I tell him.

He sighs and gets up.

Before I know it he has walked over to me and has his arms around me.

"I've missed you… Even though it's only been a few days," he tells me, "I don't know how I lived without you in my life before."

I sigh and melt into his embrace.

We hug for a bit and I finally lift my head, "Ive missed you too!"

He kisses my forehead which makes my heart skip a beat.

"Oh,' he says getting something from his pocket, "I believe I bought these for you. You are the only person they will look good on!"

I look and it's the Tiffany's box.

"Thank you," I smile and kiss his cheek.

"Shall we go," he says.

"Yes," I say and lock up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! I was supposed to post this last week but got busy. It is actually on half of the chapter too. I wanted to at least get something posted now in case I don't finish typing this week. I have not typed the other half yet so I will just be making this chapter a shorter one. The plan is to finish the next chapter (the other half of this chapter originally) and also to make a Pinterest board for this story. Let me know if you would like that!**

 **February 14** **th** **– Valentine's Day**

 **TPOV**

"Today has been so busy," I tell Four as I lock the front door, "Thank you again for helping me today. I don't know what I would have done since I let everyone off. I don't know what I was thinking doing that!"

"Anytime," he smiles at me, "I was just going to be hanging around the house today anyways."

Four and I have quickly become best friends again. I do have to say I still have my school girl crush on him… Well I'd say it is more than that actually. With him living with Zeke… it makes me more excited to see him.

"So… Any big plans tonight?" he asks as he pops one of the cake balls in his mouth.

"Probably go home, have a glass of wine and watch a sappy chick flick," I say.

"Whoa… What a night," he laughs, "Want some company?"

"Why not… But don't think you are going to get lucky at the end of the night," I smirk.

"I wouldn't dare," he laughs, "is my old room still available?"

"Hasn't changed since you left," I tell him.

…

"So… What movie am I going to fall asleep watching," Four asks as I put the DVD in.

"Dear John," I say and grin at him as I take my seat.

He glances at me with a half-smile.

"Really," he says.

"What?" I say back as I sit down beside him and grab the bowl of popcorn.

He smiles and just shakes his head at me. "I'm glad we can do this," I say as the previews play.

"Me too," he agrees and I nearly melt when his blue eyes look into mine.

 **FPOV**

 **February 14** **th**

"Me too," I tell her as the movie is about to start.

As we are watching the movie I catch myself watching Tris and her reactions to certain parts of this movie. I just want to wipe the tears that she silently lets stream down her cheeks.

How am I going to tell her? What will she think? Will she hate me then? Re-Enlisting is something I needed to do for myself… Will she understand that? I just got news that I will be deploying again soon as well… Maybe I should have told her that I reenlisted weeks ago… Then maybe she would have more time to deal with it. We have become closer than ever and this is the one thing I have not been able to tell her…

The movie ends and I don't know if Tris' tears now are happy or sad tears.

I reach up and wipe them away and pull her to me. She rests her head on me… I can't wait any longer. I have to at least tell her I re-enlisted… Here goes nothing.

"Tris… I…" I stutter with my words, "I have to tell you something."

She moves up where she is looking into my eyes with her tear stained ones.

"Yea," she says.

I look at her face for a minute trying to say what I want in the right words.

"You are starting to scare me…" she finally says.

"I re-enlisted," I finally blurt out not taking my eyes away from her face. I want to see what kind of reaction she makes.

At first she just looks at me like I have two heads but as quickly as she made the face she went blank, she unfolds her legs and gets up. She grabs the bowl of popcorn and the glass of wine that was half full. She turns the glass up and gulps the wine down as she walks to the kitchen.

She doesn't say anything. I see her dump the remainder of the popcorn in the garbage bag and put the bowl in the sink. She places both hands on the counter for support and looks towards the floor.

I walk to the kitchen to talk it over with her but she stops me as soon as I walk in.

"I just need a minute please Four… Just a minute," she tells me.

I decide to walk to my old room and take a shower. I want her to have all the time she needs.

I hate upsetting her… That's the last thing I want to do. I hope she will eventually understand that this is something I need to do for myself.

After I shower I throw on some basketball shorts and head back downstairs. Tris is sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket while drinking another glass of wine while crying silently again.

"Tris," I say wanting to make sure she was ready to talk.

She quickly wipes her eyes, "I'm ok Four."

I sit down beside her and wipe the still falling tears off of her cheeks.

"You don't have to hide the fact that you are crying Tris," I tell her, "Can we talk about it?"

"There isn't much to talk about Four… You reenlisted… You could be deployed," she tells me.

I can't tell her yet… I can't tell her that I truly am getting deployed in about a month's time…

"I'm sorry if I hurt you by doing this Tris, I just…It's something I had to do for myself. I decided this when I was in Boston… I talked with Amar about it," I tell her.

It's hard to try to explain something to her that I can't explain to myself. I just know deep down I need to do this.

"I… I'm just worried about you Four," she says as she leans into me.

I wrap my arms around her and we sit together in silence for what seemed like hours.

The last I saw it was around midnight.

 **February 15** **th**

 **TPOV**

I wake up with a jolt. You know the dreams where you feel like you are falling off a cliff…

I quickly realize two things…

One I am not in my bed and two I am not sleeping alone. My head is lying on Four's chest as we are both lying on the couch. We much have fallen asleep her last night. I glance up at his perfect face through my bed hair. His shallow rhythmic breathing tells me he didn't wake up when I jolted awake. I smile while looking at him like this. He looks a lot younger when he sleeps.

I hate having to move but I really need to pee. I quickly but carefully untangle my body from his and attempt to get up. As I do his strong arms pull me back to his chest holding tight. I think he is still asleep.

"Four," I whisper to see.

He says nothing.

I try getting away again but he holds even tighter.

"Tris… Don't go… I love you," he says.

I freeze. Is he awake or asleep…? Oh my God… What do I do? He just said that he loved me… Asleep or not…

I turn my head slightly causing my hair to brush across his face.

He lets go to wipe his face and I quickly roll off of the couch. He is still asleep. He turns on his aide and I run up to my bedroom and shut my door.

My mind won't stop racing… I keep playing his words over and over in my mind. _"Tris…_ _Don't go… I love you"_

Does he really love me?

Then I remember. He re-enlisted. I can't understand why he did it. Why hasn't he told me already? I am just worried about him.

I turn the bathwater on and let the water fill the tub. After I see the tub fill with hot water I start to get in. As I let myself sink down in to the tub I think of Jamie. I think about how nervous I was when he joined… I try to think about something else but I can't. Jamie's face keeps coming to mind.

I lay my head back and close my eyes. I feel my mind drifting in and out of consciousness.

 _I am back in the old hangout spot behind my house. I look around and smile at all of the good times we had in this place. We really did have fun. I walk around and clean it a little here and there. I turn to leave and there he is again. Jamie is standing there in his uniform. I drop whatever was in my hand._

" _Hey there Sunshine," he says._

" _Jamie," I whisper._

" _It's me babe," he says and walks closer to me.  
This is a dream… It has to be…_

" _How do you keep doing this?" I ask him._

" _Doing what," he asks._

" _Coming back here like this in my dreams? You seem so real… Why do you keep meeting me in here?" I ask._

" _I can't explain all of the why's to you Tris, but as far as the why here… This is where it all started for us," he tells me and smiles._

 _It's hard for me to hold back the tears._

" _I miss you so much…every day," I say taking a step closer to him. I just want to feel his touch again…Whether it be in a dream or not._

" _I know you do," he says, "It looks like you are starting to move on… I am happy that you are Tris. I want you to be happy."_

" _It's so hard Jamie. I'm not supposed to feel like this for your best friend… It feels wrong but at the same time it feels right. If anything does happen between us… He re-enlisted. I don't think I can handle that again. I'm not strong enough for that," I say looking down at my hands._

 _I feel his hand touch my chin to get me to look at him. I naturally lean into his hand and savior his touch._

" _Tris, you are one of the strongest people that I know. You are just scared and there is nothing wrong with that. It's very understandable considering what you had to go through. Tris, I'm sorry. I haven't been able to tell you that but I am," he says._

" _Sorry for what," my eyes shoot to his._

" _For leaving you... For making you have to deal with everything," he says._

" _Don't be sorry Jamie's. Four is the one that helped me through it all… I wasn't alone in all of this even though sometimes I thought I was," I tell him._

" _I now. I knew he would," he tells me, "Will you do me a favor? Will you tell him that I appreciate everything he has done? I could never thank him enough. He was there when I couldn't be."_

" _Of course," I tell him._

" _You two take care of each other Tris. Both of you deserve happiness," he says._

" _Don't go Jamie. I'm not ready for you to go," I beg him and grab his wrist._

" _That's not up to us Tris. I have to go," he tells me._

" _Ok," I finally say and hug him tight as he hugs me back._

" _I will always be in your heart Tris. I will always love you," he tells me then kisses my head._

 _I watch him walk away from me again but it's hard._

A knock on the bathroom door wakes me.

"Tris," Four's voice comes through, "Are you ok in there? You have been in there for a while."

I can hear the concern in his voice.

"Umm… Yea, I'm fine. I'll be out shortly," I say.

Wow… I have been in here for a while. The water is freezing cold now. I quickly get out and wrap my robe around me.

I walk downstairs to find Four in the kitchen making coffee. He sees me and grabs two mugs from the cabinet.

"Good morning," he says.

"Morning," I say back as he hands me my coffee.

"So. I guess we both fell asleep on the couch last night," I say finally.

"Yea… I think so," he says.

You can feel the awkwardness.

I wonder if he remembers his dream and him telling me that he loved me.

"Did you sleep well? Have any good dreams," I ask. I want to see if he has any kind of reaction.  
He glances up at me then quickly takes a sip of coffee. I think he remembers.

"I slept pretty well… Defiantly no nightmares," he laughs a little.

I smile thinking about my dream. Should I tell him about it?

"Umm… I had an interesting dream…" I say. Is interesting the right word? Probably not…

"Oh really," he says leaning against the counter.

"Jamie was there," I blurt out.

He stands there in silence and just looks at me.

"We talked about a lot," I tell him, "He did ask me to tell you something."

"How… What…," he shakes his head trying to let this information sink in, "What was the message?"

"He wanted to tell you thank you. He appreciates you being here for me when he couldn't be he said," I say.

He stands there thinking over what I just told him.

"What was it like? Having him in your dream and all," he asked, "Did it feel real?"

"Yes," I said quickly, "It was so surreal. I knew somehow that yes it was a dream but his touch felt so real. He talked with me about things going on in my life now."

"Do you think somehow that it was really him communication with you or all just imagination?" he asks me.

"Umm… I'm not positive but I want to believe that yes it was him communicating with me," I tell him.

He nods his head in understanding where I am coming from.

"You're lucky," he finally says.

"How so," I wonder.

"I would do just about anything to talk to him or my mom again. Even if it was just in a dream," he says.

His face shows sadness and all I want to do is comfort him… Should I though?

I quickly decide yes. He is my best friend. Of course I need to comfort him.

I walk around the counter and pull him into my embrace. I think I caught him off guard at first. I think being comforted is not something that he is used to.

He eventually holds me as well. My head is leaning against his bare chest again…

I inhale his scent and it gives me goosebumps.

"So what are your plans for tonight," he asks me and pulls back a little waiting for my answer.

"Umm… I don't guess I have any plans," I say back.

"How about we have a cookout or something here? If that's ok with you of course, I will help cook… We can grill if you want," he tells me.

"That sounds fun. I'll go call Christina. Why don't you let the guys know and I'll let the girls know," I tell him.

 **I really want to get more follows/favorites/ &reviews for this story. I think I what I might start doing is… When I get 10 new reviews I will post the next chapter. That might let me catch up on my typing anyways AND doing the Pinterest board! **

**I rambling now but please let me know what you think!**

 **Thanks for reading so far!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Ok," I say wiping my hands on the hand towel and placing it on the counter, "I think I am done with my part now. I am going to go change."

"Ok," Four says back as he gets the food to put on the grill.

I throw on a pair of my skinny jeans, white converse and a grey low V-neck t-shirt. I leave my hair down and wavy. I throw on a jean jacket as well seeing as I would probably be running in and out as Four grills.

It doesn't take long for everyone to start arriving.

Christina and Will are the first to arrive followed by Zeke and Shauna. Uriah and Marlene arrive just before we get ready to eat. That doesn't surprise any of us, Uriah is always late.

I made plenty of dauntless cupcakes but only Four knows. The guys would skip right to dessert if they knew.

Everyone quickly falls into conversation. The girls start talking about how their Valentine's Day was. It sounds like they all had amazing nights.

"Sorry Tris," Shauna speaks up, "We are all talking about our great Valentine's and not even taking you into consideration."

"It's ok," I speak up, "Four hung out with me."

I watch as all of the girls glance at one another.

"What did you two do?" Christina was the first to whisper.

"Just watched a movie, then we fell asleep on the couch," I tell them and slightly blush as I remember waking up on his chest.

"Really," Chris says with a little disappointed. She has been the main one rooting for us to get together.

"Yes really," I say. I glance to see if the guys are listening and they are all talking about the baseball season starting soon.

"Well I woke up on his bare chest and he said he loved me while he was dreaming," I whisper.

They all loudly say "What!?" or "Are you serious" causing the guys to stop their conversation and look at us.

"What are you girls talking about," Uriah asks.

"Nothing," we all say at the same time.

"Umm hmm….," Zeke mumbles.

"We will talk later girls," Marlene says.

All of the guys look our way and smirk.

"Oh girl talk…Ok then," Zeke says.

I look at Four who is already looking my way. I smile… I don't know what else to do.

I walk him as he gets everyone's attention.

"I have to tell you all something," he says.

I already know what he is going to say. Everyone just looks at him waiting.

"I decided to re-enlist. I actually decided back when I went to Boston," he tells them.

Everyone is silent.

Suddenly I feel a few eyes looking at me. It's mainly the girls.

"Well," Zeke speaks up, "If this is something you have thought about and decided you want to do then I'm here for you brother."

"Well, that calls for a beer," Uriah says.

The guys all get up and grab a beer. They walk to the back deck and start talking again.

The girls are all looking at me now. What do they expect me to say? It's not like I can stop him… It's already done.

I stand and grab some of the plates taking them to the sink.

I start raking the leftover food in the trash and the girls are right behind me.

"Tris…," Christina says, "Say something… Did you know about this?"

I don't think they know what to do or say. I probably wouldn't know what to say to someone like me either. There aren't really any comforting words to say to someone that lost their fiancé in the war, developed feelings for his best friend, and now he is re-enlisting.

I start washing the dishes when we hear tapping on the glass doors that lead to the deck.

"I will do that later Tris," Four says.

"What? No… This is my house, I can wash the dishes," I say back.

He shakes his head at me then says something to the guys.

He then comes inside and I can hear the guys making whip sounds. He throws them the bird.

Four grabs the towel to dry the dishes as I was them. The girls stand there in awe at first then slowly make their way to the deck.

"Four, I told you that I will do this. Seriously… Go have a good time," I say to him.

I will when you do," he smirks at me.

"Whatever," I say and roll my eyes at him.

Next thing I know I hear a loud pop and feel a sting on my butt.

"I know you did not just pop me with that towel," I say turning to him.

"You shouldn't have rolled your eyes at me," he says.

Oh it's on.

I shake the water off my hands and walk to the counter where I put the cupcakes.

Four is now concentrating on drying the dishes.

I pick up two of the cupcakes and quickly but quietly walk behind him.

I have to muster up the courage to do it… Plus try to figure out my escape plan. I can go 2 ways… Oh what does it matter…? He is going to catch me anyways.

I, quickly as I can, reach both arms around him and smash the two cupcakes in his face. I take off running towards the living room.

"Oh you are going to get it now Tris," Four says as he calmly walks towards the living room.

When I see his face I can't do anything but laugh.

"You won't be laughing long," he says inching his way towards me.

As he makes his way to one side of the couch, I make my way to the other.

"I'm going to get you Tris! You and I both know it. You might as well give up," Four says.

"No way!" I tell him.

We are circling the couch and he picks up his speed… I do as well.

Finally he starts sprinting around the couch and I am gone. I run towards the downstairs bathroom to lock myself inside.

I get there and actually get the door shut, but now in time.

He is quickly in the bathroom with mw. I was backing into the corner using the door as my shield.

"Oh Trissy…." He says grinning, "No need to try and hide."

He pulls the door which causes it to shut us both is the bathroom. He slowly corners me and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I make a pouty face.

"You started it Four," I pout.

"Yes and I am going to finish it also," he tells me as he raises his cake filled hands.

I close my eyes tight and fill his hand lightly hit my neck and smear cake everywhere. When I feel his hands fall from my neck, I open my eyes. Just as I do he starts rubbing his face against mine. I know have cake smeared all over my neck and face.

When he finally is satisfied with his work he smiles real big at me.

I can't help but smile back at him. I shake my head and look down before finally glancing back up at him.

It has now hit my just how close he is to me in this small space.

A piece of hair falls in my face and Four is quick to push it behind my ear. He lets his hand linger on my cheeks as he looks into my eyes. I feel like he is having a battle within himself… Almost like he wants to say something... but just cant.

He grazes his fingers over my cheek and I swear he is about to kiss me.

"You made dauntless cupcakes and didn't tell us," Uriah screams breaking up whatever you call this moment we were just having.

His hand drops and we walk out of the bathroom and head for the kitchen. When we walk in everyone looks at us and laughs.

"What the hell happened to you two?" Shauna asks.

"Four started it," I raise my hands up as I was innocent.

"Yea and I finished it too," he says as Zeke high fives him.

"Wait," Uriah finally says, "You mean you wasted some dauntless cupcakes to have a food fight?"

We all just laugh at him but the look on his face tells us all he was 100% serious.

"Shut up Uri," Marlene slaps his arm.

"Well dig in," I tell them, "I have to go get cleaned up.

I go upstairs and start my shower. I grab my phone and put it on the dock in my bathroom. I turned on of my playlist on and step in the shower.

It seems like I can't get all of the cake off of me. It's in my hair, caked on my neck and face. I was starting to get really frustrated and finally get it all out.

Four is going to get it for getting that all in my hair.

As I stand and let the hot water beat against my body. I start thinking about the way Four looked at me…the way he let his fingers graze my cheek like he was going to kiss me. Was he going to kiss me? Damn you Uri.

We are getting along so good right now though… We have become best friends…each other's rock. Did we want to take a chance of messing that up?

Who am I kidding? Of course I would have loved for him to kiss me.

After what seems like an hour I step out of the shower and sing along to the song playing.

You know the moment you are singing the song and you know the words but you aren't really listening to them?

Well I am now really listening to these words to this song.

(fire and ice by Olivia bray – YouTube)

 _Da da da da da da_

 _Touch, light as a feather_

 _Thought I knew better_

 _But he puts fire in my veins_

 _Quick glance, swift as a the ocean_

 _Now I am frozen_

 _He takes my breath away_

 _But I'm not supposed to love him_

 _Not supposed to think about his touch when I'm alone_

 _The love was a brand-new,_

 _now has a dark hue_

 _I'm still as a statue_

 _But he brings to live_

 _Don't care if it's right_

 _Clip my wings_

 _Take everything_

 _Don't know what's right_

 _Fire and ice_

 _Keep your blue eyes away from me_

 _I'm mesmerized_

 _Fire… And ice_

 _Longing sits behind his eyes_

 _Sits behind my eyes_

 _We're like clockwork, just in sink_

 _I wanna run and jump in his arms_

 _Let his callused fingers_

 _Run across my cheek_

 _Now I'm weak_

 _Clip my wings_

 _Take everything_

 _Don't know what's right_

 _Fire and ice_

 _Keep your blue eyes away from me_

 _I'm mesmerized_

 _Fire And ice_

 _Heart…Beats…Slowly_

 _He's draining me of energy_

 _Of everything I've known_

 _Is it possible_

 _To need something that is not right for me_

 _But he's everything I've known_

 _He's everything I've known_

 _Clip my wings_

 _Take everything_

 _Don't know what's right_

 _Fire and ice_

 _Keep your blue eyes away from me_

 _I'm mesmerized_

 _Fire and ice_

 _Melting right at his feet_

 _Let him into my life_

 _Feel so right_

 _Walls are crumbling at his feet_

 _While he stares to my eyes_

 _We're mesmerized_

 _We're fire and ice_

 _Touch, light as a feather_

 _Thought I knew better_

 _But he puts fire in my veins_

Wow… That's all I can think as I throw on some of Jamie's old baseball sweats. He gave them to me in high school. They are some of my favorite things to wear while I'm doing nothing around the house.

I walk downstairs to a clean, empty house. I guess everyone decided to go home.

I wonder if Four stayed…

I walk to his, well his former, bedroom to find the door closed.

I knock and hear nothing so I open the door. No one is in there but the bathroom door is shut as well. I walk over and open it.

Four is standing there butt naked. He had just stepped out of the shower. We both freeze.

I try to stay focused on his eyes because my body won't move but I catch my eyes wondering.

Finally he just smirks and says, "Like what you see?"

He grabs the towel that is sitting on the counter and wraps it around his waist.

My mouth is a bit dry and I know why as Four walks by and pushes my chin up to close my mouth literally.

My cheeks instantly turn pink.

"It's ok," he whispers in my ear, "I have that effect on women it seems."

It sends chills down my spine. He then laughs as I call him an ass.

"So are you staying here tonight?" I ask.

"I was hoping that would be ok," he say sliding his boxer briefs under the towel then lets it fall before throwing on sweats as well.

"Thanks for finishing cleaning," I tell him.

"Wasn't me. They sent me to get cleaned up too," he says.

"Oh," I say.

He grabs a shirt and puts in on as well.

"I guess I'm going to head to bed then," I tell him.

"Don't have wet dreams about me now that you saw my goods," Four states as I walk out of the room.

"Shut up Four," I say, "I wasn't that impressed," I lie.

I knew he was large… but I didn't realize just how large.

"Yea… Ok sweetie," he says in a playful tone.

"Plus you are fat," I laugh. He is obviously not fat at all.

"What!?" I hear him yell as I walk through my bedroom door.

 **FOUR POV**

Did she just call me fat? I am not fat…

I'll show her far. I will walk around tomorrow without a shirt on.

I get in bed and can't help but think of our little cupcake fight. That is the most playful we have been in a while. I also noticed she was wearing what I can only assume as Jamie's old baseball sweats.

I toss and turn most of the night. After finally managing to fall asleep, I wake up pouring sweat. That dream was so real.

 _We have been out on a mission for two weeks. We are all exhausted and ready to get a little bit of sleep._

" _That was a tough one," I hear his voice and my eyes shoot up._

 _He is here and he is talking to me._

 _I try to recover._

" _Yea," is all I can say._

" _So… How are things, buddy?" he asks._

" _They are," I was going to say they were good but I had a feeling he already knows that answer, "Things are tough and complicated."_

" _I see…," he says, "Want to talk about it?"_

 _I look up at him, "I don't know what to say man. I don't know what the right thing to do is."_

" _Do what makes you happy. Do what makes the two of you happy. That's all I ask. I just want you two happy," he says._

" _I never meant to fall in love with her man," I tell Jamie._

" _It's ok," he says, "If I had to pick one person that I want to be there for Tris, it would be you. I know you can protect her. You will be there for her when no one will. She needs you."_

" _How am I going to tell her I am deploying again?" I ask him._

" _It's not going to matter how you do it. She is going to be upset either way. She isn't going to understand. If I'm being honest, which I am, she will probably need some time alone to process it," he tells me._

" _I miss you man," I tell him after we sit there in silence._

" _I know," he replies, "I want to thank you for being there for Tris like you have."_

" _You don't have to thank me Jamie," I say, "I know if the roles were reversed you would do the same."_

" _Well, it's about that time now," Jamie stands up._

" _Time for what?" I ask confused… I'm not ready to end our conversation._

" _Time for me to go," he says._

" _NO!" I tell him, "Jamie…I wish it would have been me and not you."_

" _I know but it wasn't meant to be that way. Take care of our girl," he says stepping out of the tent._

 _Just after he steps out I hear a loud explosion._

 _-end of dream-_

I am still a bit shaken up from the dream. There is no way I could go back to sleep. I look at my phone for the time and its 3:45 a.m.

I get out of bed and walk downstairs. I need some water. Actually I need some alcohol but I'm not going there.

I'm a bit startled when I see Tris curled on the couch reading a book.

"Umm… Good morning," I say and see her jump.

"Shit," she mumbles, "You scared me."

"What are you doing up at this time… and reading?" I question her.

"Couldn't sleep," she says, "And you?"

"Weird dream," I say. I don't know if I want to tell her about seeing Jamie in my dream.

She just nods and I can see her glance at my bare chest before going back to reading her book.

I walk to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"So… What are you reading?" I sit down beside her and ask.

"Umm…" her face turns a little pink, "Just a trilogy one of the girls at the bakery were talking about."

"What is it called," I ask intrigued at what made her blush.

"Umm…" she hesitates, "Have you heard of Fifty Shades of Grey?"

"You mean the porn book?" I laugh.

"It's not a porn book," she gets defensive, "It has a story line and some… adult parts."

"I was wondering if you were going to say romantic… I was going to have to correct you. And by the way some porns have storylines and adult parts too," I laugh.

She kicks at me from under the cover.

"Shut up Four," she says.

We sit in silence as she reads her book and I flip through a magazine that was sitting on the coffee table.

 **TRIS POV**

It is really hard to concentrate on reading this book with him sitting there without a shirt on. This Grey guy seems very… intense.

In a way he reminds me of Four. They both seem to have troubled pasts and are very secretive.

I glance at Four a couple of times and giggle.

He looks up from the Cosmo magazine that he was very into.

"Reading anything interesting?" I ask.

"Very interesting," he grins…his smile is so gorgeous.

"I bet," I say marking my spot in my book, "Want some breakfast?"

"Sure," he says standing up," I'll help what are we making?"

"What do you feel like?" I ask him.

"Pancakes," he says after thinking it over for about 2.5 seconds.

"Ok," I say, "Pancakes sound good. Anything you want with them?"

"How about you make the pancakes because I always burn them when I try to make them? I will make eggs and bacon to go with it. Sound good?" he asks.

"Sounds good to me,"  
I tell him as I get the ingredients down for the pancakes.

We actually both move around the kitchen with ease.

"I think we made too much," I tell him as we put the food on the table.

"Nahhh…," he says.

"Speak for yourself fatty," I can't resist saying.

"I'll show you fatty," he pokes at my stomach making me giggle.

"Tobias Eaton… Did you just insinuate that I was fat?" I joke knowing he would never really mean it.

"Never," he smiles.

I just give him a look then ask, "What would you like to drink?"

"Do you have any orange juice," he asks as he gets two plates down along with two cups.

"I think so," I tell him.

"So I am going back to Boston in about a week. There are a few things that I need to take care of and I plan on visiting Amar again. Would you be interested in going with me," he asks.

"Umm…," I say as he caught me a little off guard.

"You don't have too…,"he quickly says, "I just know your last visit didn't end too well."

"I'd have to make sure Christina and Marlene could take care of the bakery for me," I tell him.

"Just let me know," he says as he takes a bite of his pancakes.

"Ok," I tell him and we eat in silence for a bit.

"How long will you be in Boston?" I ask.

"I was thinking 3-5 days," he says, "That would give me some time to show you around a little bit if you go."

I know we have gotten close but I am a little surprised he asked me if I wanted to go.

I did want to go back one day. Why not go back with someone that can show me around.

My Sunday went by quick. I spent most of the day either cleaning around the house or reading.

Four left shortly after breakfast. He said he was going to call Amar and let him know we might be coming for a visit. He also said he had to get all of the details sorted out.

I started going through some of Jamie's stuff. I made a pile of stuff to donate… I only have about 2 things in that pile. I also made a pile of things for Four and the guys to go through. I figured that they might like some of the stuff.

 **February 23** **rd**

 **FPOV**

We hit the road about 2 hours ago. So far it's been pretty interesting. We have joked around and fought over who gets to control the music…She won.

"I'm glad you decided to go with me. This would have been a long boring ride," I tell her.

"It's no problem. I really liked Amar. I can actually say goodbye this time instead of running out," she jokes.

"Well… That was mostly my fault," I tell her.

We ride in silence for a bit then Tris surprises me.

She starts singing along to the song that's playing.

She is starring out of the window singing along and doesn't realize I'm listening. She has an amazing voice… Wow… I don't interrupt her. I just listen.

When the song ends I turn the volume down.

"Tris your voice is amazing," I tell her.

"What? No it isn't," she blushes, "Why were you listening to me sing?"

"It was hard not to…," I admit.

"Im not that good," she says turning the music back up.

She just hums along with the music for a while.

…..

We make it to a hotel about half way. They only have one room left, of course, and it only has one bed.

"I'll take the couch," I tell her. Damn this is going to be a rough night especially after that long drive.

"Don't be ridiculous," Tris says, "We can share the bed. I promise not to bite."

I laugh at her little comment. "Well would you rather shower tonight or tomorrow morning?" I ask her because I don't mind either way.

"Umm… I'll shower tonight," she says as she grabs her bag and walks into the bathroom.

I strip off my shirt, socks and shoes then pull the cover back and hop in bed.

I am about to doze off when I hear the bathroom door open. I still have my eyes closed but I can tell Tris is trying to be quiet as she puts her things away and climbs in bed.

I peak and she had her back towards me. She brushes her foot against me but quickly jerks it back as she gets comfortable. I can't help but smile.

 **Tris POV**

 **February 24** **th**

I wake up extremely hot. Why do I feel so hot?! I freeze when I feel arms around me and some ones rhythmic breaths on my neck.

I peak over my shoulder and see Four sleeping so peacefully.

I try to slide out of his hold to grab my phone and check the time but he pulls me closer.

I roll my eyes and giggle.

"Four," I loudly whisper…Nothing.

"Four," I say a little louder this time.

I manage to squirm my way around so that I am facing him now. Wow. It doesn't matter what this man is doing… He is still gorgeous.

I can't help myself when my fingers gently glide down his cheek. It must tickle him because he brushes his cheek. I hold in my giggle and do it again. He brushes his cheek and makes some kind of noise. I wait a few seconds before I do it again. It's me that gets the surprise this time.

Four quickly grabs my wrist and opens his eyes.

I laugh and try to get away but before I can do anything he has me pinned down on the bed tickling me.

"OH MY GOD…Four…STOP," I get out finally.

"What was that…? I didn't quite understand you," he jokes.

I try to give him a look but he keeps tickling me and I can't keep a straight face.

"I…am…going to…pee if you don't…STOP," I say.

He finally stops and gets off me. I run to the bathroom before I pee my pants.

When I come out of the bathroom I glare at Four and he just laughs at me.

I walk over and hit him in the chest…his very naked chest.

"That wasn't fair," I fake pout.

"Well you started it by messing with me while I was sleeping," he tells me.

"Well you had me in a death grip where I couldn't even reach my phone and you wouldn't wake up when I said you name," I say back.

He just shrugs like he is innocent.

I roll my eyes, "You better hurry and shower so we can get going."

…..

We arrive in Boston at around 4p.m. We both are starving by now because out breakfast is gone.

"Want to go straight to Amar's Diner to eat?" Four asks.

"YES!" I say a little over dramatic.

Four laughs and we make our way to Amar's Diner.

"Four, Tris… I'm so glad you are both back… and actually speaking this time," Amar jokes.

"Thanks for having us," Four tells him, "We are starving right now."

"What can I get for you?" he asks us.

Four looks my way.

"I want…the chicken strip basket with fries and a chocolate shake," I tell him.

"I'll have the same," Four says. Amar walks to the back to get our order started.

"Did I tell you Amar offered for us to stay at his place? He has two extra rooms," Four says.

"You didn't but that is so nice of him. That would save us both some money," I tell him.

"I wasn't expecting you to pay for the hotel Tris…I asked you to come…It would have been on me," he says.

Our food and shakes arrive before I can say anything.

Amar lets us eat before coming back to talk with us.

"How was it?" he asks.

"Great," I say taking another sip of my shake.

We talk with Amar for a while before he hands Four the key to his place.

"Ready to get going?" Four asks.

"Sure," I reply.

Amar's is just a short drive from the diner.

"Wow…Amar's place is really nice," I say as we walk in.

"Let me show you to your room," Four says as he leads us down a hallway.

"Here's where you'll stay and I'm just through the bathroom. It connects our rooms," he says taking his things to his room.

I walk in my new home for the next couple of days.

My room is so nice. It looks like it was ripped out of a magazine. It has lots of light gray and white. I put my things down and venture to the Jack and Jill bathroom. It is great also!

Four walks in the bathroom as I am looking around, "Amar has done a lot of remodeling since I've been here."

"He has great taste," I say.

"Well I am going to unpack," he tells me, "Are you wanting to do anything tonight or just start tomorrow?"

"Hmm…," I think about it, "How about we hit a club up? It's been a while…"

"Yeah…Last time wasn't great," he says.

I cringe a little thinking about it.

"Let's just make this time better, ok," I state.

"What kind of club are you thinking?" he asks.

"One I can dance in… and be ready Four! You're going to dance with me this time," I smile at him then go unpack and change.

I put on one of the outfits Christina insisted I bring. It's my black pants with a blush crop top. I have my black leather jacket to go over it until we get to the club. I pair it with some black heels. I grab a cuff to add to the mix. I let my hair fall wavy. Now Christina would be proud of me if she saw me plus my make up! I think I'll send her a mirror selfie.

 **Chris- OMG! Look at you girl and your makeup! *tear* I'm so proud. Where are you going looking so hot?**

 **Tris- LOL! I knew you would be. About to go to the club and dance!**

 **Chris- Good luck! DON'T LEAVE FOUR'S SIDE!**

 **Tris- Yes Mother!**

I grab a blush color clutch and walk through the bathroom to Four's.

"I'm ready are you?" I ask.

He's wearing dark jeans and a charcoal gray tee with a front pocket…Simple but really hot at the same time.

"I'm ready," he says looking up.

I can tell by the look on his face he is a little taken back by me. I just smile then follow him out.

We decide to go to Club Royale. It is packed when we arrive and there is a line around the block. I groan knowing I've wasted my time getting ready.

I'm surprised when Four walks us to the front of the line and says something to the guys at the door. We get to walk right in.

"How did you get us in?" I ask.

"I just had to drop a few names," he says then smiles at me, "Want to get a drink first or dance?"

"Let's get a little liquid courage first then hit the dance floor. I don't know if I will be able to get you out there if we don't," I tell him.

"You're probably right," he agrees.

After getting drinks, we get on the dance floor just as 'Run the World' comes on. Marlene and I have a dance to this song… Along with many more! I smile at Four and hand him my clutch. He smirks but takes it and watches.

 **(A.N.- You can watch the dance on YouTube under—Run the World – JoJo Gomez)**

When the song ends I smile at Four who hasn't taken his eyes off of me the entire time.

"Your turn to dance with me now," I tell him.

"I don't dance… Especially not like that!" he tells me.

"You dance now," I say as I grab his hand and pull him to the dance floor.

It took a little bit but I finally got him to attempt to dance.

 **(A.N.- just a few songs that are played—Selena Gomez- Slow Down — Zedd-I want you to know ft Selena Gomez- Cheat Codes & Dante Klein- Let me hold you(Turn me on)..)**

The music starts up and he has his front to my back. We are dancing rhythmically, swaying back and forth. I raise my hands so they are on his neck. I feel his breath on my neck as we dance. His hands are on my waist not letting go.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't love how close we are. I wonder how he is feeling.

Just as that thought crosses my mind I feel his lips against my neck. It feels like electricity running through me. I turn around where I am facing him.

"I'm sorr-,"I cut him off by bringing my lips to his. Soon his lips part and he brings his hands to the side of my face and neck. I don't know how long we stand here kissing but I don't care.

Finally I break away and look up at him as I bite my swelling lip.

He looks down at me and smiles then shakes his head a little.

He leans down and kisses my forehead before grabbing my hand and leads me out.

He holds my hand he whole way to Amar's and I don't complain at all.

When we get there Four says he is going to take a shower.

I walk in my room and grab some clothes for bed. I also grab my makeup bag and get my makeup remover out. I walk to the bathroom, "You in the shower yet?"

"Yea… Need something," Four asks.

"I'm just going to get this make up off and I need the mirror," I say walking in.

As I am finishing getting the makeup off of my face, Four asks if I can grab him a towel.

I hand the towel to his waiting hand then pack my makeup stuff in my bag off the sink.

Four steps out of the shower with the towel wrapped around his waist. I glance up and see him in the mirror. Man he is so freaking gorgeous. He catches me starring and walks up to me. I turn around to face him.

"Like what you see?" he asks as he grabs my waist and pulls me close to him.

I glance up at him through my lashes and bit my lip. He brings his lips to mine and I melt into him. I don't want it to stop.

Four breaks away first. He looks down at me then kisses the top of my head. I smile at him and blush a little.

"Good night Tris," he says before walking to his room.

It takes me a minute to recover.

After getting out of the shower I walk to my room. I see that Christina has text me.

 **Christina- Hey girl! How's Boston this time? How was the club? Just wanted to check on you!**

 **Tris- Great! AND…UMM… We kissed…. TWICE!**

 **Christina- What!? About time!**

 **Tris- We will talk more about it when I get back ok! Goodnight!**

As I am lying in bed I can't seem to keep my eyes closed or get comfortable. I wait about 5 more minutes trying to go to sleep and it doesn't work…

I make a quick decision and do it before I change my mind.

I make my way through the bathroom to Four's room. I can't tell if he is awake or asleep.

I crawl in his bed and feel his warm body. Oh my, he is only in tight boxer briefs. He jerks awake, "Tris?"

"I couldn't sleep… Mind if I sleep in here? I totally understand if you don't want me too," I say.

"Come here," he says pulling me to him and snuggling with me. I have my back to his front and he kisses my shoulder. "Good night Tris. Sweet dreams," he tells me.

"Good night Four," I say back and it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.

 **Hey guys! I hope you don't hate me! I know it has been SOOOOO LONG! I'm sorry! I hope you liked this chapter! Also I read over the whole story to get back into writing it and saw SOOO many little mistakes in grammar and wrong words in spots… **Goes and hides under cover** Yikes! I just get in a hurry sometimes to post a chapter for you that I just glance over the chapter sometimes! Anywho… I am starting the next chapter as soon as I quit typing this so I better get to it. I am also working on a Pinterest page! I will probably post about it next chapter… Maybe I will have it caught up by then!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Don't forget to FAVORITE*REVIEW*FOLLOW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**March 1** **st**

 **TPOV**

"Tell me everything," Christina barges into my office.

I glance up from the pile of order forms that need to be done this week.

"What would you like to know," I ask holding back from laughing because I know exactly what she is referring to.

"Tris… Don't play dumb right now," she says sitting down.

"Boston was great. Four showed me around. I went INSIDE Fenway instead of just seeing the outside. It was awesome. We stayed at Amar's. The club was great too. Oh I saw Lauren. We went to the spa one day and got pampered… Four and Amar were doing something so we just went to the spa," I finish.

Christina looks up from her nails, "Oh are you finished blabbing about things that you can tell me later? I want the good stuff… Details woman," she says.

I laugh knowing exactly what I did and that it would annoy her.

"Ok… We kissed a few times and held hands… And…"

"And what!?" she says excitedly.

"We slept in the same bed. I mean nothing happened but snuggling and a few kisses… but you know that is a big deal for me," I tell her.

"Awe… I love it! My Tris is falling in love," she squeals.

"Umm… I don't remember saying those words…I am afraid though. What if it's different for him?" I try to recall.

"You didn't have to. I see the way you look at him. How your face lights up when his name is mentioned. Even if you don't see it yourself right now… You've got it bad girl. I am so happy for you though! You just have to stop being afraid of what could go wrong and think of what could go right," she says then gets up to start the day.

I sit at my desk thinking about everything she has just said. Do I love Four? Am I falling for him? Am I ready to love again this soon? Does he even feel the same?

I am brought back to reality when the timer goes off letting me know the batch of muffins is ready.

My day goes by pretty quick and its lunch time.

"Any idea what you are wanting for lunch," Christina asks me.

"I actually have no clue but I am starving," I tell her.

"How about I just order a couple pizza's from Sal's," she suggests.

"Did someone say pizza?" Four asks as he walks in with four pizzas.

"You are officially my favorite person," I say walking over to help him bring the pizzas to the back.

He smiles at me as I kiss him on the cheek and grab two pizzas.

I look over and you can't wipe the smile from Christina's face. She mouths you two are so cute.

"Thanks for bringing us lunch," I tell Four as we grab slices, "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to… plus," his voice goes to a whisper, "I wanted to see you. I missed waking up beside you."

I blush and geez does that make my heart soar.

He gives me his 'I know you feel the same way' grin.

"Me too," I confess.

"Can I come over tonight?" he asks.

"Hmm, I'll have to think about it," I joke and act like I'm pondering the idea.

"I mean if it's that big of a decision….-," he states

"I'm kidding. I would love for you to come over," I say.

After we finish eating I tell Four to come in the office so I can give him some money for pizza. I grab my purse from the cabinet and turn to give Four the money and run right into his chest. I look up at him with a 'really' look on my face but her only smiles.

He leans down and whispers, "I didn't want the money! I just wanted to give you this." He slowly tilts his head and kisses me. I kiss him back. It's a sweet but amazing kiss.

"I'll see you tonight," he tells me as he backs away.

"Ok. See you tonight," I say back.

He officially knows how to brighten my already fairly bright day.

You can't wipe the smile off of my face for the rest of the day.

 **FPOV**

I swear just saw Tris a couple of hours ago at the bakery but I am ready to see her again.

As I lay on my bed at Zeke's house I can't help but think how things are moving forward for us. I don't want us to move too fast though…I don't even know what this is. Maybe we should talk about it tonight. When is going to be the best time to tell her I am leaving though? How am I going to tell her?

I glance at the clock and time is going by so slow. I am ready to be with her again.

…..

"I brought some food," I say as I walk in the door.

"You keep bringing me food and I'll get fat," she tells me then smiles.

Her smile… Man….

We sit down to eat and we are both silent at first.

"Four," Tris finally speaks up, "Umm… I've been thinking about… us today. And talking with Christina… I just… What are we doing? What is this between us?"

"I was thinking about that today as well. I was trying to figure out the same thing. What do you want us/this to be?" I ask her.

"I don't want to play games. I like you Four… like really like you. I can't be friends with benefits with you. If we are going to do this… We both have to be in it for real," she confesses as she plays with her napkin then finally letting her eyes meet mine.

"I like you too Tris," I tell her, "I don't want to mess this up."

"Me either. I think we should take things slow for now. Ok," she tells me.

"I couldn't agree more," I tell her as I reach for her hand.

She smiles back at me and at this very moment there is nothing else I want to think about.

"So… I guess its official… We are together now…dating…," she says.

"That's what I want… I hope you want the same," I tell her.

She gets up from her seat and walks over to me then sits on my lap.

"It is… Of course that is what I want," she tells me then kisses me.

I can't get enough of her kisses. They never seem long enough.

"So… are you staying tonight?" she asks me.

"If you want me to," I tell her.

"Ok, well I'm going to take a shower. I'll get all of this cleaned up when I get out," she says.

"Ive got to run to Zeke's and grab some clothes. I should be back by the time you are out of the shower," I say.

"Ok," she says and I kiss her forehead before she heads upstairs.

I, of course, get all of the food cleaned up before I leave.

 **March 13** **th**

 **TPOV**

Ever since I told Christina about Four and I officially dating she hasn't quit asking if we have done more.

"Chris… I promise you will be the first person I tell when and if it happens. We are taking things slow though," I try to convince her through the phone.

"I better know first," she says.

"Do you still want to go to Belle Vie this week?" I ask her.

"Yes!" she gets excited.

"I can't believe you and Will are getting married," I tell her almost tearing up.

I am so happy for Christina. She and Will are going to be so happy together.

"I know," she squeals.

"Ok, so I will see you tomorrow probably then. I am tired and going to bed," I finally tell her after talking weddings for an hour.

"Ok. See you tomorrow," she says.

Four didn't come over tonight. He promised Zeke he would help him move some things out of his house.

I guess I can read on the Fifty Shades trilogy…Just me, my wine and Mr. Grey.

I hear my phone beep and I glance at the clock. It's 8:30.

 _Four- Are you still up beautiful?_

 _Tris- Yes. Just catching up on my reading…_

 _Four- Are you home along reading the porn books? (;_

I instantly giggle and blush then roll my eyes.

 _Tris- I so just rolled my eyes at you._

 _Four- You remember what happened last time you did that right?_

 _Tris- I'm not scared._

 _Four- Should I get out of the bed and come remind you? (;_

 _Tris- Are you trying to use that as an excuse to come see me?_

 _Four- Well… I would love to come see you, but Zeke, Uriah and I are supposed to be meeting some guys in the morning for a basketball game. Plus I am beat!_

 _Tris- Oh fun._

 _Four- I think someone wanted me to use that as an excuse to come over…_

 _Tris- Maybe a little_

 _Four- I was thinking you could come over here around lunch and we could go get something to eat._

 _Tris- That sounds good._

 _Four- Great. Goodnight Tris._

 _Tris- Good night Four_

It doesn't take very long before I am yawning. I mark my spot in my book and get in bed.

 **March 14** **(Date from beginning of the story)**

 **FPOV**

"I can't believe they thought they could actually beat us," Uriah won't shut up about our game.

"Four are you going to play with us next week?" Zeke asks.

Damn… What am I going to tell them? I won't be here next weekend… I really wanted to tell Tris first.

"Umm…" I try to think of an excuse but fail, "Ok you can't say a word right now to anyone! Not Shauna or Marlene…"

Zeke and Uri look at each other then agree.

"I haven't told Tris yet. I'm leaving in 7 days…" I finally say.

"Leaving to where? How long are you doing to be gone… a week?" Zeke asks.

"I'm getting deployed," I tell them.

Both of their faces go blank. With their reactions being like this, I don't want to think about Tris'. I have to tell her today.

"Ok, say something," I finally say.

"You mean to tell me you are leaving in 7 days on a deployment and you haven't told Tris yet? Aren't you two dating now?" Uriah asks.

"I'm telling her today," I tell him.

"I can't believe you haven't told her yet," Uriah yells at me, "How could you be so selfish? Do you not realize what she has been through already? How do you think she is going to take this news?"

He doesn't give me any time to answer. He jumps out of the vehicle and goes inside

I look over at Zeke.

"Don't worry about him. He is pretty protective over Tris and Jamie was his best friend," he says.

"I understand. I probably should have already told her but everything with us is new and it was hard," I tell him.

"No judgement here from me," Zeke says.

"I better go shower. Tris will be here soon… Wish me luck," I say.

"Good luck man," he tells me.

…

I'm starting to get a little nervous as I finish getting ready. I'm nervous about how she is going to react. As I button my shirt up I hear my phone go off and I already know its Tris.

 _Tris- I'm here._

I take a deep breath because I now this isn't going to go great after I tell her…She will, probably, be upset with me but I know we will get through it.

"Hey there beautiful," I say and give her a hug.

"Hey there yourself," she says.

"Ready to go?" I ask her.

"Yep," she replies.

We get to the restaurant in no time. There is a silence between us but I can't figure out if it is a comfortable silence or an awkward one… I think on her end it's probably more comfortable and with me it's awkward. I'm trying to hide how nervous I am.

"So," she speaks up first, "Did you have fun with Zeke yesterday?"

"Ha. He is very bossy," I think back at how Zeke was trying to boss me and Uri around.

"That he can be… Well to everyone besides Shauna. She definitely wears the pants in that relationship," Tris says then laughs.

I love to hear her laugh.

"What about you? How was your porn books?" I try to make a joke and try not to laugh.

She rolls her eyes at me.

"So now I owe you for two eye rolls…," I tell her.

"Hmm… And just what exactly do you have in mind," she flirts.

I am so nervous about telling her that Im leaving that I can't figure out how to take her comment. Was she flirting? Was she insinuating she wanted things to go further?

I just look at her and give her a smile.

Our conversation comes easy throughout lunch. We go from talking about the bakery to the idea of opening a diner like Amar's here in Chicago. Then it's on to Christina's wedding…The wedding she doesn't know that I won't be at.

"Are we going back to Zeke's," she asks me as we leave the restaurant.

"Yes. I think everyone is going over there if you want to hang out tonight," I tell her.

"Ok," she says.

She sings along with the music all the way to Zeke's. That's another thing I am going to miss… Listening to her sing when she doesn't know I'm listening.

I keep playing different scenarios in my head of how to tell her. I haven't made up my mind by the time we get there. Thank goodness Christina and Will are here though. That will give me a little more time to figure things out.

As we walk through the doors I see Uriah. He is giving me a 'if you don't tell her now I am' look. Zeke sees as well and bumps his shoulder.

"So… Who wants to go watch the game in my new man cave?" Zeke asks.

"Yea…right. It would be a woman cave before it was ever a man cave," Shauna says walking past Zeke causing everyone to laugh.

"Woman! Can't you let me have something for one second," Zeke whines.

Everyone starts following them to the new room… We don't know what we should call it.

"Umm Tris," I say stopping her, "Can I talk to you for a minute before we go with them?"

I see Uriah look back and nod his head before leaving the room.

"Uhh sure… Is everything alright?" she asks looking at me.

"Well," I say taking her hand in mine, "I have to tell you something and it's going to be really hard for me to say this because I don't know how your reaction will be."

"Four… You are starting to scare me," she tells me with worry in her eyes.

"Tris," I pause for a minute, "I am leaving in a week."

"What do you mean leaving? Where to? When will you be coming back?" she asks confused.

"I'm being deployed Tris. I have to leave out in a week and I'll be gone for about 6 months," I tell her.

It hit her like a ton of bricks. I can see it in her eyes. Her hand drops from mine and the look on her face goes from shock to sadness then to being angry I think.

"I…I…," is all she could say.

"Talk to me Tris," I say moving closer to embrace her.

"How long have you known," she finally asks.

"I've known for about a month or so," I confess.

"A MONTH!" she yells as she jerks out of my embrace, "You have known for a month and haven't said anything to me. You started… This…Us… When you've known!"

"Tris, Im sorry. I didn't think it would make a difference if WE started this… I don't want anything to change," I tell her.

"Sorry… No… You don't get to be sorry. Do you not realize that LESS than ONE YEAR AGO I sent my fiancé off on his deployment and he never came back," she says as tears start streaming down her face.

She's right. I should have told her before we started dating. I am so selfish.

"I didn't know how to tell you Tris," I tell her.

I can see the pain in her eyes and hear the hurt in her voice.

"I can't… I won't send someone I care about off again," she sobs.

"What are you saying?" I ask now confused… Is she ending this?

"I think we both know what I'm saying Four! Goodbye," she tells me.

"But I love you Tris," I burst out before even thinking about what I was saying.

She looks at me with so much anger now.

"Don't! Don't you dare tell me that right now Four. I can't believe you! We have only been dating a few weeks… And," she paused then says coldly, "Well I don't love you."

Then she walks out.

 **Ok guys… I cut this chapter short because I felt like this was a good stopping point… Good news is though… I have a good bit of the next chapter done. How was it? Don't hate me! (: I will try my best to finish the rest of the next chapter ASAP! Maybe by this weekend… No promises though! I am going to work on it this afternoon and hopefully most of tomorrow morning! Oh and I still haven't caught up the pinterest board yet but I promise I am working on it. I wish I would have started it from the beginning to I wouldn't have to play catch up!**

 **Let me know what you think by reviewing!**

 **Also follow and like!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! I hope you like the chapter. This chapter catches up with very beginning of the story.**

*End of last chapter*

" _But I love you Tris," I burst out before even thinking about what I was saying._

 _She looks at me with so much anger now._

" _Don't! Don't you dare tell me that right now Four. I can't believe you! We have only been dating a few weeks… And," she paused then says coldly, "Well I don't love you."_

 _Then she walks out._

 **TPOV**

(Beginning of the story)

" _STOP, JUST STOP," he says grabbing my elbow as I try walking away, "I know you feel this too. I'm not the only one with these feelings and we both know it. Don't hold back your feelings anymore… Please!"_

" _I…I…" I turn my head away from him, "I can't do this. I'm sorry." I feel his hand drop from my elbow in defeat. I look back at him… at the man who opened his heart to me and that has helped me get through one of the most difficult things that has ever happened to me… and know in a way he is right. I do feel the same way as him. I can't though. I don't think my heart can take it if…_

 _He lifts his eyes to find mine starring back at him. I can see the sadness in his eyes as I start backing away from him. I can't take looking into those eyes any longer. I turn quickly and walk toward the door. I get there quick and as I turn the knob I hear, "Tris… Please don't leave."_

 _Don't look back. Don't look back…_

 _I don't listen to the voice in my head and look back. He is watching me, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. As I take a step out of the door, I watch his head fall._

As I walk through the yard to my car I am at a loss. I am numb. I get in my car and just drove. I drive through the city and still feel numb.

How could he not tell me yet? We were finally both in a good place. What just happened!?

I don't know how long I have been driving for. I know I have heard my phone go off multiple times though.

I pull into the parking lot of my old school and grab my phone from the passenger seat. I have multiple missed calls and texts from Chris, Four, Uriah, Marlene, and Shauna.

 _ **Christina- Answer my call please… Four just told us.**_

 _ **Four- Tris… I'm so sorry. Please answer the phone.**_

 _ **Christina- Where are you? I am worried.**_

 _ **Christina-Did you go home? I'm going to your house.**_

 _ **Christina- I let myself in since you aren't home. I'll be here when you get here.**_

 _ **Uriah- Call one of us Tris… Please**_

 _ **Marlene- Are you ok?**_

 _ **Shauna- Chris, Uriah & Four are freaking out since you aren't answering. They are about to start a search party.**_

 _ **Uriah- Tris if you don't answer I am about to come look for you.**_

 _ **Uriah- I mean it.**_

 _ **Four- Tris even if you don't want to talk to me please text or call your friends. They… I mean WE are worried about you.**_

My old high school isn't far from my house. I see Christina's car in my driveway.

"No she isn't here… I know calm down Uri… She probably just needed a little time for herself…," I hear as I walk through the door.

She hears me put my keys down and turns quickly.

"Uri, tell everyone she's home," Chris tells him, "Yes. I will tell her. Ok Uri!" she throws her phone on the couch then looks back up to me.

"Are you ok?" she asks.

Whatever numbness I felt earlier is now gone. I'm flooded with emotion and can't seem to get any words out.

"Oh Tris," she says walking over to me and giving me a hug.

"Not again…," I finally mumble out, "I don't think I can handle another deployment… I'm not strong enough!"

"First of all…" she pulls away and looks me right in my eyes, "You are one of the STRONGEST people I now. Don't ever doubt yourself. You do what you need to do though. No one can make this decision for you though."

"I know… So what did Uri want you to tell me?" I ask.

"Oh he said firstly that if you need him or need to talk, you have his number…Day or night. Then," she rolls her eyes a bit and says, "He said if you go AWOL again like that and not answer calls or texts it's not going to be good. Oh and he loves you."

We both giggle a little.

"Will you stay over tonight? We can just ride to the bakery together in the morning. I know I have some of your clothes here," I tell her.

"Of course! Let me text Will and let him know I'm struggling here," she tells me.

I text everyone back letting them know I am home and sorry for not answering… Well everyone except Four. I just can't… He's leaving in a week.

Christina decided that she wanted to do my nails and toe nails. We had like a little spa sleepover.

 **TPOV**

 **March 15** **th**

The morning came extremely too early. Chris and I were up late talking about everything EXCEPT Four. I'm still processing.

I take a quick shower then go make sure Christina is awake.

She is making us coffee.

"I see you found some of your clothes," I say motioning towards her outfit she's wearing.

"Yea, I went through your closet while you were in the shower," she says grabbing two cups down.

"Thanks," I tell her then look at the clock, "Crap I need to hurry."

I run back upstairs to my room and throw some clothes on. I grab my shoes and sit on my bed to put them on. As I am putting them on I hear my phone beep. I grab it and see Four's name.

I sigh and open the text message.

 _ **Four- Good morning beautiful. I don't know if I am aloud to say that to you anymore but I can't imagine not saying it. I don't want us to stop. I hope you will see me before I leave… Please don't hate me. You are the most important person to me. I can never take back the fact that I didn't tell you before. I hope that one say you can forgive me. I can't see my life without you in it Tris. I don't want to. I also know that you might not want to hear this right now… I do love you! So much!**_

I finish reading the text as Christina walks in.

"Ready to go?" she asks.

"Yea…," I sigh as I get up. She has a look on her face so I just hand her my phone.

"What are you going to do?" she asks then hands my phone back.

"I don't know yet…," I reply.

"I'm here for you. You know that if you need to talk or not talk…," Chris tells me.

"You're the best," I tell her.

"You know it," she says then dances her way out of my room.

…

As I am making a batch of dauntless cupcakes, Ally walks back to let me know a guy is here to place a cake order.

I wash up and walk to the front.

"Hey how are you," I say as I walk up.

"Great… Nervous… Excited… All of the above," he rambles off.

"Well how can I help you?" I ask.

"I am going to propose to my girlfriend and I was hoping you could make a cake for me," he explains.

"Of course. Do you have an idea in mind of what you would like?" I open my notebook.

"Yes. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. We are going to order dessert… I was thinking a small tiffany's ring box cake with the ring in it, then, after we will walk to the other side of the restaurant to a private room where all of our family and friends are waiting. Like an engagement party. She is really into this country rustic thing right now, so a cake that theme would be great. If there is a way to incorporate out initials A+D with a heart around them like they are carved in a tree that would be perfect. On out 3rd date we carved out initials in a tree and it's been special for us," he says.

I write down what he wants then draw up a rough sketch of what I have in mind.

"Yes! Just like that would be perfect," he says excitedly.

"Ok. When are you needing this and do we need to deliver?" I ask.

"Friday night… I know it's only a couple of days… Would that be ok? And please deliver it to Brass. Everyone is getting there around 7:00. We will already be there," he tells me.

"Umm…," I look at my calendar at who could deliver the cake and realize I'm the only one available, "Yes we could do this. I can make it work. I will deliver it personally."

"Thank you so much," he says excitedly.

I walk back to the back and sit the notebook on the counter. Chris walks over and reads the new order.

"Friday!" she looks at me, "How are you possibly going to have time to do this with all of the orders you have already?"

"Looks like I will be working late," I tell her and shrug.

"Oh… I get it now," she says.

"Get what?" I ask.

"You are getting yourself as busy as possible to avoid the whole Four situation… You are throwing yourself in so much work that will keep you busy until he leaves… Are you really not going to see him before he leaves?" she asks.

"I don't know yet… I don't want to talk about it right now," I tell her then walk to my office.

…..

The next couple of days are nothing but working at the bakery then going home to sleep a couple of hours…Even though I haven't been sleeping very well. It feels weird with Four not in the bed beside me. It feels weird knowing he is leaving.

It's Friday, so today I have to deliver the cakes to the restaurant.

Realizing I would rather not try to lead this cake in the vehicle and deliver it myself I text Uri.

 _ **Tris- Hey could you do me a HUGE favor?**_

 _ **Uri- Sure. What's up?**_

 _ **Tris- I have to deliver a cake tonight… Think you could help? Chris and Will went to his parents for dinner.**_

 _ **Uri- Time and place**_

 _ **Tris- I love you! (: Meet me at the bakery at 6.**_

I quickly shower and get dressed. Aiden begged me to stay a bit after delivering. He said she would probably start wanting to plan it ASAP. I finally agreed.

Realizing its 5:30 I rush to leave to get to the bakery.

I get everything ready and walk to my office. I quickly grab my white coat so when I set the cake up I don't get stuff all over my outfit. I hear the door open. Uri must be here.

I walk out of my office towards the front but I stop short.

Uri isn't the person that walked in… It was Four.

"Umm…," I try getting my words together, "What are you doing here?"

I haven't seen or talked to him since he told me that he was leaving.

I look at his face. It looks sad…restless…All I want to do is go comfort him but I can't.

"Uhh, Uri said you asked for help delivering something and he got called out," he states, "I was there and offered to help."

"I can just get it done myself," I say quickly. I am cursing Uri in my head. How could he not give me a heads up?

"Don't be like that. You need help, let me help you," he begs.

I sigh, "Fine. Let's get this over with."

I let him know what to do and where we were going.

We reach Brass at 6:30. I try to spot Aiden before going to the privat4e room but I wasn't able to. We quickly get to setting up. After the cake is set up and the other is being delivered, Four and I offer to help set everything else up.

It looks beautiful in here. All of their family and friends start arriving.

Four and I stand back in the corner quietly. I catch him out of the corner of my eye look at me a few times. I keep my eyes on the door.

About 5 minutes later in walks Aiden and Danni. She is shocked. She starts crying and hugging Aiden.

You can see the love between them is enormous. It feels the whole room. Everything calms down and Aiden starts talking.

He talks about Danni and the person she is. He talks about how their love can move mountains and how lucky he is to have her. He talks about how she is a fireball he can barely handle sometimes but that he would never let go no matter what. The more he talks about the love he has for her, the more tears fill my eyes. I try to keep them at bay but some disobedient tears fall down my cheeks.

Before I realize what is happening Four is wiping the tears from my face.

I finally look up at him…In those perfect blue eyes of his… I can't hold back. I'm his. I know this and he probably does too.

We both just stay there looking from my gray eyes to his blue…

"I don't want you to go," I whisper.

He pulls me into an embrace and I just want to stay.

"I will come back to you Tris! I promise," he tells me.

"How can you be so sure…Jamie didn't come back," I say into him.

He pulls away and holds both sides of my face and says, "Tris, you don't understand. I will move mountains to get back to you. I don't care what it takes… I love you Tris!"

"I love you too Four," I tell him then we kiss.

When we pull away we realize it's really quiet. I turn towards the party that was just crying for the newly engaged couple, that now has tears in their eyes for us. Does our love look as Aiden and Danni's? I can only hope so.

I grab Four's hand and we make our way to Aiden.

"Congratulations," I tell them, "I know you wanted to talk wedding cakes…but he leaves on deployment Sunday… Can we talk later?"

"Of course," they both say and both tell Four good luck.

As we get back to the vehicle Four stops me and grabs the side of my face. He kissed me with so much force and passion. I could stand here and kiss him forever.

"Let's get home," I tell him.

He grabs the keys from me and we head towards my house. We barely get into the house good before we are kissing again. It's like we4 are trying to get enough in before he leaves. It's getting steamy.

We are soon interrupted by my phone. I walk to my purse and grab it out.

Uriah's name shows up.

"Hey Uri," I answer

"So you don't sound like you are going to kill me since I didn't make it to help you and sent Four in my place. Does that mean everything went well? Did you two even talk?" he asks.

I look over at Four and smile, "Yes everything went perfect."

Four motions that he is going upstairs but I can't say anything to him because Uri won't shut up.

"So the two of you are good now? Christina is here with Will… She wants to know too," he says.

"Yes, we are good. I will talk to you two later…ok," I say.

"Ok. Ok… Talk to you tomorrow," he says.

I swear sometimes he is worse than a girl when it comes to gossiping.

We hang up and I walk upstairs looking for Four. I check in his room and I don't see him but I do hear the shower.

As I go to walk out of his room something in me makes me change that decision. I turn around quickly and walk to the bathroom before I change my mind. I quickly strip sown and step in the shower. Fours back is to me. He is letting the water hit the front of his body. He has his eyes closed and looks as if he is in deep thought. I've seen him naked by accident before but wow… He is…His body… Just wow. I have no words.

Before I can think straight he turns around and opens his eyes. He has a shocked look on his face then smiles at me.

"Hey," I say a little shy like then bite my lip.

He steps towards me not losing eye contact from me.

He leans down and kisses me softly.

"I know we said we wanted to take things slow before but…," I say then bite my lip again.

"Are you sure," he asks.

I just nod my head and that is all it takes. He pulls me into him and kisses me hard…Like he will never get the chance to again. His hands start roaming my body. He backs me up against the shower wall as he still kisses me. I feel his hand cup my breast and it sends chills down my body. He soon starts kissing down my neck to my breast. Soon he is stroking my nipple with his tongue. I moan out.

He turns around and shuts off the water then steps out. He holds out his hand for me and I take it. I follow him to the bed. We are both still soaked but we don't care. I want him as much as he wants me.

We kiss again before he lays me on the bed and kisses from my neck to my breast again.

"I need you Four," I moan out, "I need you inside of me."

He looks up at me with pure love in his eyes.

"Are you sure," he asks me again

"Four, I need you," I tell him.

He kisses me slowly back up to my lips and is about to enter me then stops.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Do you have a condom?" he asks.

"Shit! No I don't," I tell him.

"Are you on birth control? I've never seen you take any… So I'm not sure," he replies.

"No," I groan.

We sit there for a second and my mind can't think of anything else.

"I need you Four. You can pull out… Just this once right?" I almost beg.

He waits a minute while he things it over and it doesn't take long.

He takes his time as he enters me. We both rock back and forth getting ourselves in a rhythm.

I can't help but moan out. This moment is amazing. He is amazing.

"Tris," he moans out as he starts thrusting harder into me.

Just hearing him moan out my name almost does it for me. I feel my release coming and it feels mind blowing.

"Oh Four," I moan as it hits me hard. I think it starts to send him over the edge as well because I soon feel him pull out of me.

I don't want to move. I'm coming sown from my release a he gets in bed beside me.

"That was amazing," he said, "I love you Tris."

"I love you too Four," I tell him and we are soon both asleep.

March 20th

I wake to an empty cold bed. It's not even my bed. Last night soon pops in my head and I blush.

I get out of bed and run to my room to grab my robe. I go back to Four's room to find my phone. I find it in the bathroom on the counter.

As I am walking downstairs the smell of food cooking hits me.

Four is in the kitchen, in just basketball shorts, cooking pancakes.

"Smells great," I tell him as I walk behind him and wrap my arms around him, "Can I help?"

He turns and kisses my forehead before flipping the pancake, "I was going to make eggs."

"I'll make them," I tell him and get to work.

We cook in silence.

He puts the plates on the table as I am finishing up the eggs.

Just after I set the hot pan down he walks up to me and kisses me.

"Good morning beautiful," he tells me.

"Good morning yourself," I stand on my tip toes and kiss his lips back, "I don't think hearing you say that will ever get old."

"So," Four says as we both sit down, "Do you have any plans today?"

"Not really," I say taking a bite.

"Well they guys are throwing me this little party…More like a get together/going away party since I am leaving tomorrow. Would you want to come with me?" he asks.

"Of course, I forgot Chris told me about it but at the time… Well you know we weren't talking and I wasn't sure if and when I was going to see you before you left," I say.

"You mean you weren't," he corrects me.

"What?" I ask.

"You weren't talking to me. I would have talked to you anytime," he says.

"We still do need to talk… About last night…About me leaving…About everything," he says.

"Yea, I know," I tell him.

"So, about last night? What does it all mean?" he asks.

"I hope it means we are back together. I have been pretty miserable without you," I confess.

"Are you sure? Because before you didn't think you could be with me because I am leaving… I love you and want to be with you but it is totally up to you. It wasn't fair of me to just assume you would be," he says.

"I do Four. I can't not be with you. I think I was just scared because you mean more to me than any other person in my life. You are everything I need. Everything I want. Even if that means I have to wait while you are deployed…Knowing that there is a possibility that you might not come back. I choose you. I choose to take that chance… For us," I tell him.

I feel the tears in my eyes but will them away. I love this man and would do anything for him.

"I'm coming back to you Tris. No matter what," he says grabbing my hand.

…..

The girls and I are making a quick trip to the store to grab a few extra things. They are all happy that Four and I have made up. They have been rooting for us since the beginning.

We split up to get our shopping finished quicker. Christina and I went one way while Shauna and Marlene went the other. As Christina and I grab everything on our list we head towards checkout.

"Oh wait! I forgot something," I say as I turn the cart around.

"What did you forget?" she asks quickly catching up.

I'm silent the whole way to the aisle I'm looking for.

As we reach the item I forgot Christina's eyes grow bigger.

"No way," she says shocked.

I shake my head yes.

"When," she squeals.

"Last night! It kind of happened and neither of us had a condom," I tell her.

"Wait… You're not on birth control either," she says.

"I know. He pulled out," I cover my face.

"Tris!" Christina says.

"That's why I'm grabbing these," I tell her.

She nods then says, "So how was it? How was he? Is he big?"

"Christina," I slap her on the arm, "I would never ask you how big Will is!"

"Well… Will is very well endowed," she confesses.

"I didn't mean I wanted to know that! It was amazing. He was amazing!" I tell her.

"It's about time," she says as she loops her arm through mine, "I'm so happy for you two."

The party is great. Everyone enjoyed themselves…Especially Four. He talked about how this deployment would be different. He talked about how he now had a family to come home too. He now had a girl waiting for him to return.

Everyone said their goodbyes and told him to come back home safe.

It's late when we get back to my place. On the drive there I couldn't help let my mind go to tomorrow. I'm not ready.

I'm quiet as we walk in the house and Four can tell.

"Is everything ok?" he asks me as I set my purse down.

"Yea," I lie and he sees right through it.

"Tris look at me," he says.

I turn towards him and I can't hide the tears that are now streaming down my cheeks.

"I don't want you to leave," I sniff out, "Im not ready to tell you goodbye."

He pulls me into an embrace and strokes my hair.

"We won't say goodbye then," he tells me, "It will be see you later or something."

"I'm not ready for that either," I confess, "but I know you have to go."

"I'll be back before you know it," he tells me.

"That isn't soon enough," I tell him.

We stand there hugging each other for what seems like hours.

"Let's go to bed," he finally whispers to me and grabs my hand.

I follow him to my bed. I sit down and watch him as he bends down to grab my boot. He slides both of my boots off then my socks. I haven't taken my eyes off of him. He stands and slides his shoes off as well. He grabs my hands to help me stand before sliding my jacket off of my shoulders. He tosses it in the chair and walks behind me. Slowly his hands find the hem of my shirt and starts sliding it up. I raise my arms up letting him take it off. He kisses the top of my shoulder as he pulls on of my bra straps down. My head automatically tilts back as I feel his lips on my skin. I spin around to face him. I look at his beautiful blue eyes, perfect lips…Him! I look at the man I have fallen head over heels for. The man that will be leaving tomorrow… I watch as he brings his hand up to my face and I lean into it. His touch is everything. He kisses me then in one swift move he has me lying on the bed.

"Make love to me Four," I tell him and that's all it takes.

…..

"What am I going to do for 6 months without you?" I hug Four as we stand in the airport.

"You are going to run your bakery and help Christina plan a wedding and so many more things. The helping Christina part will probably take up most of your time," he jokes, "Plus we will talk and email all the time."

"I'm just going to miss you," I tell him.

"I'm going to miss you too!" he tells me, "I have to go now though. I love you Tris Prior."

"I love you, too, Tobias Eaton," I tell him.

He leans down and kisses me like he never will again.

"See you later beautiful," he says.

"Promise?" I ask.

"I promise," he says.

Then I watch as the person I love most walks away. When I can't see him anymore I turn and walk out of the airport. I walk to my vehicle and once I'm inside I can't help it… I lose it.

A few seconds later I hear a tap on my window. I look up and see Four standing there.

I jump out of the car a hug him tight.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"I couldn't leave without one more kiss," he says and kisses me long and hard.

We break away after a few minutes.

"I have to go now, but I will come back to you Tris," he tells me.

"You better," I tell him.

"I'll call you as soon as I can," he tells me.

"Ok," I reply.

He kisses me then turns quickly and runs back in the airport.

 **Well how was it? I am nervous. This is the first lemon of the story… I personally don't think I write the best lemons but I did my best! Let me know what you think!**


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